


Smile at my Enemies

by Aurora_Dawn



Series: Forsaken in the light of Day [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anal Sex, Bottom Roronoa Zoro, Break Up, Brook is not undead, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/F, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Healing Sex, Human Tony Tony Chopper, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, Law is a sap, M/M, Mental Instability, Mild Gore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religion bashing (kinda), Roronoa Zoro is Bad At Feelings, Slow Romance, Vague Religious Ideals, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27103138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_Dawn/pseuds/Aurora_Dawn
Summary: Don't look. Don't look. DON'T LOOK.Zoro was saved from his abusive past, quiet and reserved since childhood. His parents, now in jail, always abused him from a young aged, making him unstable in a lot of ways. Violent outbursts, episodes of crying, brooding, and the such. It always bothered him, his own body, covered in scars, thin and his HAIR. His friends worry about him, but he doesn't want to be a burden. Everything didn't start changing until he met Law, a doctor he met when he decided to get out of the house for once. Law was sweet and gentle, coaxing him out of the dark hole he holed up in.
Relationships: Past Donquixote "Corazon" Rosinante/Trafalgar D. Water Law, Roronoa Zoro/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: Forsaken in the light of Day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931977
Comments: 27
Kudos: 63





	1. All is well in love and health

**Author's Note:**

> This is to be taken seriously, everything in this story. Nothing in here is written as a joke and must be taken seriously. This is to make mental awareness more prominent and to try and rid the awful stigmatism around mental health.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro's friends did a wellness check on him, not happy to find him curled up in bed in his room. Zoro is mentally exhausted, depressed, and always viewed his friends as the enemy, always prepared for when they stab him in the back and leave him to rot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not experienced with writing mental issues, so obviously there will be inaccuracies. If there are any, please let me know so I can go back and fix it. I know I'm late (or early depending on how you look at this) for mental awareness month, but I wanted to contribute somehow. And you should know, the majority of the tags are not sexual, so do not post this on Twitter and say how disgusting the tags are, that hurts us writers a lot. The sexual tags probably won't be added until later chapters.

Laying in bed enveloped in the darkness of his room, Zoro buried his face into the pillow he clutched tightly to his chest. He was so mentally exhausted, body sluggish from the unusual amount of rest. He didn't want to move, just felt like crying until his throat was hoarse from sobbing, or until his eyes couldn't tear up anymore. His body hurt with phantom pains, ankles burning where his ligaments and tendons were torn from his scarred skin. His chest burned where phantom hands gripped his throat, choking. His back burned where hands smacked against his skin, or the belt leaving welts and tearing open skin. The scar over his eye burning, it felt like it was being torn open all over again.

Where the giant scar bisected his front, chest, and torso, he could see the blood seeping through his torn clothes. The metallic taste burning on his tongue and mouth-watering where his teeth felt odd in his own mouth. He's just overall horrible, wanting to sink into the bed and hide away from the world. He ate only when he _HAD_ to, always bone-tired and too heavy to move properly. When was the last time he saw the light outside? He never uses his phone, always has it off since he never talked to his friends. He doesn't even remember who pays his bills anymore. A knock at the door pulled him out of his episode. 

He never noticed his breathing was erratic, shallow. The door cracked open and orange ginger hair slipped through the crack. He knew who it was, but he didn't want to look.

_Don't look._

"Zoro? Are you awake?" Her voice, though it was soft, was grating to his ears. "Mmm..." His voice was gruff from being unused, crackling, and scratching against his throat. Nami stepped further into the room closing the door behind her gently. Zoro could hear her pull off of her shoes, clothes rustling before it finally stopped. Her footsteps were muffled by the carpeting of his room, a hand skimming over the blanket as gently as possible. "How do you feel?" Nami asked, shuffling behind him so she was kneeling on the floor. "...awful..." His voice cracked so badly, so foreign to his ears. "Want to talk about it?" He shook his head no, he just really wanted to be left alone. "Are you sure?" He nods. "Alright, but I need you to get up and eat something."

A groan left his lips, shifting only a tiny bit. "I'll be waiting for you in the kitchen, okay? Nojiko is here too." Nami stood up and left the room quietly, Zoro letting go of the pillow he was holding and rolling over. His body was heavy and didn't really want to listen to him, but he willed himself to untangle himself from the sheets and get up to use the bathroom. Stepping in front of the mirror, he looked down at his tired self, a loathing look in his only good eye. After staring at himself, he left his bathroom to throw on a pair of sweatpants and head to the kitchen. He didn't want to even get up, but because Nami and her sister are here, he had to do _something_.

_Don't look._

Sitting at the table was Nami and her sister, Nojiko. A plate of what looked like some eggs and a few other things at the table. "Come sit," Nojiko motioned to the chair at the end of the table, a plate full of food with a glass of water and a few eating utensils there. He sat down begrudgingly, looking down at the food that made his stomach churn. Zoro didn't want to eat. But, he did anyway. Nami and Nojiko watched him eat quietly, a worried look on their faces. Though he was naturally tan, he looked so pale and... sad. "..." Nami opened her mouth to say something when Zoro ate only part of what was on his plate.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Nojiko asked, brows furrowed. "When we checked last time, you said you 'ere fine." Zoro just made a noise in his throat before leaning forward a bit. "...leave me alone..." He sighed, dropping his head on the table. Nami looked at the gold earrings, they're muddy and dirty; when was the last time they were cleaned? "Luffy's gonna visit later, we just wanted to drop by to check on you." Nojiko pushed herself from the table, finishing what was left on the plate and putting the rest in Tupperware, putting it in the fridge. Zoro watched the two women leave, leaving the lights on.

Zoro groaned, he stopped bothering to tell them to turn off the lights long ago. Getting up, he turned off the lights and returned to his room. He fell onto his bed with a dull thump, shuffling under the messy sheets and shoving a pillow to his face. He hated everything.

_Don't look._

Tears welled up in his eyes, his breaths coming out short like he was trying to breathe, it was an anxiety attack. He couldn't stop it. Body shaking, throat tightening, and his stomach clenching. Tears dripped down his face, clutching the pillow to the point it might tear before throwing at the blinds in his room. Light from outside blinded him, but he couldn't stop the need to throw up, to get sick. His hands felt like they were being stabbed and pricked, head-heavy as the world spun around him. He stumbled to his feet, everything blurry which in turn made him more nauseous. He barely made it to the bathroom before bile began rising, throat screaming at the burn of the acid as he doubled over the sink and retched into the porcelain.

_Don't look._

_Disgusting._

Vomit dripped from his lips and chin, drool making his mouth wet and dry at the same time. He turned on the faucet to wash away that day's consumption of food, looking at himself in the mirror. When he glanced at the mirror, blood was all over his face, eye was torn open, lip busted and bleeding a waterfall, bruises on his face, welts on his neck with lines of blood. The shirt (he wasn't actually wearing one) was ripped open violently, he could see the white of his ribs, the pink of his innards, and blood spilling onto the porcelain. The pain was unbearable, face nearly white as he dropped to his knees, and tried to push his organs falling from his body back in. He was screaming, tears dripping down his face as he babbled about how sorry he was.

_Don't look._

Zoro didn't realize he closed his eyes until opened them, breath so shallow his chest rattled to get air in his lungs. He can see his blood on the walls, his father standing over him with a butcher's knife painted in his blood. His body screaming in agony, wrists bound above his head with rusted metal that made his wrist bleed, ankles tied with the roughest of twine, and his chest and abdomen searing with blinding white-hot pain. Zoro watched with horror as his father poked and prodded at his organs, a sick twisted grin on his blackened face. He could hear the haunting voice of the man, how his words dripped with murder. About how stupid he was for thinking his family would love a nobody like him. How he never listened good enough, that his body was disgusting and hair unnatural.

The memory vanished and he was looking at white porcelain, hands shaking violently as sweat dripped from his hairline. More bile rose in his throat, making him scramble to the toilet. The lid opened with a loud smack, him retching loudly until he was clinging to the bowl, skin a feverish hot against the cool touch of the bowl. He felt so gross, his own skin was foreign on his body. How was he still alive? Zoro desperately needed a shower, smelling like vomit and sweat. But he didn't want to get up or stand under the spray of water, he just wanted to lay on the floor and cry some more. The door opening him made him glance at the door, how long were they standing in the doorway for?

It was Luffy.

He had a horrified look on his face, his friend Usopp beside him with his face as white as a sheet. Zoro hoped they wouldn't show up, but a tiny, minuscule part of him was glad they did. The bathroom smelled awful, drool dripping from cracked lips as Zoro looked dazed. His eye was glassy, the swell of tears prominent in the whites. Luffy pushed Usopp back into the bedroom and went over to Zoro, bending down and rubbing his back gently, the touch comforting in a disgusting way. Zoro felt himself swing at Luffy, yelling at him not to touch him. Where was this coming from? The sudden outburst and the need to get the kid away from him was too much to ignore, but he was still too nauseous to even think about moving to his bed. 

Luffy frowned, and it made him feel more awful. Zoro couldn't stop the hoarse whimper as he doubled over the bowl once more, coughing and heaving from all the dizziness. After a few long moments, Luffy was helping the poor man up and bringing him to his bed. Usopp had gotten him a glass of water, handing it to him with a mournful frown. Zoro gulped down the water, trying to parch his desert-dry throat. Luffy was rubbing his shoulder as he stood beside him, watching the older give the glass back and just fall on the bed. His head was pounding, his throat burned and his whole body just hurt.

Zoro rolled onto his side to try and lessen the pain in his chest, sheets pulled over him and a cold wet towel draped over his sweaty forehead. Luffy said something, but it was too muffled to clearly understand. A hand ran through his greasy hair, he felt so gross. "When did you eat?" Luffy asked, his head no longer swimming. "...when Nami visited..." Zoro mumbled, blinking slowly. "Do you think you can stand?" Luffy questioned, making Zoro just groan at the thought. Luffy looked over at Usopp, who nodded and headed over to the bathroom to draw a shower for Zoro. Luffy helped him sit up, wiping down his face before bringing him to the bathroom.

Everything was a blur, the shower, getting dressed only to lay back down. Zoro was about to close his eyes when a hand was on his head. "Y'know, you can talk to us." Here we go again.

_Don't look._

Zoro was ready for the two of them to start babbling about how they're friends, but it never came. The hand was comforting, rubbing over his cleaned scalp. Zoro dozed, finally drifting to a fitful sleep he hasn't had for years. Luffy and Usopp left, leaving him to rest. When Zoro woke up, it was the middle of the night. He hadn't gotten a decent amount of sleep since he was saved, but he was covered in a cold sweat. Zoro sat up slowly, his stomach aching for food since had gotten sick quite a few times earlier. Getting up, he made his way to the kitchen to eat something. Insomnia is a bitch, but he's learned to deal with it through the years of having it.

While he was making himself something to eat, he swore he saw something in the corner of his eye. Paranoia, a common thing he suffered. He always felt like someone was waiting for him, waiting for when he was the most vulnerable. His hands began to tremble at the sudden spike of anxiety, looking around. Zoro had turned on the kitchen light so he wouldn't break something, but he felt so out in the open. His anxiety won't stop rising, he doesn't want another one, another anxiety attack. Zoro shook his head trying to focus on making himself food so his stomach would stop bothering him.

_Don't look._

It was just a visual hallucination, nothing he was seeing is real... right? Zoro finished making his food and fled to his room, the paranoia too much to handle anymore. It was like his mother waiting for him, waiting for his fuck up so she could beat him with the belt again. Zoro whimpered, a pitiful noise as he swallowed the mouthful of food. He shoved the plate away from himself, finishing the small amount of his food. He wanted to hide, pull the sheets over, and never show his face again. Instead, he laid down and just rolled onto his side. He couldn't sleep anymore, but at least he ate something. Morning came fast, he was no longer paranoid but now he had to deal with his depression and PTSD (hopefully not). He stared at the skewed blinds, he wasn't up to fixing them so he threw a towel over it.

His phone was buzzing, he swore he turned it off. Zoro slowly looked over his shoulder and at the nightstand, his phone lighting up with texts from his friends asking if he was okay. It was people he hasn't heard from since high school. He missed school a lot, but still managed to graduate when he wasn't coming with excuses with why he had blood in his hair and the such. Zoro rolled over, turning his phone off so he didn't have to even think about worrying people who probably didn't actually care for him. Tears stung his eye, not one of these again. Didn't he cry enough yesterday? Zoro brought a hand to his face, rubbing furiously until his skin hurt. The flashes of his missing childhood just full of blood hurt too much.

He still remembers the searing pain of when his mother gouged out his ligaments and tendons, saying it was an accident. He couldn't walk for almost a year, making his parents even angrier than they already were. Calling him a failure, a deadbeat son, and beat him. How his high school was just people worrying about how he missed so much school. Tears were falling freely, sobbing softly into his blanket as he was gasping for breath. Such a failure, no purpose, why was he still alive? Is this life's cruel joke to show how worthless he is? His parents were murders, finding sick pleasure in torturing the weak. That's what he is. Weak. No one never suspected that they tortured their own son, thinking he was just a violent boy who found fights more interesting than school itself.

_Don't look._

But he was the opposite, finding school as his only solace until his parents stopped him. They weren't punished for the murders they had committed long before he was born, they arrested them on accounts of child abuse (since he was still a minor at the time). Felonies; he was told to tell them everything that happened. Relive everything that should've killed him, the number of times his parents lied to the hospital; was there a reason? No, there wasn't. Trying to lie their way out of the jurisdiction in the middle of the court didn't work in their favor. They really should have been punished for Capital offense, but no evidence was brought for murders, only that they tortured their son in awful ways. Denied access to healthcare, they thought he was too unstable. 

Sent home from the psych ward, said he wasn't damaged enough. People were afraid of him, the son of murderers, tortured by his own flesh and blood - the people who gave him his life. It was awful, suffering until the day he turned seventeen. It was like everyone knew but didn't want to say anything. He was too afraid to speak up, and his devilish parents used that against him. Even at one point, the people he thought were his friends shunned him, said they couldn't talk anymore because he was damaged goods. He viewed everyone as the enemy, they come and they go, sticking around until the time was right. Stab him in the back and go, leaving him to fester in the open. How can he live? He served no purpose, just a sack of flesh that laid around.

Nami brought him to the doctor when he stopped leaving the house, stopped paying the bills, just... stopped everything. The doctor told him he was psychotically depressed and had severe PTSD, he was prescribed medicine but he never took it. What's the point of living if you can never be truly happy? He still remembered Nami's face when she saw the very body he hated. She cried, long and hard, sobbing uncontrollably as she ran a finger over every individual scar he had decorating his body. His vivid episodes of his PTSD was always spent alone, with the loud screams and sobs, the self-inflicted wounds he'd do without ever knowing. It was hard, but he learned that damaged goods never get fixed, that's just how he is now.

_Don't look._

He stopped doing everything that once made him happy, his beloved swords collecting dust in a closet somewhere in his home. He was covered in his own blood, touched by the hands of death, with the whisper of tortured people his parents have killed. He didn't even know if he is truly alive anymore, feeling like a husk of his former self. Zoro felt so lost, abandoned. Everyone was the enemy and the only way to fool them was to smile and say _I'm fine_. 

_Don't look._

Zoro sobbed harder, crying like never before. He was hurt, he had nothing but tears to shed. Loud sobs slipped past his lips as he curled in on himself, clutching at the hair he came to hate. He wanted to tear it from the roots, rid himself of something that made him so different from everyone else. He wanted to scream, let out his anguish but it only came back even after he tried to relieve the pain. Zoro had no pride, never had any, to begin with, always made fun of for crying at his most vulnerable moments. Bullied on top of torture made everything worse. Sometimes, Zoro wanted to just blind himself so he couldn't cry anymore, to feel some kind of relief. But it never happened, he couldn't do it, even after he held the tip of the knife to his eye, chickening out at the last moment.

Zoro never knew what stopped him from doing that, he just dropped the knife and sobbed uncontrollably. He cried too much, he was too violent. _You're too quiet, too reserved._ Why? Zoro never wanted his life to be like this, he never chose it to begin with. He vomits too often, making people think he was bulimic. He wasn't, his anxiety attacks made him sick and his PTSD was no better. Zoro just wanted to fade, want people to forget about him. But it would never happen. He kept telling himself he'd get up and do something, but he was just so _tired._ Even though he's been invited countless times by his friends, he never wanted to go.

He wanted to spend time with them, he honestly, truly did want to. But with how frequent his episodes are, he knows that he'd just embarrass his friends. Zoro knows that he's been embarrassed enough to almost never show his face again. Zoro wiped away the tears but they just came back, making him frustrated.

_Don't look._

An angry sigh left him, rubbing the skin around his eyes until they were a blotchy red. How can he motivate himself? Everything is just horrible and awful, even if he does nothing he's tired. Luffy never expressed that he was frustrated with his depression, unlike another "friend" that was quite the misogynist. Sanji, out of spite mind you, just told him to get over his depression. You can't _get over_ depression, it's something that makes you tired and sad, like a dog you have that's too old to live but you don't want to let them go. Depression shackled him, how can he get over something that should've killed him? Something that made him the son of the damned?

Sanji was of course yelled at by Luffy when Zoro found himself crying, just tears falling from his eyes (because he still had his other eye at the time) and soft sniffles. He didn't want to be this weak, but they don't understand! They didn't know what it was like to be cut open by the ones who gave you life, to be the guinea pig for different ways to torture the weak, to watch your parents lie about your injury, to _lose_ an eye and be marred with scars. To be born with unnatural hair. They'd never understand. Hiding away from people who'd hurt him, but they'd still come crawling back. All he had to do was give a fake smile and say _I'm fine._

They were the enemy and he was the victim, always the victim. 

He sat upon his bed, a broken choked off sob leaving him before he burst into a fit of coughs. His throat was scratchy from all the crying, but he was afraid that if he got up he would have another PTSD episode. They always happened when he wasn't in bed, and when they did happen while he was in bed they'd come in the form of night terrors and paranoia. He got off his bed and went to the bathroom, ignoring his fear. Zoro didn't look at himself in the mirror, he doesn't want what happened yesterday to happen again. After rubbing cool water into his skin, he laid back down. Zoro wasn't hungry, but he didn't want to get up and drink water.

Maybe, hopefully, very soon, he would leave the house and try going out again.

_Don't look, please._

_I'm ugly, covered in scars._

_I'm damaged goods, no longer any good._

_Please, I'm hurt._

_It hurts too much, but I'm too afraid._

_Don't look... please._

_I want to be good for you, but I'm too broken._

_I don't mean to cry, or scream, or hurt you._

_But to me, you're the enemy._

_All I have to do to fool you..._

_Is Smile at my Enemies._


	2. All in one's hard work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro is finally moving about a bit more, although still in the comfort of his home, and his friends are glad about that. Luffy takes it upon himself to find help for Zoro and manages too, but Zoro is very nervous about leaving the house for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any errors will be fixed by Wednesday.

_One, one_

_Single self_

Zoro ran a hand over his face as he finally decided to fix the blinds in his room. He was trying very hard to look somewhat decent since Nami had mentioned she would be visiting with some of the others this week. He was still a mess, but at least he looked a little better compared to the last few days. Zoro had cut his hair, it now at the length he wanted it at, with rather shaky hands. His fear of anything he could cut himself on was horrid but he managed, proud that he didn't cut himself at all. He still had the dark circles from nights of little to no sleep at all. He was starting to feel a small bit better but was still overall just feeling down. Depression was hard to deal with, and Zoro was afraid he'd have an episode while the others were here.

Zoro sighed and ran a hand over his face, he was so unused to the feeling of his smooth pads that used to be so rough and callous. With a shake of his head, he left the bathroom and went back to his bed. He was tired and wanted to sleep, but the fact that people were coming over made him uneasy. What if he got sick in front of them? What if he hurt one of them? These spiraling thoughts made him feel sick, making him want to cry. He hadn't stopped crying for days, eyes dry and itchy but he couldn't stop. The random bouts of just sobbing hurt a lot, losing his voice because of it wasn't fun. His head hurt and he was sore. But he was always sore. Zoro wasn't up to get up and open the door when he heard the doorbell, why even bother? They had a key after all.

Luffy said something about finding someone and would be late, but Zoro didn't care, he just wanted to be left alone to wallow in his despair. BUT everyone always had a change of pace when it came to him. Zoro was sure it was pity, though they didn't show it, it was most definitely pity. Nami had called for Zoro, the sound of other people shuffling around and turning on lights bothered him. He let out a groan as his back ached, he'd get that checked out soon he keeps telling himself. Damaged goods never get fixed, though. He hauled himself off his bed, haphazardly pulling on a shirt and rubbing his face a couple of more times. Why was everything so... frustrating? He just wanted to collapse, just too tired to even stand.

_Stay by_

_This self_

The loud, ear-splitting chime of his doorbell pulled him from his spiraling thoughts, how long has he been standing over the sink for? He can feel droplets of sweat roll down his face and drip onto the porcelain, staining it a gross yellowish color. Zoro wanted to throw-up, his throat tightening at the stench of his own sweat. The smell morphed into something akin to death, a sweet rotting stench that made his stomach clench in pain. The smell made him light-headed, his knees bending under his sinking weight before he fell to the floor. He held a hand over his mouth, unaware of the loud shouts from Nami who had entered the house not that long ago. Zoro was dry heaving, the smell was just suffocating and he wanted to claw at his throat to breathe.

Zoro was coughing, gasping. He couldn't breathe, his chest tightening and hair matted to his forehead with sweat. Nami was hovering over him to try and help him, but anything she said wouldn't pass through the haze he was stuck in. He was gagging, shoving past Nami like she wasn't there and leaning over the toilet to vomit into the porcelain. Zoro was so pale, too pale. It had been over a month since the last visit and he seemed to just get worse, deteriorate even more. His skin was sunken in and he looked so emaciated. Nami covered her mouth to stop herself from getting sick. Blood was dripping from Zoro's mouth, he had nearly bitten through his own tongue to stop from throwing up. She was calling someone, it must've been Sanji since he was shouting something.

Zoro could still smell his own rotting blood, shuddering as his skin felt sticky with congealed blood. He was pulled away from the toilet, fingers prying open his mouth and pulling out his tongue. Zoro thrashed against whoever was holding his mouth open, hands flying to his face to wrench away the fingers swiping blood off his palette. Zoro made incoherent noises, too afraid to open his eyes to see his parents. Nami was yelling at Sanji to let him go, telling the young doctor named Chopper who was sobbing off to the side to get Sanji away from the panicking man. Zoro managed to free himself, floundering a bit before stumbling to his feet. Tears were rolling down his face in fat drops, his breath coming out too short to be proper breathing, and blood dripping from his mouth.

Sanji nearly cracked his head open when an elbow slammed against his nose, Zoro shouting something at him but was too garbled by the blood spilling over his teeth. They were stained an ugly orangy-red, scaring everyone as leaned over to sink to wash his mouth and rid the metallic taste. "Zoro! Zoro!" Nami shouted, her words finally reaching him. He fell back into her arms and was carried to his bed, Chopper over him in seconds. The poor boy was scared, but Zoro couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment, blood burning on his tongue.

_One, one_

_Single hand_

Gauze was placed on his tongue, sucking up the blood and whatever saliva was left in his mouth. He wanted to fight against the comforting hands, Sanji was practically thrown into the kitchen to make him something light and cold on the tongue. Zoro felt feverish and cold at the same time, his breath stuttering every time he inhaled. Nami was obviously trying her hardest not to cry, as was Chopper, but tears still rolled down her cheek. She felt so awful that she had let someone so close to her deteriorate so much, but every time they got too close he would smile and tell them he was getting better. It was a LIE BUT SHE STILL BELIEVED HIM! Chopper finished patching his tongue up and left to get a wet towel to place on his forehead to hopefully break the fever he was suddenly experiencing.

This was normal. When Zoro didn't eat enough he got severely sick and bleed more often. Bruising was common too, with his iron count so low he could cut himself like he would with paper. The thought of inflicting pain upon himself was satisfying as it was grating. Zoro groaned, a broken sound in his burned throat. Sanji had come back with a cold treat, setting it down on the nightstand beside his table and leaving with an excuse for a smoke. Chopper returned too with a towel and a bowl of cold water, draping the wet white against his forehead and rubbing soothing circles on his chest with some kind of balm. When he finally came too, he was dizzy and his head felt like it was being pried open with an icepick.

Nami held out the cold treat, a platter of flavored ice chips to calm the burning sensation in his throat. Chopper was dozing beside him, Nami and a few other people in the room he vaguely recognized. Zoro wanted to sleep, but his body kept telling him no, he didn't need sleep. He didn't realize tears were rolling down his cheeks until a warm hand wiped away the tears. A green eye rose to see Luffy with a woman he's never seen in his life beside him. Nami was talking to the woman softly like she had known her since high school. It was true, completely forgetting about her, Dr. Nico Robin was her name. Though she was a grade above them, she stilled loved them like they were the family she never had. Zoro made a whimpering sound in the back of his throat, waking Chopper who was at his side in moments.

His voice was completely gone from the shouting earlier. Usopp was there with his employer Franky and the only musically inclined person, Brook. Nami had brought Vivi, who was trying not to look upset as Robin and Chopper looked the sick man over. "Zoro-san." Robin's voice cut through the terse silence. "When you get better, I want you to visit me at the Ohara Psychiatrists, there are many things I need to go over with you." Zoro wanted to cry again, but held back as she prattled on about a few things, everyone leaving the room to give them privacy.

_Show_

_Your hand_

"You understand this right? I am aware that you have been lying about your mental health to everyone and if you stray any farther, I'm afraid you might be unsavable." The way she worded it made him want to sit up and beg her to help him. "I don't want to see you like this anymore, okay?" He nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "Good, when you feel better, have Chopper drive you to the office." With that, she left.

_Tie, open_

_Tie, open_

_The one looking back,_

_Who are you?_

_The one looking back,_

_Is_ _me._

It was weeks later until he started to feel better, hallucinating that he was twisting and dying in his sleep, or that a form of him was out to kill him and everyone. Every time he looked in the mirror, he sees a different person. He wants to get better, with what's left of his broken heart he wanted to. Chopper checked on him every day, bless him, but the moment the fever broke Chopper had him moving to get ready. Sitting in the car, Zoro was fidgeting. The light of the afternoon sun hurt his eyes, and he felt too overwhelmed. Chopper kept reassuring him that he was okay, but Zoro would only shake his head and play with the drawstrings of his sweatshirt he wore until they began to fray. Getting out of the car was too much of a fight for the teenager, but he did promise Robin.

Zoro felt like everyone was staring at him. He was trying to keep his breathing normal but he was struggling and by his saving grace, he was called by Robin to come into her office. 

_The fragments entangle_

_Keep on walking the_

_Tangled rope._

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie._

"We need to do many, many tests on you. This may take the whole day if you do not cooperate." Chopper said, taking his place beside Robin. She had an indifferent look on her face but it only made him worry even more. They went about giving him the multiple tests, Robin and Chopper quiet during the whole thing to make sure he doesn't fret any more than he already is. Soon he came face to face with a needle, making him tense. "I promise this is just to draw your blood." Chopper spoke softly, but Zoro didn't believe him. Not one bit. Robin took it upon herself to distract him, and though this was not normal in a Psychiatrist's office, it was too early for Zoro to be venturing to a doctor's office just yet.

Small steps first.

Robin asked him questions such as: How long have you been feeling like this for? or How extreme are the episodes you go through by yourself? Zoro answered to the best of his abilities, wondering why she was asking these questions. He never once thought of her as a friend, and still doesn't now. She's just someone doing her job. _Damaged goods don't get fixed, Zoro_. He kept telling himself that, but that tiny part of him welcomed the attention that his friends gave him. Zoro let out the breath he never knew he was holding when Chopper had finished pulling his blood, he couldn't look, he can't. No more of seeing his own blood, please. Chopper gave him a soft smile that made himself feel a little better.

Chopper packed the vials away and wiped down his arm before placing a gauze and a bandaid over the puncture, happy that Zoro didn't fight with him. "You did very well today Zoro-san," Robin praised, rubbing his arm comfortingly. Zoro nodded, in his own little world to try and calm himself down. He was anxious, _scared_ , those praises felt so... empty. Robin pulled a stack of papers from inside her desk, setting them down in front of the younger man with a black ink pen. "Take as long as you need to fill these out, we're in no rush." She answered before Zoro could say anything. He nodded and began filling out the paper. God, his handwriting was atrocious, but that's what happens when you stop writing for years.

_The pain of separation from loved ones_

_The pain of meeting one dislikes._

_Your flesh and blood, illusions._

It was late in the afternoon when Zoro finished all the paperwork, most of it about medical stuff he was required to fill out. "You did wonderful today Zoro-san, though we didn't get to talk about anything you did a good job today." Robin smiled as she handed the papers to Chopper, him packing them away. "Tomorrow, I would like for you to come back and we can start discussing whatever you feel comfortable with sharing, okay?" Zoro nods, not feeling so overwhelmed anymore. Chopper took him back to the car and dropped him off at home, Zoro fleeing back into the house. He was so glad to be back in the comforts of his home, feeling safe. Zoro was so worried he would do something wrong, or even have an episode but was somewhat happy with himself that he didn't do anything bad.

Slumping against the door, Zoro slid down the door until he was sitting. He was trying to calm his erratic breathing, what is he _okay_ with sharing, exactly? The thought of talking about when this all started made him feel sick. Getting off the floor, he made his way to the room. He was too tired from today. 

_The pain of not getting what one desires_

_The pain of being incapable of achievement_

_Glimmering Sasanquas..._

He didn't hurt a lot anymore, just felt sore now.

_Harbor, harbor_

_Scream from within_

_For whose sake is the flowing blood?_

_Let it fly, let it fly_

_And scatter away._

Zoro was so tired, so exhausted. He didn't want to go back but was glad Robin was letting him take his time. Sometimes healing just takes time, for everything gets worse before it gets better.

_Yourself is..._

_A bird in a cage._

Night, it was dark when Zoro woke. When did he fall asleep? Sitting up, he rubbed his face. He was hungry. Zoro got up and made himself something to eat, not feeling paranoid for the first time in years. It was like that lurking shadow finally disappeared. Maybe he was going to get fixed, maybe everything was starting to look up. That was until he realized, what about all of the times he lied? The spark of happiness vanished and felt empty, how could he do this? Maybe everyone was putting up a front and was just being nice to him.

 _Stay by this child_.

He dropped the butterknife, it clattering to the ground with a loud ring. He didn't feel hungry anymore. Zoro looked down at the knife he dropped, bending down to picking up when he felt a searing pain shoot up his spine. At first, he thought he could've pulled a muscle, but when he pulled his hands away from his back, there was blood. No, not now... please... Zoro began to hyperventilate, the warm wet dripping feeling making him feel disgusted. His back stung, he couldn't stand anymore. Falling to his knees, he managed to not knock or take anything down with him.

_A manifestation in a transient world_

_A prisoner in a transient world_

_The fragments intertwine_

_Keep on walking the twisted rope._

Zoro thought he was going to throw up when he felt a hand on his head, distracting from his current episode he was in the middle of. At first, he thought someone broke into his house, but what was there to take? He can see black-clad feet, they didn't belong to Sanji. Slowly looking up, his vision was clouded red when he saw a face that looked too much like his own. The hands left his hair and moved to cradle his face. _What does this mean?_ Zoro watched as himself leaned in close to lick away the blood dripping down his face. Is he delusional? Is he seeing things? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? His head hurt like it was being pried open, tears and blood blurring his vision until all he could focus on was the person who had his face.

They smiled, red running down his face. It had to be apart of the episode, right? RIGHT?! 

They lapped at the blood on the corner of their lip, teeth staining red-orange before waging their now bleeding tongue. Bitten through, blood dripped and pooled on the floor around them, no longer the linoleum of his kitchen. " _Will you let me?_ " Their voice sounded like him, and the bloody smile made him want to cry until he couldn't anymore. " _Will you let me cradle you longer?_ " Zoro couldn't find it in himself to answer. The touch felt real, too real.

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie_

_Tie, untie_

They moved closer, smearing deep red against milk skin. Clothing black but the skin was so stark against it. Zoro felt them push a bloodied thumb past his lips, rubbing his own blood against his palette. Zoro watched as the shirt tore open, skin pulling open in a clean line to show their ribs, lungs, and still-beating heart. " _I just want to hold you until all you feel is me... can't I do that?_ " Their voice was gargled, unrecognizable. Zoro gagged at the sight of himself, cut open and oozing blood. The wound showed everything that shouldn't be shown, organs falling into the other's lap. He can feel the burning sensation of vomit in his throat, Zoro knew he was still in the kitchen. He can't get sick, not in the kitchen.

" _Let me, just let me._ " Blood sprayed against his face, how disgusting. Zoro never knew that during his episode he had moved, too busy staring at his mangled self. He watched as the copy pulled him close, smelling like iron and painting a bloody hand on his face. Lips tasting like metal pressed against his own, Zoro thrashing about wildly. Is this a manifestation of his depression and PTSD? Is this what this is? Zoro slumped against the bloody body, blood pouring from his mouth. He felt dry inside and out, panting and gasping as the burning sensation of blood licked around his mouth, teeth foreign as drool mixed with red. The mangled version of himself leered at him with a smile, his left eye now missing and skin torn open to the point he could see his skull.

" _You're all mine, I won't let you go._ " Zoro felt his eyes slide closed, is this the end? When he opened his eyes, he was on the floor of his bathroom. Blood was pooling around his head, a gash on his temple and lip torn open that it was sure to scar. 

_The pain of separation from loved ones_

_The pain of meeting people one dislikes_

_Your flesh and blood, illusions._

Zoro was gasping loudly, hands shaking violently as he tried to call Nami, or chopper, or SOMEONE! STOP SHAKING!! Zoro knew he hurt himself, his own sweatshirt was drenched in blood that wasn't from his forehead or face. Blood was slowly dripping from his nose as he coughed, finally pressing on someone's name. He caught the glimpse of a knife covered in blood, did he do this to himself? Was he really intent on hurting himself? Zoro shakily brought the receiver to his ear, hands shaking as blood smeared on his chin where he wiped with his sleeve. Someone, please answer.

_The pain of not getting what one desires_

_The pain of being incapable of achievement_

_Your consciousness bound_

"Hello?" It was Nami, but his voice was caught in his throat. He made a gargled noise, the blood he was holding in his mouth bubbling past his lips. "Zoro is everything okay? You never call." Nami sounded worried, but Zoro's eye was locked on the hands wrapped around his throat, the mangled version of himself staring at him through the mirror with a frown on his face. They shook their head no, telling him not to ask for help. Zoro made a few more noises, blood running down his chin and neck in glistening red rivulets. "H...elp....me..." He managed, spilling the rest of his blood all over his front. Did he stab himself? He did, but he didn't know why. Nami was saying something but he couldn't hear her over the sound of wind in his ears.

The hands on his throat tightened until he couldn't breathe, making him light-headed until he dropped the phone. To others, it'd look like he was choking himself, but to him, it was himself choking him. Zoro fell to the floor, unable to stand any longer. The hands finally let up, his lungs burning. Zoro thought one of them was ready to collapse, not knowing where he stabbed himself. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was blood dripping from the open wound of his reflection into his hair, a twisted smile on their face.

_Take aim, take aim_

_And swing down_

_For whose sake is the flowing blood?_

_Let it fly, let it fly and scatter away_

When he came to, the sound of beeping and someone crying was heard. The white fluorescent lights overhead hurt his eye, groaning. His mouth was dry and he couldn't feel his left arm. Zoro knew there were bandages all over him, but where was he? Opening his eye once more, he noticed the white sterile walls. It was the hospital. Nami was sobbing into a woman's chest. It was Robin's. Everyone was gathered around him, holding all sorts of things in their hands. Zoro looked at where the beeping was coming from, it was a monitor for his heart and an IV shoved in his arm, connected to a drip with saline. Why was he at the hospital? "Zoro!" it was Luffy, a worried look on his face. Zoro flinched at the shouting, Chopper scrutinizing the worried teen.

_On this very day, peacefully_

_Harbor, harbor_

_Scream from within_

_For whose sake is the flowing blood?_

Zoro couldn't talk, a gauze shoved in his mouth. Did he bite through his tongue? He skimmed his eye over everyone, all teary-eyed or showing some sort of concern. "Zoro..." It was Robin this time, her voice soft and controlled. Chopper came over to take the gauze out of his mouth, it stained a dark red that unsettled everyone in the room. "What did you do to yourself." It was more of a demand than it was a question, her gaze hard and calculating. "I-" He coughed, specks of blood settling on the white bandage on his lip where he tore it open with his own teeth. "I don't know... I was having an episode and-and..." Zoro began to tremble, heart rate spiking as he thought about what he did to himself.

"I don't know why I grabbed the knife or all the stuff that happened." He answered truthfully. Zoro was drawing a blank on what could've happened after he blacked out. Robin just stared him down, a frown set deep on her face. Nami was saying something through her tears, but Zoro was too wrapped up in his thoughts. Why did this happen? Right when he was getting better, why did everything take a sudden 360? Why? WHY??

_Let it fly, let it fly and scatter away_

_Yourself is..._

_A BIRD IN A CAGE._

**_WHY?!!!!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned is called Chimera by ATOLS for anyone wondering. The translation may not be the most accurate, sorry!


	3. Day in, day out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro is now in the hospital after a rather severe episode of his PTSD. Robin has visited him every day during his stay at the hospital, where he is introduced to someone new. The man, who seems to be the resident surgeon, is much too nice for a man like Zoro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD! I am so grateful that so many of you enjoy this story! I painstakingly make sure everything flows together and doesn't seem all over the place and your comments just encourage me to keep writing. Thank you so much my Lovelies!

"And that's it for today. How do you feel?" Robin asked, smoothing her hand over the velvet red top she wore. Zoro groaned and rolled his head against the pillow he was propped up against. "Tired." He answered, the gauze in his nose turning pink. "Of course, that's normal with the type of depression you deal with. Is there anything else you feel comfortable with sharing?" Robin shifted in the seat she pulled up next to the bed, Chopper off to the side looking over documents. He shook his head, he was bone-tired from all that talking. "Ne, Robin..." Chopper asked softly, walking over to the older woman with a few papers in hand.

Robin scribbled a few more things down on the clipboard she had in her lap before turning to the teenage doctor. "Is something wrong?" She asked, sounding rather concerned. "Uh, no, but you're getting ready to leave right?" She nods, Zoro barely paying attention to their conversation. "I am, I need to head back to review everything," Robin explains gently, covering some of the things written down with one of her hands. "Okay... can you send Dr. Trafalgar my way please, I need him to check a few things over to make sure Zoro didn't hit anything vital?" "Of course, I'll be taking my leave now. Zoro-san, I'll be back the same time tomorrow." Robin packed away her things before standing up and leaving.

Zoro looked over at Chopper, who was checking his IV drip, had a rather worried look on his face. "Zoro, are you sure you're okay?" Chopper's voice was gentle and soft, knowing how sensitive the older man's ears were. Zoro himself didn't know if he was okay, he was tired, he hurt and so many other things. Zoro closed his eye and let out a sigh, thinking back on the episode he had yesterday. What was that all about? It was so grotesque that he shuddered violently. Zoro never answered the teen, too busy trying to ignore his thoughts to rest. Chopper eyed him before turning away to finish a bit more paperwork.

The door opened quietly, Chopper turning from where he was standing beside the bed to see who was entering. A tall man with tan skin entered the room, black hair a mess with some dark bags under his eyes. "Ah, Dr. Trafalgar!" Chopper set down what he was holding, going over to the obviously older man. Zoro cracked open his eye and stared at the man he's never seen before. "Mrs. Nico said you needed me to check something?" His voice was deep and smooth, soothing on Zoro's tired ears. Chopper nodded and motioned for the older man to follow, stepping over to the bed and pulling down the sheets that covered the green-haired man's injured body. 

"What happened?" Dr. Trafalgar asked, his grey eyes running over the red-spotted bandages. "He had an episode yesterday that resulted in a few injuries, I need you to check to make sure he didn't hit anything vital." Chopper explained, rubbing a comforting hand against Zoro's tense arm. Dr. Trafalgar nodded and stepped away to wash his hands and pull on a pair of light blue gloves. "You can step out and take a break if you need to, Dr. Chopper-ya." The boy nods and leaves the room, trying not to look back at Zoro who began to visibly panic. Dr. Trafalgar turned to the younger once Chopper left, a soft look on his face. 

"I'm just going to check your wounds, are you okay with letting me take the bandages off?" Zoro was surprised at how kind this man was being, amazed that he wasn't going to be so... cold like the others that have a check on him while Chopper was here. Zoro nods, not able to trust his voice at that one moment. "Okay, do you mind telling me what happened yesterday? Do you suffer from any mental illnesses that I should be aware of?" Zoro rolled the words around in his mouth for a moment, watching stiffly as Dr. Trafalgar began to gently undo the bandages. "I-uh, I suffer from uh, P-PTSD..." Zoro hated talking to people he doesn't know, but this man was so gentle with him.

"I see..." Dr. Trafalgar hums, nodding as he dumped the bandages into an orange HAZARD bin. Cold gloved hands pressed around the wound site, a nasty gash that crossed over his scar over his abdomen. Zoro hissed when the fingers strayed to close to the bloodied area, blood still oozing. "Seeing from how dark your blood is, you're suffering from low iron... You didn't hit anything vital, which is good, but it doesn't seem like the bleeding will stop." Dr. Trafalgar explained as he grabbed a white cloth to gently wipe away the blood. Zoro bit back the whimper that threatened to spill when he pressed against the wound. It hurt so much.

"I'm going to redress the wounds, okay? I'm going to need you to sit up for this." The older grabbed a large sterile gauze and a long length of white bandages, holding the gauze against the wound and helping the panicking man sit up slowly. After the wounds were dressed, Dr. Trafalgar sat down on the end of the bed, pulling off the blood-covered gloves and tossing them away before sanitizing his hands. Zoro played with his hands, nervous as the doctor looked over the paperwork left behind. "Well, can you explain to me what your PTSD is? Like what happens during it and what you remember? I'd like to understand a little better how this happened." Zoro liked the man's voice, it was comforting in ways that his friends aren't. 

"Erm..." Zoro's voice cracked, making him clear his throat before bursting into a fit of coughs. Law reached for a paper towelette for him to wipe up the blood that speckled his chin. After a few moments, Dr. Trafalgar waited for the man to start explaining. "You can take your time, you don't need to rush. Especially since you have nearly crushed your windpipe. Zoro's eye widened at that notion. He brought a hand to his throat, where it was raw and sensitive. Dr. Trafalgar watched quietly as the man took everything in. "I-I did this to myself?" Zoro asked, pulling his now shaking hand away. Dr. Trafalgar paused for a moment before nodding. "That how it appears to be." So he was hallucinating. No one was actually choking him yesterday, it was just himself. 

The older took his hands, setting them down his lap. "Deep breaths, can you follow?" Zoro gave a jerky nod, breath stuttering as he followed the doctors breathing patterns. Soon, he started to feel better, his chest not so tight anymore. "Feel better?" He asked, Zoro nodding slowly. "Good, now you don't have to tell me everything right away seeing how I'm not a therapist nor a doctor, though I do qualify as one. I'm Dr. Trafalgar Law, a resident surgeon here." Law explained as he let go of Zoro's hands. Zoro didn't like how when his hands let go of his, he immediately felt cold. Law pushed himself off the bed and wandered over to the door. "Dr. Chopper-ya had left to run tests on your blood samples, you should get rest." Zoro nodded dumbly as he laid back down gingerly.

What is this feeling? Zoro didn't like how it made him feel like he was lethargic after a swim too long in the sea. He slid his eyes closed to try and rest, by the way, Law was talking to him, it seemed he was going to be there for a while. Chopper came back a few hours later to check on him and tell him about the test results, saying he was rather okay aside from his Iron Deficiency. Zoro was rather relieved but still couldn't wrap his head around why he could've done this to himself. He obviously wasn't doing this for attention, and he knows something isn't right with him... but why is everything going the way it's going?

"Do you like Dr. Trafalgar better?" The question from the teen doctor surprised him. "Huh?" Zoro found himself saying. "I-uh..." "You can be honest. I want you to be as comfortable as possible, Zoro." Chopper set down the tubes he was fiddling with to turn to the older patient. Zoro looked down away from Chopper, finding the ceiling a lot more interesting. "Is... is it bad?" It sounded stupid, it made him feel so guilty. "No, Dr. Trafalgar is a good doctor even though he's a surgeon." Chopper looked rather happy, a big goofy smile on his face. "I've never seen you so comfortable with another person before, I'm glad you're stepping out of your comfort zone." Now that he mentioned it, Zoro never noticed he managed to hold a small conversation with a near-complete stranger.

Zoro gave a small nod and listen to Chopper do his thing before leaving him the room for the rest of the night. He faded in and out of consciousness, still wary about being in a space he's unfamiliar. Sometime during the night, a nurse had made a quick check-up on him to refill his IV. She was quiet, and he was glad about that. When she left, he was about to doze off when the door open. He thought he was about to experience another episode when he immediately recognizes those tattooed hands. Law had closed the door silently and turned to Zoro, a soft smile on his lips. Zoro felt himself lighten at the sight.

"Dr. Chopper-ya was talking about how you're stepping out of your comfort zone, he just wouldn't stop talking." Law came over with a clipboard and began checking everything he was hooked up to. "Really?" Zoro found himself asking, eye wide. "Of course, he's very happy for you." Zoro felt better, knowing that he wasn't holding down one of his friends. Law turned to him and gave him a rather comforting smile. "From now on, I'll be checking on you as your doctor." Zoro nods shifting a bit on his bed. There was a comfortable silence between the two of them, Law doing his thing while Zoro just relaxed in his presence. He was surprised at how safe he felt around the man.

A hand suddenly ran over his face, startling him. He was about to shoot up when a hand pushed against his chest. "Slow down, I didn't mean to startle you. I was calling your name." Law explained, Zoro looking up at the older with a startled look. "I-I... sorry... I had a really bad one yesterday." Law shook his head, an understanding look on his face. "I completely understand. Now it says you've been having trouble sleeping, experiencing inconsistent insomnia and night terrors." Zoro nods, Law helping him sit up to get more air in his lungs. "Okay, when was the last time you had a night terror?" That is a good question. When was the last time?

"Umm... maybe last month?" Zoro couldn't remember, his tongue swiping against the small bandage on his lip. Law nods and wrote it down. "Okay, well... If you're ever having problems you can press this," Law handed Zoro a little remote. "I'll be sure to check on you every time you press this seeing how you seem the most comfortable with me and Dr. Chopper-ya." Law set a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently, noticing how Zoro seems to understand the message better through touch. He must be so touch starved, the poor man. Law watched as Zoro gave a small nod, placing it in his lap. "I usually stay here most of the nights I'm working, so I will have Dr. Chopper-ya let you know when I am not working." Law pulled his hand away and tucked the clipboard under his arm.

"Okay..." Zoro sounded unsure, which wasn't good. Zoro's hands began to shake, though it was noticeable at first, Law knew. Now that Zoro realized he was going to be here longer than he initially thought, it made him panic. Law set the clipboard down, unsure of how to deal with a panicking patient. Zoro brought his hands to his face and let out quick shaky breaths, sweat beading on his forehead. His chest was heavy, it hurt to breathe. Law began to truly worry when blood began welling underneath the bandages, staining them a deep rouge. Law, acting on what he thought was best at the moment, took his hands and guided them away from his face. 

Zoro had a scared look in his eyes, and nearly pained Law to see someone like this, he had felt like this at one point too. Zoro fought against the tears, his lungs burning as he couldn't get air in properly. "Zoro-ya, breath." Zoro shook his head, weakly pulling on his wrists. "Count to ten with me." Law moved slowly, sitting down beside him. They counted slowly, Zoro's breathing slowly getting better with each number. Zoro was so light-headed, dazed. He slumped against the doctor, gasping for air as a hand ran up and down his back soothingly. This is just his job. _What is this feeling?_

Law guided Zoro to lie down on his side, telling him to follow his breathing. His chest no longer hurt and he didn't feel light-headed anymore, he wasn't shaking and felt a little too safe. Law was leaning over him, a hand set on his shoulder. Zoro was going to open his mouth to apologize when Law shook his head. "Rest, you have a meeting with Dr. Nico-ya in the morning." Zoro let his eyes slip close, the warmth never leaving him until he was sleeping soundly. When he awoke, it was late in the morning. Robin was sitting beside the bed tapping away at her phone, a bag of what looked like breakfast beside her on the table.

"How do you feel Zoro-san? Torao told me you had a panic attack last night." Zoro made a noise as he frowns at himself. Robin tilts her head and shifts in her seat, moving the chair closer to the bed. "Have some breakfast first, you must be hungry after not eating for the last few days." As if on cue, his stomach groaned. His face twisting in pain, the wound on his stomach still tender. Robin helped him sit up to eat his food. It was a simple bundle of onigiri and a bottle of water, Robin not sure if his stomach can handle anything else. "Would you like to talk about last night?" She asked, setting a hand on his thigh as he ate.

Zoro took a small bite out of the rice, nodding slowly. They talked, but Zoro didn't feel any better. If anything he felt worse. "I grabbed a few things for you on the way here to help stave off feelings of anxiety, would you like to see?" Robin grabbed a bag full of... something. Zoro gingerly took the bag, looking inside. He pulled out a few things, a stuffed animal, a stress ball, and another stuffed animal you would hug while you sleep. The last one was nearly the size of his torso, a round bunny that had long floppy ears and was soft to the touch, it's fur nearly feeling like nothing. It was light green and white, pleasing to his eye.

He liked the feel of it, and how squishy it was as he inspected it closer, "Do you like it?" Robin asked, a soft look on her face as the younger ran his hands over the ears slowly. "...yeah, it feels..." Robin leaned forward, hoping he would finish. "It feels nice." Robin gave a satisfied smile. "I'm glad you like it. You can keep it, I'll keep the other's at my office for when you leave the hospital." Zoro nods and hands the other two back to her in the bag. "Now, I have a meeting so I'll need to leave. I'll be back later this evening to talk to you a little more." "Okay." Zoro hugged the stuffed animal closer, watching as Robin packed her things and left.

Why was everyone taking the time out of their day to help him? Zoro hated how conflicted he felt, especially when Law was around. Zoro didn't like how his body felt when Law was around, it made him feel weird in a way he wasn't used to. He looked at the door just in time to see the man he was currently thinking about coming in, holding a bouquet of flowers. Zoro panicked, blood leaving his face. _WHAT THE HELL?!_ "This was a gift from one of your friends, where would you like me to put it?" Law asked, noticing how white the younger looked. Zoro mentally berated himself for thinking the doctor got it for him. No one would like someone as broken as him.

"B-by the window sill..." Zoro answered softly, watching as Law set them down before grabbing the clipboard. "How do you feel today?" He asked, Zoro slowly calming down. He hugged the stuffed animal tighter, which didn't go unnoticed. "I... I-I don't know?" It was more of a question than an answer. Law nodded as he checked over the clipboard. "Alright then... We ran a few tests last night and you don't have any infections which is good, and you seem rather healthy aside from malnourishment and low Iron." Law explained, looking at the fretting man. Zoro partially ignored him, staring at the bouquet of flowers that now rested on the window sill. "Luffy-ya said he will be visiting sometime within the next few days." Law interrupts, stepping in front of him. Zoro snapped out of his daze and looked up at the darker man.

"O-okay..." Zoro said in a small voice. Law gave a reassuring smile. "Now, Chopper will be in charge of your nutrition intake. I'm going to be booked with a lot of major surgeries until the middle of next week so we won't meet very much." Zoro didn't like the sound of that, he didn't want Law to leave him alone for the next week. He didn't want Chopper. Law nodded when he thought Zoro understood and took his leave, leaving the younger man by himself in the white room. Zoro wanted to get up by his legs wouldn't listen, his body didn't want to listen. HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE!! _Why does he feel like this?_ Zoro thought his head was going to explode and paint the walls red, it hurt so much. Letting go of the stuffed animal, he gripped his hair by the roots.

He hated this, so conflicted and _gross._

_That's right, gross. For wanting something he can't have._

His chest hurt, tight and burning. He wanted to get better, but he obviously didn't have his heart in it.

_Maybe I'm better off dead._

**_"That sounds so appealing, doesn't it?"_ **

The voice startled him, hands pulling away short green strands and looking around wildly. It was the same version of him from yesterday, no longer looking like his flesh was falling from his bones, standing in front of the door to the room. _"Don't jump the gun so fast, I want to see how far you will go before you **break**_ _."_ The copy said as a twisted smile on their face. Zoro wanted to move but he was stuck in place, fearing for his life. _"Shhh, why do you want to leave me alone?"_ They sounded hurt but Zoro knew it wasn't true, they wanted to hurt him. His hands shook violently as he searched for the remote Law had given him the other day. WHERE IS IT?! ~~~~

~~why am i so scared?~~

His hands shook even more with each step the copy took, Zoro searching for the remote as quickly as possible. He managed to find the remote but it fell to the loud floor with a clack, Zoro freezing as he realized he can't get out of the bed with all the wires hooked to him. The copy stepped over to the remote and picked it up, a smirk on their lips. It's all an illusion, right? ~~RIGHT??~~ Zoro felt tears gather in his eyes, voice coming out so softly it was barely heard. "... _please..._ " _"PLEASE?! HA!"_ They snorted, Zoro's wounds burning in white-hot pain. _"You don't like the little gift I left you? I did it just for you."_ The copy tossed the remote beside him, but his hands shook too much for him to even press the button. Blood welled in his throat, it must be internal bleeding from reopening the wounds so much.

The copy kneeled on the bed, cupping his chin and leaning in close. Zoro could practically smell the blood on their breath, burning warmth seeping from his bandages. Tears ran down his face, mixing with blood that dripped from his lip. _"You look so pretty when you cry and bleed, I want to see you all cut up."_ No. Please. Zoro can't handle this anymore. He inched a finger to the remote, come on make it PLEASE!!! Zoro can see the black spots appearing in his vision, he can't keep the blood held in his mouth any longer. Zoro coughed, hiccuping as blood splattered on the white of the bed and all over the copy's face. _"That's it, let me see you cry."_ He hiccuped again, the tears burning against his skin. A hot tongue licked up the tears, smearing blood up to his cheek.

_I don't want to be alone._

The remote was RIGHT THERE! The copy was whispering in his ear but he could only stare blankly at the wall as tears fell down his face. He felt so weak, fingering the button with his pinky. He mustered what strength he had to press the button, hoping someone, anyone would save him. _~~Please save me Law~~._ Zoro could feel the individual droplets of blood run down his chin, it burned against his skin. **HE FELT DIRTY**. Zoro could only let out weak whimpers, hands clinging to the bedsheets as the copy began to fade. Chopper came barrelling in with Law hot on his heels, Zoro barely making them out in the corner of his eye before he screamed.

**"MAKE IT STOP!!!"**

Chopper let out a cry, a few nurses rushing in to try and pin him to the bed. Law's voice was lost over the incoherent crying and screaming, watching with horror as Zoro tried to put a fight up against the nurses. Zoro was staring at him with a teary eye as he struggled, silently begging for him to help. Chopper couldn't stop yelling at the nurses to let him go, but they weren't listening. Law had enough. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" The nurses let out squeaks as they pulled away, doctors passing by peaking into the room. Law stepped past the women, Zoro grabbing onto his white coat to pull himself up and sob against his torso. Chopper was angry crying now, screaming at the nurses, and threatening to kick them out of the hospital.

Zoro couldn't understand what was going on, too scared as a hand ran over his back soothingly. He couldn't stop the tears or the sobs, just wanting Law to hold him. Why did he feel like this? What is this feeling? Zoro was scared, shaking violently against the older as Chopper kicked the nurses out of the room and closed a door with a slam that echoed throughout the hospital. Chopper cleaned him up as he clung to Law, hiccuping at the pain and holding onto the white coat as tightly as he could. "What happened?" Law asked softly, feeling bad for the shaken man. "I-I-I-I had an-an episode-sode," Zoro stuttered through the hiccups, Law rearranging him so Chopper could change the blood-stained sheets. 

Law couldn't help but feel sorry, remembering what it felt like to be like this. Chopper pardoned himself, saying he was going to make a balm for his wounds. Law sat down beside the younger, comforting in ways he himself has never been comforted before. "Shh... do you want to talk about it?" Though he was not a therapist like Robin, he had to do something while she was absent. Zoro shook his head, now non-verbal. "Are you sure?" A nod. "Are you going to talk about this to Dr. Nico-ya?" Another nod. Law stopped asking questions, focusing on comforting the man. Zoro was now dozing, leaning against him heavily as Chopper, who came back earlier, applied a balm to his wounds to stop them from bleeding.

He struggled to keep his eyes open, sniffling as his nose felt stuffed. Law was still running the hand up and down his thin arms, frowning when all he felt was bone and barely any muscle. Zoro has never felt this comfortable, so safe. It was kind of scary, but he could barely keep his eyes open to worry. Once he had fallen asleep, Law laid him down and looked over him. "I don't want to leave him alone knowing something like this could happen," Law says softly, turning to Chopper. "But you're a surgeon!" He knows. Law turned his head to look out the window, looking out at the dark skies. "There are others just as good as me." "But Doctorine is-" Law fixed him with a sharp glance, the teen's mouth closing quickly with a clack.

"I'll... see what I can do." Chopper murmured, leaving the room. 

Law was quiet the remainder of the time he was there, watching over Zoro to make sure he wasn't going to suffer a night terror.

_Day in, day out_

_At the end of the day_

_You and I go our separate ways._

_Day in, day out_

_I hate to say I miss you_

_When I look at the color green._

_Day in, day out_

_At the end of the day_

_You are the patient_

_and I am the Doctor._

_Day in, day out_

_I spend sleepless nights_

_Thinking of you._

_Day in, day out_

_I hate to say I miss you_

_When I see the color gold._

_Day in, day out_

_Here I am,_

_Sitting on the window sill_

_Watching_

_As you sleep soundly for the first time._

_Day in, day out_

_At the end of the day_

_I mean nothing, while you mean everything._

_Day in, day out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd make it clear during this chapter that Zoro doesn't understand the concept if romance very well, or love in general so he perceives it as having an episode he doesn't know how to explain. Though it seems Law is expressing admiration to Zoro, he actually isn't seeing how Zoro is much too temperamental to talk to normally without him feeling awful. As shown through the chapter, Zoro begins to have a panic attack when he starts asking himself about what he's feeling, and Law is really here in this chapter to help Zoro get better. Healing first, love later.


	4. God (isn't real)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Law and how he relates to Zoro! Zoro leaves the hospital after 2 weeks of recovery and Law hates to say he misses a man as broken as him. Zoro has shown signs of getting better, but he always feels like he might fall back into his depressive routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of the song lyrics is called Oshakasama. Any mistakes will be fixed soon, enjoy!

_We'll kill some crows since there are too much of them.  
_

_We'll get rid of some monkeys there are too much of them._

Law liked being a surgeon, and a doctor. Being nice is his job, taking care of people is his job. But when he looks at Zoro, he feels a lot of hurt. The man looked so miserable but tried to brighten up when the doctor was around. Law felt his pain, though he wasn't exactly in his shoes he actually liked to take care of the man. Zoro was frail, both in mind and body, and Law wanted to fix that. _Don't get your morals mixed up with your job._ Law always kept telling himself, but no matter how hard he tried, Zoro sparked something in him he hasn't felt in a while. Zoro was quiet, usually looking out the window while holding that stuffed animal Dr. Nico had given him. Law, when checking on the younger, would notice how similar they were in ways that were scary to others.

They grew up with violent lives, both filled with blood and immeasurable pain. As they always say, the broken come together to form a whole. Zoro -from how it looked to Law- seemed to only be half of what he could be, as was Law himself. Law learned to deal with his pain through the medical field, cutting people open with gloves to keep his hands clean. Law was splintered even though he came off as cold and indifferent. When the door was closed, he always took the time to look at himself and say, "Am I really okay?" It was all a farce, the beat of the heart and the way minds think. God, what an egotistical thing when you can't rely on a deity to save you from the life you call hell. Zoro tried so hard to keep Law proud, but Law is only supposed to take care of him.

_We'll raise more pandas since there are few of them._

_We'll raise more mankind yet while there are too much of them._

Poems were something he never took the time to do, he was never really much of an English man, but he found himself writing about a specific someone during his lunch break. Haikus and actual nameless poems. When he was taking care of Zoro, he found himself longing for something indescribable. What is it that he wanted? It wasn't love, no way. But the way his heart ached when he looked too long at the younger worried him. Love was gross, not real. People always find an excuse to backstab the ones they swore "vows" to. How petty, if you can't stay with one person, save yourself the heartbreak and not date at all. His family was dead, unlike Zoro's. He was an orphan for most of his life, being welcomed to a group that called themselves the Don Quixote Family.

Law was grateful family as broken as the Don Quixote's took a kid as violent as him in. Suffering from a rare disease and abuse from a man nicknamed "Corazon", Law didn't realize that they were cut from the same cloth. He fell in love for the first time, with the older man. But Corazon's brother was too violent and was lead to believe his younger brother was mute. Law was so heartbroken when Corazon never came back home one day, a note saying he needed to leave for a few days was all that was given to him. It turned out, Corazon had found a cure for his disease but had his hands tied between the government and his brother. Being a government lapdog never came easy. Pain, being shot hurt, but not as much as people think. Oh, how cruel Law can be sometimes.

_While we've always been offering payers and singing praises to God,_

_We've noticed that mankind turned into God without knowing._

Law never noticed how downright cruel he can be, maybe it was because of the twisted childhood he grew up in. No one really understood what it was like to watch your family's bodies be burned in front of you while you play dead in a mountain of corpses. Law would shake his head and apologize, shrugging with a nonchalant air around him before taking his leave. His life was far from perfect, though he was rich and was world-renown, money did not buy happiness. It was all in his head, the voices that'd tell him to kill the patients. He could hear them and would ignore them, when you've been hearing voices for most of your life you learn to ignore them. Zoro seemed to be too in tune with his, too emotional and violent. Those voices control him.

Zoro was odd, with his naturally green hair that fit him and the scars that littered his body. Law was no better, covered in tattoos and pierced ears (which wasn't typical amongst surgeons), and a twisted smile on his dark face. Tall and lanky, he stood out amongst the crowd, just like the head of the Don Quixote family. Doflamingo was his name, odd. He stood at 305cm, which isn't normal by any human standard, and had a wicked superiority complex, getting angry when someone knocked him from his throne. Law never realized he was being played like a puppet until a young man named Luffy came along and did a 180 on his life. Zoro was looking for that help, but with how scared he is it might take him longer to get better than anyone wants.

How sad.

_That's right, who do you think we are?_

_I've never seen the real thing_

_But I've seen them in arts that are here and there._

Why do people pray? Why do people wish? Law had been praying and wishing his whole life, hoping to find a place to fit in and not be judged for how crooked he is. Sometimes, when he stares too long at himself in the mirrors at the hospital, he'll see another version of himself sobbing with their arms wrapped around themselves. It was hard to deal with sometimes, swells of emotion overwhelming in ways some wouldn't understand. Like the rush of being swept out to sea or being too happy, you cried. Emotions never made sense to him, no matter how much he studies the brain of a human, he'd never be able to understand. Zoro was something Law was not. Support, Law was but Zoro was something he would never be. Likable. People only went to him when they had to, though he may be the best in what he does the rumors stunts him from flaunting that prowess.

God, how reckless we've become. Bloodshed and acting like you won a war that wasn't worth fighting. Millions of lives lost for something so petty. God isn't real, and unless someone could prove that God is real, he would never believe. People with a God complex (or psychopathy) have become too much, every 1 out of 100 people you meet in a day could be like that. Law knew he wasn't psychopathic, but when people call you that it hurts. A lot. Life is tough, but saving lives is tougher. People thank God when really it's just another person who saved someone you know. How pathetic.

_Furthermore, God that I've heard in stories always holds the shape of a human._

Life is fine as is, and Law would've like to keep it that way if it weren't for a young teenage doctor insisting he'd help take care of Zoro. He wasn't regretting his choice (he kinda couldn't) but that night when Zoro clung to him like a babe would to their mother nearly made his heart shatter. Law never realized how scared the 21-year-old man was, he was rather good at hiding it at face value. Zoro, from how Law looked at it, was first afraid of him. but as the days turned into weeks, they had grown quite fond of each other. Well, maybe just on Zoro's side, Law was more or less doing what he is required to do as a doctor. When Zoro was showing signs of getting better, that was when he realized. ~~_I'll miss him._~~

Law shook his head, glaring down at his food on his paper plate. He will not miss anybody, love is something that only gets in the way. Chopper was all happy beside him, sucking on a popsicle one of the nurses gave him. "I'm happy Zoro has been getting better," Chopper sighed, licking the red frozen liquid. Law hummed beside him, picking at his food. Of course, Law was happy too but the conflicting feelings made everything confusing. The day when Zoro was going to be discharged came too fast, and Law didn't want to show but found it too cruel to do that to someone like Zoro. They said their goodbyes and now they would (hopefully) never see each other again. Law had a whole lot of praying to do if he wanted to keep that broken man away, but sadly God doesn't seem to look his way.

_Is it coincidence? Fate that has coincided?_

_Perhaps it's just a selfish sketch?_

Zoro didn't want to stop seeing Law, especially those small smiles that made him feel too warm and light-headed. Zoro felt so much better, no longer feeling like he was suffocating under his own weight. He had even gained weight, which made Chopper bounce off the walls with happiness, squealing unintelligible words and smiling the brightest of smiles. When Zoro stepped back into his home, he felt so light. Is this what recovery feels like? It feels so good! His home didn't feel so dark anymore, but now it was too empty. What was he missing? Zoro pondered for more than necessary, sitting on the couch staring blankly at the tv that hasn't been used since he moved into the house years ago. Chopper had given him a binder full of ways to keep his diet balanced but no matter how many times he reads it, something's still missing.

He would sigh every time he opened the binder. He didn't miss his friends, nor did he want to go out and meet people. His friends were still the enemy. No matter how hard Zoro tried to get out of that mindset, the voices would tell him they were waiting for the chance to betray him. He still couldn't wrap his head around how he feels when he looks at Law. Maybe it's having a lucid episode. that scared him, his mind doing something like that.

_It's here and there-_

_Where do you mean by "there"?_

Zoro brought a hand to his mouth, slumping against the sink. Talking to Robin had helped a lot, it made him feel a bit better about himself. But... at the same time, it didn't feel like he was getting better. His depressive tendencies haven't gotten better, still crying from time to time and getting angry or annoyed for no reason. It was so bothersome, changing moods like that even when he was by himself. Zoro would sometimes just stare at himself in front of the mirror, wondering if everything that everyone is doing for him is fake. Maybe. It probably is. It's most definitely, no, absolutely true.

Zoro clutched his head, tears welling in his eye. He was trying so hard to feel better. He cried softly, rubbing the tears off his cheeks and in his eyes.

_What in the world did you mean, DaVinci?!_

_If an afterlife exists? or if it supposedly doesn't?_

_What about it?_

Why is he so hurt? He doesn't want to be by himself but he doesn't want people around. What does he exactly want? Zoro avoided biting through his lip, tonguing the fresh scare there. The words of his copy scared him, but they stopped showing themselves after a week into his stay in the Hospital. What if they come back? What if they're planning to hurt him? His chest began to tighten as he leaned over the sink. His breath came out short and began to hyperventilate. Just when he thought he was going to lose his breath, he remembered what Law had done with him when he would have a panic attack.

Zoro took a deep breath and counted to ten, trying to calm himself. He couldn't stand looking at himself in the mirror, wanting to climb into bed and cry. No, he told Robin he wouldn't do this anymore. Zoro turned on the sink and splashed cold water on his face, he can do this. He _will_ do this. After gathering himself and drying his face, he left the bathroom to make himself something to eat. Chopper had warned him that if he didn't eat enough he would kill him. Though the threat was somewhat empty, Chopper pinched him for good measure. Everyone was happy about how he was finally making his way to recovery, but it was hard. As he was cooking, he felt heavy and tired. It was his depression, and he knew it.

_If we are to reincarnate? Or if we aren't?_

_Who cares?_

His head hurt and the smell of his cooking made his stomach hurt but he pushed through it. Zoro needs to put something in his stomach. After he finished cooking and cleaned up, he sat down at the dinner table and ate quietly. For the first time in years, he felt lonely. Being lonely was something he was used to, but for some reason, it hurt. For once, the voices stopped, so it is a sign that he is getting better. Somewhat. He ate slowly after being scolded who knows how many times by Chopper for eating too fast. Zoro was somewhat hoping someone would visit, even if it was out of the blue. He couldn't stand his "friends" not one bit. They sometimes made him feel like he was drowning, being held underwater until he was clawing at their wrists.

With Law, he felt like he could breathe. Why was that? Maybe it was just the air Law gave off, and bless that man's soul for he was much too nice to Zoro. He pushed the empty plate to the side and thunked his head against the table. Why is everything so hard? Getting better is hard, feeling good is hard. _Everything is hard_. Would it be easier with someone by his side? Maybe, seeing how Robin is practically with him every step of the way, but... Zoro doesn't want her. ~~_What is love?_~~ Zoro groaned and rubbed his head into the wood, he just felt like giving up.

_Mankind are always egotistic about anything_

_They insist that there are still more beyond_

Why? Zoro slowly sat up as he rubbed his now red forehead. He couldn't wrap his head around why when he was around Law he would feel... nervous. His palms would sweat and he would get light-headed, face flushing red as he floundered about while panicking. He hated how he'd embarrass himself, but Law only seemed to smile and find him endearing. Law... Though he barely knows the man, aside from that he's 26 and has a doctorate in the medical field, Zoro always felt like that man picked up medicine for a much darker reason. But Zoro couldn't really care, more focused on the fact he was doubting his recovery.

**_His recovery... doubting..._ **

_Even while we stand on top of the chain of... whatever it's called._

Zoro never knew how close to the truth he was about Law. He took up cutting people open to squash the urge of wanting people to die. Sometimes counter-active work is the best medicine. Law hates to say he loves the feeling of blood, but he always found the color... enticing to say the least. Red was everywhere in clothes, lip color, nail paint, paint itself, it was everywhere. People say blood is a disgusting color but when you take a closer look at it, red is what ties everything together. Now, neither of them believes in God (even though they could've met this _deity_ who knows how many times), but the overall concept on something so skewed is... disgusting to say the least. Zoro saying if he can't see it, he won't believe it while Law says God was never a thing, to begin with.

Two things at different ends of the spectrum that still mean the same thing. It was weird, they viewed everything from the same point of view but not. Zoro was tired of everything while Law wants to flourish, to be accepted. Law wants solidarity while Zoro wants normalcy. Things they can't have, but things they can give. Society is odd, built off someone's perspective that everyone is now supposed to accept even if it's not socially correct. You need to be apart of religion; no you don't. You can't dress like that; dress however you want. God doesn't love you if you love the same sex; if God really cared, would he made people that could sin so easily? It's your fault they attacked you; no it's not, people are cruel and always blame the victim.

_If I am to become God_

_And am able to decide everything_

It's all in your head; then why do we ask for help if it's truly in the head? Society is so crooked that even if you tried to straighten it, someone has a say about it. That's what they hated so much about the world, they want you to be different but talk shit when you are. Singled out and replaced, a number that'll be forgotten in a year tops, a word everyone loved but got tired of too quickly. Zoro was hated since his birth, bullied and tortured, twisted and warped, never able to think for himself. Law was loved but lost that light, family dead and burned before him, wanting the world to burn before him but grew into a respectable man. Polar opposites. Broken. _Destroyed._ You can't replace something warped, even if you never loved it.

They always stay with you, collecting dust. Yeah, that's right. Zoro sitting in the dark collecting dust as everyone went about their lives, leaving him behind. Always replaced by the next person. Law never really had anyone, with the dysfunctional family he called home, he still grew twisted and dark. Sometimes Zoro would wonder what it would be like if he could've grown up a normal life.

_I would certainly not do such a thing as making the world within seven days_

_I would definitely spend more time_

Zoro cleaned the plate quietly, needing to distract himself from his thoughts. As he dried his hands, he thought about why he felt like this. Why was life so hard to deal with? Why all these inconveniences? Zoro tossed the towel on the marble counter and tucked his head into his hands, willing himself not to break down and cry. It hurt a lot to be alone now. He still can hear everyone whispering about him back in high school, commenting on his hair, and how when he was covered in bandages he was just a delinquent. Zoro felt hot tears drip down his face, he said he would stop crying, didn't he? A sob broke free from his throat as he slid down the counter and onto the floor. He felt cold and warm at the same time.

He rubbed his face as he cried, he just wanted to get better. Not just for himself, but for everyone too.

_And would make a proper plan_

_Because look, since it was made in such a hurry and rush_

Law rubbed his face, glaring down at the offending piece of paper in front of him. He had been sent home not that long ago from the Hospital after nearly fainting from fatigue after a 10-hour surgery. Law had gotten a few hours of rest, and it was now near the middle of the night, and couldn't sleep. He had nights like these where he couldn't sleep, terrors of the night keep him awake. He was currently sitting at the desk off to the side of his bed, a lamp turned on and a blue ink pen in hand as he stared down at the poem he had written. Law doesn't know why he suddenly took up writing, for he never really liked English. The way the words flow together, describing a person who was close yet so far away.

With the glittering tears and the warming smile that reminded him of sunny days, it was hard to actually figure out who he was writing about. With vague words and colors, lines and patchwork, left and right, up and down, to the heavens and to the hells. He'd nearly forgotten who he was writing about until he would stare out his window and see that one specific color that reminded Law of _him._ Grey eyes traced every single letter, spelling out a name not one person has ever uttered out of goodwill. It was sad, writing about someone he'll never see again. But he couldn't stop thinking of the way their arms wrapped around the green stuffed rabbit that was so lovingly named Midori, or the way lips curled into a sweet smile.

_It's been cut and pasted, formed and ruined_

_Brought forth and brought down_

_Brought down then brought forth_

Pain. It hurt to watch him go, but recovery was not an easy feat. Law missed his smiles, and the way he would lean into his touch. When Law found him standing up from his bed and looking out the window with a smile on his face, that's when Law knew he was doomed from the start. With his heart speeding up when entering the room to see _him_ looking better each day, or how when _he_ leaned against him for comfort only Law could give. Law never realized the scarred skin was so smooth, baring the same marks as him. Why couldn't they be saved? It was like a festering wound in the sun, maggots eating away rotting flesh. What pained Law the most was his own blindness, giving up right after they left thinking he could catch a break.

Law wanted to scratch away the words, tear the paper, and burn it. But the words so soft-spoken, too sweet only to but whispered in passionate ways, it was hard to destroy something made by your own hands. The words, written so neatly in cursive it put calligraphy writers to shame, words glinting in the yellowed light with still-wet ink it made it even harder. A nameless poem, written on a whim only to be folded and slipped into a darkened envelope, never to be seen again. Another piece of paper and the sound of the pen tip scratching against the paper, how could he still write about someone he'll never see again? God was an _almighty deity_ right? Then could he stop him from thinking about a man he'll never see again?

_You ask, why?_

_Why is it so? What is it for?_

Ink covering the silver lines on his skin, the blade tearing flesh asunder. Red dripping over tanned skin and pooling on the floor, tears mixing with red. Pain licking up his body, the way fire would when eating away at a body. Needles pressing into skin, leaving behind monochrome colors. What was pain? What is life? What is anything? Law would just watch his hand write words, describing the little things he only noticed when it came to the man he envied somehow. _What is there to envy?_ Far from perfect, but too perfect. The way the sunlight caught the glimmering gold, it was a perfectly painted picture. White clashing against green, mixing into mint it was easy on the eyes. Law willed his hand to stop writing, but it kept moving.

Cursive letters, smooth and round as he kept writing until his hand felt like it was going to cramp up. He pulled the tip of the pen away from the paper, eyes watching as the ink dried into the worn paper. It's almost watching a love letter be written, but with the receiver long gone the words meant nothing. But Law felt like he couldn't stop, wondering if the day will ever come if he could give these poems and haiku's to the man he thinks too much about. The voices saying it was too late and that he already had his chance. They're right, he did have that chance and missed it because he was too busy sorting his morals. Why? _Why? WHY? **WHY?!**_ The pen dropped from Law's hand and he clutched his head, shaking his head violently. No, he swore to himself he would never think like this again.

_You pretend to hold a question mark_

_While you actually already know_

Head clouded with anger and frustration, Law pushed himself away from the desk to stand up. Everything hurt, his lungs, his chest, _everything_. The smell of metal stuck in his nose as stared out the window with an empty look. He stopped having violent episodes of PTSD long, long ago, now just starring with a faraway look in his eyes as he relived everything that turned him into the monster he is. The urge to hurt, to _kill_ was strong. It was so easy to pick up a knife and kill anyone, even himself. _No._ Law's fingers itched to claw at something, anything. They twitched at his side and before he knew it, his body was moving. Hand rearing back and slamming into the wall with such ferocity, he could hear his bones break and his nerves alight with searing hot pain.

 _Crack!_ It was a sickening noise, pulling his hand away from the wall and looking down at the bloodied knuckles. White peaked from the torn flesh, blood gushing from the wound. Two of his fingers dislocated, great. Law waited for the pain to start ebbing away at his frankness, grabbing his first aid kit and fixing up his hand. After a quick call to his boss and a few lies on how he got injured, he landed himself the next few weeks off. He wiggled his bandaged fingers before sighing, a passive facade on his face as he turned to look out the window. The sun was barely peaking above the horizon, and the urge to write had never been any greater until now. Good thing it wasn't his dominant hand he almost shattered.

_"Please tell me, let me know. Why is it so? Why is it so?"_

_I'm telling you, it's because mankind are foolish_

Sitting back down at his desk, Law began writing again. More nameless poems and haiku's, only for the same thing to happen again. Food, he needs to eat something. He set the pen down and went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat before returning to his room and eating as he wrote. 

How much longer until he can no longer write? How much longer until he stops thinking about the man he can't have?

_Of course they are, we all are aware of that_

_So they should just perish by a count of 1,2,3_

_Cuz I'm telling you_

_Mankind are born foolish, and they are to die foolish_

Why is it so hard to figure out what he could want? Zoro was so frustrated, it just wasn't fair! Angry tears rolled down his face, life was just too mean sometimes. Why is this that way, why can't I have it my way? _Nothing goes our way._ Zoro curled up against the wall he was now leaning against, refusing to give in and hide away in his room. He spent all night crying over someone he can't have. He was never going to see them again, so why cry over it? _Why am I so sensitive? Why am I so weak?_ Questions that will never be answered. Oh was God so cruel to the ones he made. Giving them something they can't ever hope to achieve. Why make something so virtually impossible that all we can do is just cry or get angry over?

If God is real, then why is he so cruel? If God is real, wouldn't he have healed by now? Why make him suffer? If God is real, why won't he save him? Why? _Why? WHY? **WHY?!**_ Why must he hurt so much? Why ask so many questions? Zoro hated how he couldn't stop questioning if everything up to this point is real, he hated that he can't stop feeling so lonely and hurt. ~~_He hated everything until he met Law_~~. Every time he thought of that man, his skin would warm and his head would hurt. Love isn't real. Love isn't true. _Love is a lie, just like God._

_Then it's just pointless to use our mind_

_Well, let's just look forward to ourselves in the next world_

_Hey wait, what about ourselves in this world?_

_Come, let's be reckless! And then thoughtless!_

_Combine them together and let's make a mess!_

_Come, here's a veil, and here's a mask_

_Wear them both and let's turn everything obscure  
_

Zoro hated how the sun rising only meant that today was a new day or the fact that he now had to wash his face and get ready so he didn't look like trash when he went to visit Robin. A new day, a new sin. _God isn't real._

Law hated how good two colors never meant to be blended, like the way ink bled into the paper when he broke the tip of his pen. He hated how he screwed up his only chance of sharing something with someone else.

They hated how they turned their backs on each other now knowing the other possibly needed them. Why is life so cruel?

_You ask, what's wrong with all that?_

_There always is a path waiting ahead even after things get ruined_

_You ask, what's next?_

_While you were the one who threw them away from doubtfulness_

Law stared out the window, hand throbbing with a dull pain that couldn't distract him from the numbness. Was he always this cold? Or maybe he never noticed because of the smiles that Zoro gave only to him. At one point, he wanted to just hold his hand and stare out the window with Zoro leaning on his shoulder, instead, he would hide away in the break room and write poems. Was it because he was afraid to chase off Zoro? Maybe- no, that was the reason. After Law told himself so many times to never get his morals mixed with his job. _What a fuck up._

Zoro wanted to be next to Law, to just sit with him and possibly more. Was that so hard to ask for? Life was really out to get Zoro, one moment he feels better and the next moment he feels like absolute shit and wants to crawl into a hole and die. But Robin kept telling him that he and Law might cross paths again. It was highly unlikely, with the man a famous doctor, he barely bats an eyelash at the broken man. Or so he thought. Looking back at his stay in the hospital, Zoro began to notice the little details. How when Law first came in, he would be frowning but the moment he saw Zoro he would brighten up. Zoro couldn't stop thinking about that even as he talked to Robin about how he was feeling.

_But, although, however_

_Yet, still, besides-_

_How should we do what?_

_Whatever we say, whatever we do, they say that they're all no good  
_

Law leaned against the sill, his home was so cold. Now he was regretting fucking up his hand, now stuck alone with his warped thoughts. He couldn't stop thinking about Zoro, wondering if he was doing okay. He thought he could ask Robin but that just seemed too weird, didn't it? Law shook his head and bumped his head against the wood trimming gently, he was tired of thinking, and his hand was still sore for writing hours on end. Maybe a nice nap could fix things. Maybe.

_Then what should we do?_

_Where should we go?_

_We're unable to get there, regardless of our existence here_

_So then, where should we go...?  
_

Zoro was so tired after he left Robin's job. He hadn't slept since the other day and his body was screaming at him to sleep. It was a pain, listening to his sluggish body complain as he pulled off the clothes he wore out and tossed them in the basket full of dirty clothes. Pulling on a shirt, he barely made it to the bed before he conked out. He was just so tired from worrying himself to the point of stress over something so trivial. But love was something he's never felt before and he was afraid Robin would laugh at him for thinking he was having episodes he couldn't even wrap his head around. He was glad Robin was understanding, but now he just needed sleep.

_If an afterlife exists? Or if it supposedly doesn't?_

_What about it?_

_If we are to reincarnate? Or if we aren't to?_

_Who cares?_

_If we might go to heaven? Or if by any chance to hell?_

_So what?_

_The path could be by our side, even if it might not be above or beneath us_

God isn't real, and nobody could change their minds.


	5. A day without Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Law, who has been stuck at home for a few days with nothing to do, finally takes it upon himself to get out of the house for a while. At the same time, Zoro has been dragged out of the comforts of his home by Nami and her girlfriend Vivi. The two happened to chance upon each other and things are rather awkward between the two of them. Zoro decides last moment he wants to spend time with Law but was afraid Nami and Vivi would be upset, but it was the opposite instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh MY GOD! How come no one told me I diagnosed Zoro with the wrong depression?? I am so ashamed of myself TAT.

Law looked down at his still bandaged hand as he stepped into his bathroom. It no longer hurt, but injuries don't hurt forever. He brought a change of clothes with him into the bathroom and began undressing his still injured hand. It was no longer a gross yellowish-green (it wasn't infected, but it bruised pretty badly) but he still needed to clean up. After his shower, he dressed and made his way to the kitchen to see what he needed to buy. Days like these always bothered him, sometimes wishing he didn't have to do anything, but seeing how society needs people to function, he wasn't really given a choice. 

Law sighed to himself as he wrote down a list of things he needed, sliding on a pair of loafers as he wrote. The skies outside were a dark grey, and it gave him a slight headache. Rain means mud, and mud just makes an unnecessary mess. As he finished writing, he tucked it into the pocket of the jeans he wore and shrugged on a coat. Just in case. Writing was something he never really liked, but the fact he wrote nearly all day yesterday surprised him a little, but the fact he couldn't stop thinking of Zoro was even more surprising. Another look out the window at the cloudy sky, he was out the door.

 _Why can't I stop thinking of him?_ Law asked himself as he climbed into his car, starting it. Questions like this have been plaguing since the day Zoro left the hospital, making question his own sanity a bit. Now, Law was nowhere near insanity nor was he sane but he knew where his boundaries are. Zoro made him do things he never would have thought of doing, such as caring for someone in a rather romantic way. Fragility is scary, if you aren't careful enough you can break what you love. Love, as Law has said to himself many times, is gross and doesn't make sense. Why does he go as far as he does? To hurt himself from doing something irreversible, to stop himself from scaring away someone like him. It was much too confusing, the voices arguing that what he is feeling is just temporary while the other voices say what he is feeling is real.

It was scary, to know that he's thinking of someone he'll never see again. Why did he fall in love when he knew that he would never see the other again? Why? Law gripped the steering wheel tightly with his only good hand as he drove. Maybe he would stop somewhere else before getting what he needs.

_Sometimes, life is scary_

Zoro wanted to yawn loudly, Nami droning on about something as she dragged him out of the house. Nami's loving girlfriend, Vivi, stood outside beside the ginger-haired woman's car with a smile on her face. "We're just really glad that you wanted to come with us Zoro," Vivi spoke softly with a smile on her face. Vivi was a nice woman, always nice to Zoro even if he was an asshole to her and the others. "..." He huffed, a frown on his face as he was pushed into the car. He wasn't really given the choice, they were making him go but he was secretly glad about this. The last time he left the house was the same day for his meeting with Robin.

Nami looked much happier than she had been the past few weeks, which made Zoro feel a lot better. He still felt empty though, wanting to see someone he can't have. As Vivi started up the car, it was obvious she was trying to include him in the conversation she and Nami were having, but he much preferred to look out the window and watch everything go by. It was hard, wanting to get up and do stuff but now that he's been feeling so much better everything seems a little easier. Though he still feels excluded from a lot of things and his PTSD hasn't been as violent lately, everything was going smoothly. A little too smoothly.

_Fear is everything I hate, but you, I can't hope to strive for._

Why did everything feel so heavy? Even just sitting in the car was overwhelming to Zoro, who wanted to do this but felt too scared to do so. He was ever so grateful that Nami stopped by, or he might've just given up at that point. He couldn't stop thinking of Law, even as he climbed out of the car and walked with the two girls into the mall they had stopped at. So many, too many, things reminded Zoro of Law and it made him ache for his touch, his presence. Law was too sweet, making Zoro feel too appreciated in ways that were too foreign and made him so overwhelmed. He missed the way Law would smile when he became too flustered to talk straight, or how he comforted him when was going through his episodes.

It was a horrid thought, to want to stay in the hospital only to see Law. A cruel way of thinking that he has been trying to fix for a good while now, seeing how it made him think irrationally sometimes. "Look Zoro!" Nami called, pulling on the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing. Zoro rose his eyes from where he was staring at the ground, too nervous being in public like this. It was a small store that has opened up called Bepo Enterprise. The store was cute with its colors yellow, black, and white with a polar bear head as the o in Bepo. The store seemed simple enough with stuffed animals and clothes, bowls, and the such.

Nami gently pulled on his arm as to not startle him, a soft smile on her face. "Do you want to go inside?" His face flushed pink as he looked away bashfully, rubbing the back of his hood covered neck. "...yeah..." He nods shyly, Vivi and Nami exchanging rather happy looks. 

_With a weakness like mine, I'm doomed to fall apart._

Law sighed as he climbed out of the car in front of the mall, he had shopped for everything he needed and dropped it off at home. Maybe if bought something from his favorite store he could stop thinking about Zoro, stop himself from writing so much. Adjusting his coat, he looked up at the cloudy sky as the clouds darkened into a deep angry grey. It seems it is going to rain today. Law made his move to head into the mall before it does begin to rain. Even though Bepo Enterprise is new in the area, he's been ordering their things offline since they made great quality clothes and the such for such low prices.

Law looked around for the small store, hoping he could get there before they didn't have anything to sell anymore. As he walked around the mall, he noted how people looked at him. Of course, he would be recognized, but it didn't matter to him anymore for their words just about couldn't reach him. What he was more occupied and worried about is Zoro. Is he okay? Law hated worrying about others, but he can't find it in himself to stop worrying about the said man. Why did he keep worrying if they would never see each other again? These questioning thoughts nearly made him walk right past the store he was looking for until the familiar yellow and black design caught the corner of his eyes.

Turning to the store, it was more than a welcomed sight for sore eyes. Stepping into the little store he was greeted by a sweet smiling woman at the cashier, his eyes immediately drawn to the racks of clothing. He needed new shirts to wear at home since they've become so threadbare. Law wandered over to the rack with a tiny smile on his face. This was a tiny part of his childhood, the familiar smiling symbol on the shirts and their trademark. It reminded him a lot of Corazon, with that goofy smile of his. Law felt so calm with his mind drawn away from worrying about Zoro. Maybe even a new outfit would be nice too for a change.

After slinging a few shirts and sweatshirts over his arm, he turned his head just in time to see a sliver of a familiar green slide out of view. What? Law quickly rubbed his eyes and blinked, maybe he was seeing things. With a minuscule shrug, he made his way over to the hat display. Normal hats, caps, some with fur and different prints- it was amazing to see such a wide arrange of hats that for once weren't in a hat store. Now Law was no penny pincher by any means, but he never spent so much money on one thing like so many others with money like him do. And it's kind of pathetic when you think about it.

_I long to see you, to hold you close._

Zoro swore he was seeing things, heart thudding in his chest as he dashed right into the animal plushy aisle. He swore he saw Law, standing in front of the racks of clothes looking at them. No way, no way, no way! This isn't real! Zoro had gotten it in his head that he would never see Law again, with his too familiar black messy hair and tattooed hands. He was panicking, did he see him? Of course, Zoro had been wanting to see this man since the day he left, but now that he might've seen him in public it scared him a little. What if Law didn't want to see him again? What if Law thought he isn't good enough? _No!_ Zoro shook his head and picked up a plushy to distract himself. He told himself he wouldn't think like this anymore.

At least the store had stuffed animals. He found comfort in soft things, liking the way they feel against his skin was soothing as it is comforting. With the stuffed animal Robin gave him while still at the hospital, he wanted more like it. Maybe it was weird, or even creepy, but the plushies didn't make him feel so alone anymore. And they helped him fall asleep too. Zoro looked through the aisle quietly, most of the plushies there rather interesting to him. Zoro liked how they all felt, soft and squishy, but he still felt nervous. It was a big step for him after all, stepping out into the public after hiding away in his house the moment he was brought home from Robin's clinic.

This change of pace was needed, but when people stared at him it made him feel anxious. He wanted to dye his hair to get people to stop looking at him but that wouldn't even stop them because of his ugly face that was covered in scars. Setting the plushy he was holding, he was about to go look for Nami and her girlfriend when he saw Law standing at the hat rack. He froze up, it was Law! No, it IS Law! Zoro quickly turned around, his heart beating faster. It was scaring him, still unused to the feeling of this. He distracted himself with a nearby giant pillow stuffed animal, a red and white panda that was bigger than the other stuffed animal he had at home. All he had to do was pray Law didn't see him.

Zoro squeezed the pillow tight against himself, distracting himself by looking for another bunny plushy. He liked the one Robin gave him and wanted to find more like it so maybe this store sells them. Just as he was about to start walking when a shelf lined with different colored rabbit plushies caught his attention, familiar footsteps appeared behind him. _Don't look, Don't look, DON'T LOOK!_ Zoro couldn't hear anything besides his own loud heartbeat, so nervous he trembled slightly.

_I don't understand why I am so scared, but on dark days I can't bear to look at you._

Law couldn't believe his eyes, staring down at the man he thought he'd never see again. Zoro looked a lot better than the last time he saw him, and holding that stuffed animal was rather cute (Law would refute that he used the word cute). "Zoro-ya..." Law spoke softly, afraid his voice would betray him. He watched as the younger tensed and turned his head to look over his shoulder. The glimmering earrings seemed so much cleaner. Zoro's face was pink, the plushy held tightly. Law felt his own face pink slightly, bringing a hand to rub the back of his neck. "...h-hi..." Zoro murmured, looking rather nervous. 

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better." _No, I didn't want to say that._ "Mm..." Zoro turned to face him, playing with the ears of the giant panda stuffy. "Did... did you come here on your own?" That sounds so creepy, but Law knows this is very unusual to see Zoro out in public by himself. "h-huh? Oh no, I'm with N-Nami and Vivi." Zoro stutters, mentally berating himself. "Oh? Well, that's good then..." Why is it so awkward between them, they've been wanting to see each other again and now they're like this? Law couldn't help but look away to the side, adjusting the armful of clothing he's holding. "Um-" "-Uh." They both spoke at the same time, both their faces turning pink in embarrassment.

To Law, this was almost a dream come true! He, whose been writing about Zoro for weeks on end, got to finally see him! Law was happy that Zoro looked a lot better than he did when he was first in the hospital. "Everything is okay, right? You've been talking to Dr. Nico-ya?" Law asked, stepping closer. Zoro looked down with a shy look on his face and nodded. "Mm... I-I put on some weight too..." The panda plushy looked like it was going to just fold over itself from being hugged so tight. What Law wouldn't give to be that panda. "That's great, as long as you feel much better." Zoro felt so... appreciated. It felt so nice that someone was proud of him. Someone he genuinely liked was proud of him, Zoro was so happy. 

A small smile crossed Zoro's face and it made Law feel warm, it was the smile that only he got to see. "Yeah... I feel a lot better." Zoro divulged softly, stepping closer to Law and leaning against him slightly. It was just like back at the hospital when Zoro wanted to be comforted all he had to do was lean against Law. Law smiled softly, adjusting the clothing he was holding. "Is there any other stuffed animals you want?" The question took Zoro by surprise. "H-huh?" He stepped away, hating how cold he felt. Law motioned to the stuffed rabbits on the shelves. "A-are you sure?" Zoro never liked people spending money on him, it made him feel guilty.

"Of course, you can go grab one," Law swore Zoro's eye glimmered as he gave another smile before grabbing a white rabbit. He tucked it under his arm and turned back to the older, still smiling. Law was more than happy at this point, to see someone he was in love with so happy because of him. It was like Corazon, but not. It was a little confusing but now with the awkwardness long gone, everything just felt so natural between them. The two of them stepped out of the aisle, a comfortable silence between them. Zoro has been wishing for this, to just be near Law was enough. Law seemed to be happy too, not looking so tired like when he first caught a glimpse of him in the store. 

Nami and Vivi were waiting at the entrance with their things, spotting the two of them together and smiling. "There you are Zoro, we thought you up and left us!" Nami smiled and Zoro flushed, looking away. "Dr. Trafalgar, what're you doing here?" Vivi asked as Nami continued teasing the poor young man. Law pulled his eyes away from the sight to look at the long blue-haired woman. "Me? I was just shopping around for a few new things when I happened to see Zoro." A soft look passed over his face, making Vivi smile. " _Take good care of him._ " She mouthed before jabbing her girlfriend in the side.

Law chuckled and paid for Zoro's and his things, Zoro eyeing him warily before looking over at Nami. "Erm... Nami?" He asked, his voice small and timid. Zoro was afraid Nami would get mad for wanting to be with Law instead. "What's up Zoro?" She asked, the group leaving the store with their things. "Can I... can I go with Law?" Law thought he was going to choke on his own tongue when he heard what Zoro wanted to do. Nami and her lover exchanged a look with each other before nodding with a smile. "Yeah! Do whatever makes you comfortable. We'll be dropping by tonight to have dinner with you!" Nami called as she walked away with Vivi.

Zoro couldn't help but tear up a bit at how understanding Nami was, it made him feel so much better about himself. Law noticed and turned to him quickly a worried look on his face. "Is everything okay Zoro-ya?" Law asked, setting down his bag full of clothes and setting a hand on his shoulder. Zoro didn't even realize he was actually crying, tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped away his tears and smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... a little overwhelmed." It wasn't a lie, still learning what it feels like to be happy was overwhelming to a high degree. Law couldn't help but understand how he feels, rubbing his shoulder gently. 

Law knows what it feels like to be overwhelmed by his own emotions, and now that Zoro was recovering very well, everything must feel pretty foreign to him. Law picked his bags up and pulled his hand away. Zoro held his bag tighter, trailing after Law as they wandered around the mall. "Has Luffy visited you at all?" Law asked to fill in the silence between them. The more Zoro talked, the more confident he would become in talking with other people. "Yeah, he visited with Usopp and Chopper," Zoro answered, fiddling with the twine straps of the bag he was holding. "He didn't make a mess, did he? I know those three can be pretty destructive sometimes," Law huffed, reminiscing on how those three nearly destroyed the tools he needed for a surgery that day.

"No, he didn't destroy anything..." Zoro said softly as they walked beside each other. Law hummed and they continued to wander. People stared, and it made Zoro nervous. He just wanted to pull his hood over his head and hideaway. Law bumped his hand against the younger, which pulled him out of his thoughts. Right, Zoro was okay. People always stare. Yeah... Zoro shook his head and leaned closer to Law, finding solace in his presence. 

_I want to be the light that warms you, but the skies are so grey._

Law sometimes felt bad for Zoro. It was the way his face would twist as he was sucked into his own thoughts. Sometimes, Law would wish they were close enough to do things to keep him distracted, to make sure he doesn't start doubting himself. Law would hate himself if Zoro fell back into his depressive state. He was making good progress, and Law didn't all that to just slide out under him. But for the moment, Law was perfectly content with spending time with Zoro even if it was only for one day. Zoro felt as though this was a dream and that when he wakes up, he'll be lying in his bed with tears in his eyes.

He would dream of something like this, just spending time with a man he thought he would never see again. Law was so kind and different, a person Zoro himself never got to meet. It was a chance like this where Zoro not only wanted to explore himself but see what it was like to be with others. As they walked together, Zoro couldn't help but admire Law. He was so different from everyone else, tall and dark. "I don't think there's anything left for us here. Would you like to go home?" Law asked, and Zoro thought for a moment. He did want to go home, but he didn't want to leave Law. "Um... sure..." Zoro nods, tightening his hands on the straps of the bag. "Okay..." Law nods and leads him out of the mall and to his car.

As they got in the car, Zoro couldn't help but feel so overwhelmed being in such a rather personal space. A hand on his arm pulled him out of his thoughts. "Are you okay? You look a little... overwhelmed." Law spoke softly, knowing that Zoro was too sensitive for a normal tone of voice. Zoro fidgeted, wanting to hide his face out of embarrassment. Law had started up the car, water speckling the windshield and it getting a little chilly out. He felt so overstimulated, hot and cold, happy and scared... it was all too much. He began to hyperventilate, chest tightening. Law shifted in his seat a bit, taking Zoro's hand and trying to calm him. "What's wrong Zoro? You need to talk." Law couldn't stop himself from bringing his other hand to cradle Zoro's fed face.

Zoro felt his breath stutter, heart rate shooting up at the sudden touch on his face. Zoro felt so scared, grabbing Law's wrist and pushing it away weakly. Law frowned before pulling him over the console between them. _Thank god for tinted windows._ Zoro had tears in his eye, feeling trapped. He was awkwardly pulled over the console, Law hugging him tightly. Why was he panicking like this? Why was he so scared? Zoro broke down and began to cry, sobbing into Law's clothed shoulder. Maybe it was all the times he refused to cry over all the little things. Maybe it was all the times he never gave himself an emotional break. Zoro felt like when he was small, barely able to stand himself up when he was hit for the first time. 

At that time, he never knew it was a sign of abuse. Zoro whimpered and clutched Law's clothes tightly, the doctor helping him back into the passenger seat. Zoro rubbed his face until it was red, angry at himself for suddenly breaking down like that. Law watched out of the corner of his eye, knowing that Zoro most definitely did not want Law to see him like this. Zoro sniffled as Law put on music to fill in the silence between them. After Law pulled out of the parking lot did he finally break the silence between them. "Are you okay?" Law asked, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Zoro made a soft sniffling noise before nodding, rubbing his face gently with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "Yeah... sorry..." Zoro said softly, looking down at his lap.

Law shook his head slightly, a soft comforting smile on his face. "It's okay Zoro-ya, sometimes you just need a good cry to feel better." It was nowhere near a lie, and it's most certainly true. To feel better, sometimes it's better to let go of your emotions all at once then bottle it all up. Zoro played with his sleeves, telling Law in a small voice where his address was. Law let go of the steering wheel with one hand to comfort Zoro, hating how quiet he's become. As Law drove the younger home, he couldn't help but feel so bad. Zoro looked so tired like he hasn't slept for the past few days. "Have you been sleeping alright?" Law asked, turning down a street filled with monochrome colored houses. Zoro turned and looked out the window, still playing with his sleeves. Law wants him to talk to him, to tell him what's bothering him.

_It's so dark; I'm so lonely without you._

After a long period of silence, with Law waiting for an answer, Zoro finally spoke up. "...yeah..." His voice was so small, it tore Law up inside. "...I can't sleep anymore..." "Is it night terrors?" Law asked, unable to bite his tongue. Zoro shook his head, balling the sleeve into his hand. "N-no... I-I don't-" Zoro was struggling to find words, face turning red in embarrassment. Law pulled up to the curb of Zoro's home and parked, turning to the said male with a concerned look. Angry tears started to gather in a green eye, the urge to kiss the poor man senseless was nearly too much to bear. "I don't like sleeping alone anymore!" Zoro snapped, the angry tears rolling down his red cheeks as he frowned. 

The statement took Law by surprise. Is that why he looked so apprehensive to go home? Is that why he gave Nami that nervous look? "Zoro-ya..." He was genuinely at a loss for words, looking down at his busted hand before looking at the other. "I hate being alone now, I feel all cold and I hate it so much!" It was word vomit, but Zoro couldn't stop. Not when he had someone he wanted within his reach. Law listens to him, ranting about how much everything changed and now he was starting to doubt it. Law was like this too at one point, doubting if his recovery was worth it. Law flexed his damaged hand, wincing at the pain before looking Zoro dead in the eyes. "This is normal Zoro-ya, it's normal to doubt everything," Law states, shifting in his seat as he turned the car off.

Zoro blinking in surprise, the tears drying on his still rosy cheeks. "I-it's normal?" "Of course it is, I doubted myself too when I started recovering." He shouldn't be telling Zoro this, he told himself he would never tell anyone again. Why does he always do this to himself? Throw himself to the dogs so they can feed on his carcass; hasn't he done this enough?! Before Zoro could open his mouth to ask, Law shook his head no. "No, I... I shouldn't be telling you this." "Then if you won't tell me, will you stay?" Where had this confidence come from? Every time he talked, it didn't feel like he was going to lose his breath. Law blinked at him and Zoro feared rejection, but what he got instead a bittersweet smile. 

"Yeah, I will..."

_You make me feel so happy like I'm worth something._

After a moment of just staring at each other, Law made the move to get out of the car first. He grabbed his and Zoro's things, the younger following after staring at the car seat blankly for a few seconds. As soon as they entered the house, Zoro let out a sigh of relief. Law rose his brow while he toed off his shoes. "Sorry...I just..." Zoro looked so anxious as he discarded his shoes, looking everywhere but at the doctor. Law softened his gaze a bit, setting the bags down and turning to face Zoro. "You don't need to apologize. Now have you eaten yet?" Law asked, looking down at the younger as they entered the kitchen together. "I ate at the mall..." Law huffed softly and set a hand on his head, the green hair soft beneath his fingers. "Okay, now is something else bothering you?" Spot on. Zoro tensed under his gaze and turned away, puffing out his cheeks.

Law smiled at the sight, his hand twinging with a spark of pain. "Your hand." Came the statement. Law lifted the bandaged hand, watching as Zoro took it in his hands gently. "What happened?" Law gulped loudly, suddenly nervous. "Ah, this?" He raised his hand, feigning ignorance to the best of his ability. "Mm, slammed my hand into something and dislocated two of my fingers." Law wasn't exactly lying, but he wasn't tell thing truth either. Zoro's eye closed before opening again as he let go of his hand. "...okay..." That _hurt._ Zoro knew he was being lied to and that made Law feel awful, he couldn't tell the younger that he punched a wall because of him. Law is _infatuated_ with Zoro, he realized. Law was _in love_ with the man. Someone who was so broken didn't deserve anything.

Before he realized what he was doing, Law brought his undamaged hand up and cradled Zoro's face gently. Their eyes met and everything slowed down between the two of them. What did Law do to deserve this man who was so sweet and caring, but too afraid to show? What did he do to deserve this light that he lost a long time ago? Zoro felt so warm and light like he was free of everything shackling him down. Zoro leaned in closer, resting his forehead on Law's collar bone, relishing in the feeling.

It was moments like these that Law wanted, but sure he was never to get.

_I love you._

_Rest In Peace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted something a little fluffy since one of my friends pointed out that I was getting a little too... graphic with the story. I hope you all don't mind! Any mistakes will be fixed soon.


	6. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Law and Zoro fall asleep together, both startled in the morning. Law is more startled because he's never been in an unfamiliar place before and for the first time in many, many years he freaks out. Zoro is scared by this at first but realized he himself was like this too. Zoro has never seen another person suffer from a PTSD episode before, so this all together is a new experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing comes in all ways, and with people, it's better! If you are feeling depressed, talk to someone, I promise you'll feel much better afterward. All mistakes will be fixed, stay safe my Lovelies!

Law ran his hand over the green hair one last time before he pulled away. Zoro had fallen asleep after dinner, eating quite a bit and looking quite happy with himself. It was a sweet sight, a face always frowning smiling softly as light snores fell from parted lips, and he himself was starting to feel a little sleepy. Law made a move to get out of the bed and go home when Zoro groaned softly and opened his eyes. Long dark eyelashes fluttered for a moment before a green eye looked up at him. Law blinked, slightly startled when the younger man pulled on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Law watched how his lips moved but made no noise, eye dark with sleep.

His chest tightened as Zoro pulled him back onto the bed, balling up a part of the blanket placed over him and pulling it over the doctor before settling back against the bed. It left Law stunned, the act of doing something so intimate warmed him to the bone. Head pressed against his shoulder and an arm slung across his waist loosely, Law thought his face was going to burst into flames. He was so... warm. Something Law was so unused to. Was Zoro really that attached to him? Law couldn't help but move further under the sheets and hold the man he cares so much about close. It was so warm and comforting, something neither of them have ever experienced before. 

Zoro murmured something in his sleep, pushing himself closer to the other. Law felt himself feel even more sleepy with each passing second, eyes heavy as he looked down at the man he was in love with. Love. It shouldn't make him feel shaky and scared, it wasn't like that with Corazon. It was calm with him like they should be. Maybe it's because Law is afraid to lose this light he has just gained or the fact that Zoro is still healing and was not ready for a committed relationship. His eyes drifted closed, the soft heartbeat of Zoro's heart lulling him to sleep. 

Zoro awoke first, blinking away the sleep and settling against the warmth. He was so warm, and comfortable, to the point he didn't want to leave the bed even though he has a meeting with Robin in a few hours. Looking over his shoulder, he let out a surprised gasp at the sight of a tousled Law looking mildly distressed in his sleep. Law twitched in his sleep before his eyes flew open, sitting up and looking around wildly. "L-Law?!" Zoro yelped, nearly falling out of the bed when the doctor flipped out. His breath was coming out short and sweat beads at his temple. Zoro didn't know what to do, the sight scaring him.

Did Law forget he came to Zoro's house yesterday? Did he forget the time he spent with Zoro at the mall? Zoro bit his bottom lip gently, worrying it between teeth as the doctor kept rubbing his face over and over to the point it was turning red. What is Zoro supposed to do?! Law's gasping breath and tattooed hands nearly tearing open his palm. Zoro reached out but shrank back just as quickly when Law doubled over and coughed into his lap, tears dripping from his eyes. Zoro realized all of a sudden, this was an episode. Not as severe as Zoro's but it could be just as bad. He hesitantly set a hand on a tense shoulder, leaning in to help Law sit up.

Zoro didn't know what he was doing, but it was helping somewhat now that Law was sitting up straight and not heaving into his lap. A scared look was on the tanned man's face, his eyes dark with fear. "Law," His voice was soft, barely above a whisper but it worked. Law's grey eyes darted to his own green one and his body grew slack for a moment. Zoro took Law's uninjured hand and ran his thumb over it just like he had when Zoro was in the hospital, his hands cold. After a few long moments of silence, Law was slack against the shorter male. The distressed look on his face was gone, now replaced with a tensed frown and furrowed brows. 

"Sorry..." Law finally said, his voice scratchy and rough. Zoro felt bad all of a sudden, noticing how his eyes drifted closed and he forced his face to relax. That's when it hit him, Law suffers from the same thing as him. When Law's eyes fluttered open, he had a faraway look in his eyes. "You don't have to apologize... a-are you okay?" This was the first time he truly worried about someone other than himself. Law swallowed audibly and nodded, lifting his hand to push the heel against his eye before pushing himself away from Zoro. "I'll be right back, give me a few minutes to myself." Law didn't bother to fix his haphazard clothes as he shuffled out of his room.

Zoro, who was wrapped up in the blankets with a stuffed animal in his arms, made a face and got out of bed. Law was acting really weird, even though he was coherent and could form proper sentences, it didn't seem like the episode was quite over just yet. Zoro made sure he was light on his feet as he left his room, looking around for Law. It's not that he was scared (he most definitely was, but didn't show it) it was more like he was afraid of scaring Law instead. He peaked his head around the doorway to the dining room/kitchen and immediately hid behind the wall, covering his mouth.

Law was leaned over the sink coughing loud enough that Zoro could hear it from where he was hiding. A loud sickening splat made Zoro gag softly, biting into the palm of his hand as Law retched into the sink. More coughing followed by sharp gasping breaths made Zoro tremble, it scared him so bad. Zoro could taste blood in his mouth as Law kept dry heaving, the noise making him light-headed and nauseous all at the same time. He squeezed his eyes shut and made a small pitiful noise, wanting to help the man but not knowing how to. Zoro couldn't help but say that he felt so... _disgusting_. His skin felt sticky and hot, hair matted and greasy. Zoro wanted to look back, but listening to Law cough and hack like that scared him.

Zoro moves his foot a tiny bit before taking in a deep breath and stepping into the doorway. Blood was splattered on the steel of the sink, Law gripping the edge of the counter so tight his knuckles were white. Law froze and turned his head a bit, his grey eyes tired and in pain. Zoro swallowed around the lump in his throat and stepped forward. "A-are you okay?" Zoro asked, slowly walking towards the panicking man. Law swallowed, a loud gulp resounding between the two of them. "How do I know if you're real?" Law suddenly asked, his lips red with drying blood and his voice raw. "How do I know I didn't just dream you up?"

If Zoro wasn't scared before, he was now. Law wiped the blood onto the back of his hand, eyes narrowed at the trembling younger. "L-Law?" Zoro clutched the stuffed animal he brought with him tighter, face draining of color. Law reached out and grabbed his wrist, the grip lose and easy to break.

" _Don't go..._ " 

Law whispered, eyes sad. Zoro looked so scared of him, so small. Law hates that he scared Zoro, but he was never expecting to suffer such an episode like this one here in the comforts of another home. Zoro let out a pitiful noise, a droplet of sweat rolling down his scarred cheek. Law turned away to cough, more droplets of blood flying onto the cloth of his shirt. His throat was scratched so raw he could taste the blood welling on the back of his tongue. Zoro pulled his wrist away from Law, the man looking very distressed. Though, Law made no move to chase after him, just watching him step back before darting off to his room.

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!_

Law growled at himself and wiped away the blood on his lips, stepping over to the bloodied sink and washing all the evidence away. His stomach hurt, his throat is raw, and his heart feels like it's breaking. How could he do this? How could he scare Zoro?! Law loathed himself, thinking back to all the haiku and poems he made. What do the words mean now? They must mean nothing since he scared away the only person who could actually understand him. He hurt, scrubbing his hands until they were pink before turning off the water and looking down at his dripping hands. The water droplets and rivulets dyed themselves red, metal wafting from his hands.

His damaged hand twinged at the movement but he didn't care. He was still suffering from the lingering effects of his episode, blood on his hands that weren't there. What if all of this is just a dream? What if... What if he harmed Zoro?! That snapped Law out of his reverie, eyes wide as he stared at the reflection of himself in the window above the sink. Law could see how the reflection showed his inner turmoil, the reflection pulling at messy black locks with tears running down his face. Where did this all go wrong? He wanted to feel that warmth, to be able to reach out and touch it, bask in it.

Law gently ran a damp hand over his face, sighing loudly. He didn't know Zoro's home like the back of his hand, but he probably ran back to his bedroom out of fear. Law wanted to punch the window but refrained from doing so lest he ends up with a broken hand and glass shards in his face. Law fixed himself up to the best of his ability, stomach rolling after throwing up whatever remained of what he ate last night. Zoro's dinner was great and he hated the fact that he threw what he ate up, it made him feel even worse than he already did. After wallowing in his despair for a few more moments, he pulled himself together and looked at the reflection one last time. 

He stepped out of the kitchen and wandered over to Zoro's room, the boards underneath his feet creaking softly. He pushed the already cracked door open a little more to peak in, expecting to possibly see Zoro crying in his bed or hiding in his bathroom, but what he didn't expect was the younger man holding a stuffed animal he has never bought for him or ever seen. "Zoro-ya..." Law spoke softly, getting ready to apologize when the man yelped and shoved the stuffed animal underneath the blanket. Zoro whipped his head around to see a baffled and partially hidden Law, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Oh-" "-Erm." They spoke at the same time, Zoro's face blushing red as he played with his hands on his lap. "I, uh, I wanted to apologize for earlier... I didn't mean to scare you." Law spoke softly, still thinking that Zoro was afraid of him. "I-it's okay. I know you didn't mean it," Zoro smiled that _smile,_ the one that made him melt inside and feel that lovey-dovey emotion he hates so much. Law came over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. While he was getting himself situated, a polar bear stuffy that looked much like Bepo landed on his lap. Law picked it up, the fur soft underneath his fingers and pleasantly cool.

"I got it for you... I-uh, Robin says it helps stave off anxiety and I noticed that y-you pick your nails a lot." Law had been doing that? He swore he stopped doing that years ago when he stopped having anxiety. "I'm sorry if you don't like it!" Zoro blurts before Law could even thank him. That warm fuzzy feeling he was looking for enveloped him and felt so good like he was back in the comforts of his parent's arms again. "I like it, Zoro-ya. Thank you." Law was smiling so brightly that Zoro just blinked at him in surprise before smiling back. Zoro was okay, he was happy! Law has never felt so relieved in his life. 

Zoro leaned against his back, head buried in his neck. Is this what feeling content feels like? Law leaned his head atop the other and closed his eyes, basking in this close contact he's been deprived of for years. The touch was comforting in a way, but was it really worth after what just happened? Law let Zoro seek comfort in him after scaring him like that, worrying that he would scare the poor man away. Zoro pulled away after a few more moments and sat back on his haunches. "Are... are you sure you're okay?" He was worried for him, it's sweet and endearing in a way. "I'll be fine, I didn't mean for any of that to happen." "Does it happen all the time?" "No." Zoro nods and pulls himself off the bed, walking over to the window to look out it. 

Law couldn't help trace the way his body move, lean and thin legs elegant in their own way. Or the way the sweatshirt he was wearing fell just to the middle of his thigh and was loose. Or the way short strands glistened in the morning light. Maybe it's the way those scarred lips look, soft and sweet. Maybe it's his eye, a beautiful emerald shined to perfection. Maybe it's the way those lithe fingers pressed against the glass, the nails white against pink tips. Was it the way the eyelashes looked on his lightly tanned skin? Was it the way his chest rose and fell with each breath? Was it the way his earring danced and glittered?

Or is it the way Zoro fits against him? Like two puzzle pieces that fit together. With every look, Law feels like he's falling even deeper in love with the younger. Zoro turned his head to Law and gave him a smile; it's a movie scene playing out. Is it the way Zoro smiles? It warming him to the core. Zoro motioned for him to stand beside him, maybe to bask in the warm rays of the sun. Law was so in love with this man, it nearly hurt. His heart jumped, leaped, _soared!_ His cheeks flushed as he pushed himself off the bed and stood beside the shorter man, a warm look in his eyes.

Zoro looked down out the window, eyes half-lidded. A finger hooked onto his pinky, holding it tightly. "Is something wrong?" Law asked softly, looking at Zoro. Zoro took a deep inhale and then sighed, it was such a sweet noise. " _I like being with you, even if you aren't at your best..._ " His ears were red, and Law's eyes widened. The way the light reflected of the gold jewelry and the way his eyelashes fluttered with each blink was so enchanting. Law took his hands and held them tightly, never wanting to let this man go. Zoro looked up at him in surprise, eye wide. Law couldn't help but lean in close, nose brushing against the others.

Zoro leaned into the touch, eye sliding closed. Law brushed his lip against the scar on the other's lips, unable to stop himself. Is this what it's like to be in love? To find solace in another like you? 

Their lips pressed together softly, a sweet and soft kiss. 

_It felt so..._

_Wonderful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out my original work called Ethic!


	7. Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that kiss, Zoro realizes what it feels like to be in love with another person. Law wants to spend all his time with the man he came to love but as every budding relationship begins, another ends. Just as they began to look into each other, everything fell apart but it won't matter as long as they're together... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a delay, I know you guys have been waiting for such a long time! Depression is not a fun thing and I haven't been inspired to write at all until now! I love you little sweets for being so patient. I recommend listening to Phos and Cinnabar, it sets the mood better for this chapter. All misspells will be fixed.

Law pulled away from that sweet kiss, slowly opening his eyes to see Zoro. His hair, that beautiful shade of green. His eye a glistening emerald. The scar on his lip a sweet shade of white. Everything about the man he just kissed he loves. _Everything_. From the way his legs felt underneath the palm of his hand to the glittering tears that fall from his eye, Zoro was his one and only. The one perfect for him. Law watched how he lowered his eyes, cheeks stained a lovely red as a hand set atop his own. How poetic. Law was utterly enamored with someone so broken, it was a wonder how fate brought them together. Was it the way they just seemed to... click? Law didn't care at the moment, too busy to stare at the man who has been much too nice to someone like Law.

Zoro was quiet as Law pulled away slowly, hands falling to his side and playing with the hem of the sweatshirt. The light from outside was a bright orange, the sunset lighting up how ethereal Zoro looked. He leaned his head against the other's shoulder, his face warm. Law let him lean against him, a sweet and soft tiny smile on his lips. "..." It was a soft noise, barely heard as Law leaned against the creme trim of the window. The glass was slightly foggy as it was now reaching the end of Summer and entering the first stages of Fall with the leaves of the trees outside turning from the lovely shade of green to sweet and honeyed shades of red, orange, and yellow. But Law was only focused on the man leaning against him, the silence not even a little bit terse between them.

" _I... like you..._ " Zoro whispered, his voice muffled by Law's shirt as he hid his face. Law's face warmed, cheeks turning pink and his breath only stuttering a little bit. Zoro has never felt like this in any way before, it made him feel so light-headed but so good at the same time. It was just so... _Uplifting._ To be held by the person who never once pushed you away, the one who was there through the darkest of times, the one who comforted you in a way no one has before, _the one who loved you in a way you've never felt before._ Zoro wanted to smile, to laugh but he wanted to cry too because what if this is all just a dream? What if it's something at isn't real and this is just to haunt him and tell him he's worthless? Zoro felt his eyes water but he didn't want to ruin this moment.

Law pulled him out of his stupor, a hand resting on the small of his back and the other on the back of his neck. His thumb caressed short green strands that tickled his neck, was it really that long ago when he cut his hair? Grey eyes that looked like the cloudy evenings of the winter were so warm and loving, it made Zoro feel so safe and loved. He lifted his head to look up at the older man, tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eye. He was so overwhelmed with so many emotions, it was all too much but he didn't want to pull away, he didn't want to leave the man that made him feel so safe. All he saw was that _smile_ and the way his teeth peeked out from under his lip, or the way his scruff was gentle on the scarred skin of his face as the tears were kissed away.

What did he do to deserve this man? With the sweet whispers of nothing as he was brought down from the high he didn't even know he was on, all he could do is whimper softly as Law comforted him. "Zoro-ya..." His voice was so soft, Zoro could listen to it all day if he could. "Are you okay?" Zoro nods as tears that are warm on his cool face still running down his cheek. Law leaned down and kissed away the tears once more, it was such a sweet action that made Zoro feel butterflies in his stomach. Law is so nice, so sweet, but what has he done to earn this man's trust? This man's love? Is it because they're the same? Cut from the same cloth but used in separate ways in society? Lips brushed against the corner of his lips, smooth and warm against his own.

Is it gross to find comfort in something so intimate? To feel safe in someone else's arms when they may not love you in the way you think they do? Zoro buried his face into the crook of the older's neck, breath coming out short and soft as Law held him tighter, refusing to let him go. It felt so... right to have someone hold him like this without them holding a knife to your neck and whispering dark things as the sharp of the blade kissed lines into him. Nothing was spoken between them, just the sound of breathing and soft murmurs of sweet nothings. Law never once thought in his life that he would feel like this to anyone, but Zoro made him feel like he was appreciated for his work, for his resolve to fix what he can, for... _everything_. 

Everyone shunned him, called him twisted- a freak that played with the lives of everyone. Law pursued what he dreamed of, what he always wanted to be even before everything went downhill at the age of 10. Life was so cruel but he still managed to stand against it until he met Zoro. That was when he knew he was doomed from the start, doomed to be pulled apart by the fickle thing called love. Doomed to have the walls he painstakingly made with his bare hands torn down before him. He never meant to fall in love with Zoro in the short time that had together before this, but with unspoken words and written words of poetic dreams, some things are better left to the other person in his dreams. A man who was not fit for anyone was made into a person with dreams.

He dreamt of spending every waking moment with this man, to kiss him awake and watch the fluttery smile appear on his lips as they laid there with each other. There were no underlying desires to tear apart what had freshly blossomed to life, no desires to exploit this trust that was made of glass. He just wants to nurture this broken trust that was patched together with simple bandaids, to heal the cracks inflicted on it and teach him to love other people again. Law wanted to _show_ Zoro a world he's never seen before, to push away everything that makes him hurt and look on the bright side. Law wanted to hold his hand, thread their fingers together through every hardship, and feel everything that the younger feels with him. Show him that he isn't alone anymore.

Even with loving friends, they can only do so much but Law was never given that privilege to be accepted into a group. Now Luffy, who most definitely had some screws loose in that crazy head of his, still managed to include Zoro in everything he did with the others just as he did with Law and make him feel accepted but that wasn't what the young man needed. He needed someone to show him that it was okay to suffer things like this and in the fucked up world everyone called society, someone was there waiting for him whether it's a friend or foe, lover or hater, someone still appreciated Zoro for him. Now Law wasn't saying that Zoro _needs_ him in a way that can be detrimental to everything and possibly everyone, but Zoro really needs someone that appreciated him and Law is more than glad to be that person.

Zoro was grateful, he really was, but the conflicted feelings of him and Law and then his friends made everything that much more confusing. So confusing that it made his head hurt. He never understood the concept of love. Romantic love, platonic love, familial love- any kind of love, he didn't understand. To him, it was like watching a movie. The two main characters fall more and more in love while he doesn't understand how it happens, or what they see in each other that he may not see in himself. They kiss, they hug, they do many things that always made Zoro feel uncomfortable. When he was hugged, he felt like he was suffocating ~~_but not with Law._~~ When kissed, even on the cheek, he felt like his skin was burning in the most uncomfortable ways ~~_but not with Law._~~

Even being touched made him uncomfortable in too many ways _~~but not with Law.~~_ Law made him feel like he was normal, complete. He made everything that makes him sad wash away like the ocean carrying away the sand to a new place. It was like standing in the warm sand with a salty wind blowing by, the tall palm trees waving as the sea lapped at his feet. It's a calming, nice feeling. Zoro knew that Law was going to be different from everyone else he came across, but to change his life this drastically he wasn't ready for. The hand on the back of his neck, inked with letters and symbols lost to him, the short and trimmed nails scraping against the hairline it made him feel wonderful. Law was smiling down at him, shifting their weight so they were leaning against the window sill.

_"I love you, Zoro-ya."_

Zoro's eyes widened, pulling his head up from the other's crook. Law had that crooked and boyish smile on his face, his tanned skin flushed a coral hue, and his eyes closed. The way his eyes crinkled at the corner made everything so genuine. The harsh Fall wind made the window rattle, the latch falling off and flying open. The cold wind nipped at both their exposed skin, but neither of them cared as Law slowly opened his eyes to show their eyes Zoro has now come to love. His eye was wide, the evening light dimming as Law moved a hand to cradle his face. "You mean so much to me..." Law whispers, his eyes tracing every detail of the face in front of him. "You understand me in ways no one else does. I love you, and everything about you..." Zoro watched as his eyes became glassy, tears blooming.

Zoro couldn't stop himself from setting a hand on Law's jaw, thumb running lovingly across the apple of his cheek gently. A single tear rolled down his right cheek, a muffled laugh coming from Law as he set a hand over Zoro's. This is what it's like to be in love. This is what it's like to comfort and be comforted. Law wanted to tell him so many things, give him the haiku's and poems written days on end but he couldn't say anything. Zoro stood on the tip of his toes and pressed a gentle kiss over Law's right eyes, tears clinging to his lips. The action made more tears fall from Law's eyes until he was hiding his face on Zoro's shoulder. So many emotions, too many things to say, alone but not alone at the same time.

Law reached out to Zoro when no one else would or could, and it changed everything. It made him realize that some of the people he had in his life were just like Zoro but have learned to move past that pain. He, who was still a child in just his own ways, had no one to turn to because he was so alone. Even surrounded by people he was still alone. Like the twist of melodies, one reaching out to intertwine with the others but still singled out. Looking for the right note that matched with his. Zoro set a hand on his back, fingers dancing up and down his spine in a comforting way. He cried and cried, feeling like it was when he lost his parents all over again. Law just wanted to be held again, to hold the light that made every day more bearable.

It was something like this that changes the way everyone looks at everything. No matter how you look at it, no one is wrong and no one is right no matter how much you wish to prove them wrong. Some may look at these two and feel happy for them, some disgust, and others may not feel anything at all. There is no right or wrong way to look at a lot of things, but because they were shunned for being different it showed how far we have progressed for equality. Nowhere. At all. There's too many of this, there's too many of that. There's nothing they can't do, there's nothing they can do. It's all the same even after mixed together and boiled down to one thing. Zoro wants to find solidarity, to make sure this is reality, while Law just wants to be accepted for what he is and nothing more.

_Just because everything was falling apart around them doesn't mean anything... right?_

Law couldn't stop the tears from falling, or the soft broken sobs that left his throat. Not once did Zoro pull away or say anything, just letting him cry it all out until he couldn't anymore. This is what he needed, to get away from reality, even if only for a moment, and take just a moment to assess everything going on inside him. After what felt like forever, Law finally pulled away only for Zoro to pull him back. He felt a drop fall onto his shoulder, but Zoro didn't tremble or make a noise, he just hugged Law as if he was a lifeline. "It's... It's hard to tell how I feel about all of this but I don't want you to go..." Zoro whispered, pulling away and taking Law's hand. The cold stung both their eyes but Law couldn't find it in himself to make haste to close the window. 

He wasn't going to force Zoro to say I love you back, as he was still getting better, and he knew their relationship from now on will be far from perfect but Law would give up everything just to make sure Zoro is content.

A kiss.

Two kisses.

Three more and so on.

Each time they parted, Law would look into the valley of the other's eye. Trace every single green line, watch the golden flecks sparkle in the light, the blue rim of his eye brighten the look. It was amazing to finally kiss the man he fell in love with. 

Another kiss.

Two more kisses.

Three more and so on.

Zoro never wanted to part, but every time they did Law would press his lips to the scar on his lip and glide over to the one over his eyes. The long lashes tickled against the smooth skin, Zoro not really able to feel the press of his lips against his eye made wondered why he was blessed with such a gift. 

After moments spent kissing each other, Law finally took it upon himself to close the window and make sure the latch was closed tightly as the sky was now dark and the stars began to wink to life. It was like watching the prince charming look up at the glimmering night sky. But Law was far from that, and Zoro is okay with that. Always has and always will. Law turned back to the younger, that smile never leaving his lips as they kiss. But as good things start, they too must come to an end. Law sat down on the edge of the bed, Zoro following after him. Another night spent next to the other won't hurt, after all, it's not like someone is waiting for him.

_Oh, how wrong he was..._

As the night progressed and the signs of fatigue wore them both on, they headed to bed. It was comforting to be in the presence of his new lover, to aid him in the road of recovery. Law awoke to the sound of a droplet of water hitting the clear film. It was early morning and it was quiet. Too quiet. He shifts his gaze to look at Zoro who was still asleep when the worse thing happened. A droplet of blood fell on his finger. Law pulled his gaze away to pull a hand to his nose, blood running through the crevices like warm water. _It isn't real. It ISN'T REAL!_ Law kept chanting to himself as he slowly got out of bed. There was no blood staining the sheets thank god, but why is this happening? When he made it to the bathroom is when everything hit him like a freight train.

His nose had a bruise blossoming over it, and there were lilies white as snow blooming in the mirror. _Lilies..._ He knew he was having an episode. A single drop of blood fell from the mirror and they all died red, their petals thinning and lengthening out. Lycoris. The flower that Law dreaded. A hand bigger than his own shoulder was set on him, a tongue winding it's way up his chin to wipe away the blood and leave behind a smudge. Blonde hair, one that made him want to rip his hair out as strings that glistened silver in the bathroom light tightened around his throat. Blood bubbled underneath the string, a deep and throaty chuckle dancing on the rim of his ear as a pair of pink and white glasses fell to the floor with a clatter.

Those amber eyes bore holes into his head, Law silently gasping for breath as the strings around his neck tightened with each swipe of the tongue. He never heard the door creak open, or the hand that was set on his waist. Law opened his eyes (when did he close them?) He could see Zoro, a worried look in his eye. The grip suddenly loosened around his neck and he fell forward, catching himself on the rim of the sink. There was no bruise, no blood- nothing. Law took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. Why now? Why _him_? Zoro took Law's pinky, holding it tightly. "Is everything okay?" Zoro asked, eye still tired even though the worry shone through. That was a wake-up call. The doctor straightened himself up and nodded, leaning over to press a good morning kiss to the other's cheek.

"I'm fine," Law whispered, calming himself down. Zoro nods and leads him out of the bathroom, their stuffed animals pushed against each other and the sheets a mess. As warm and inviting as it looked, Law had to leave as something was obviously gnawing at him. But one look from Zoro told him he didn't want him to leave so soon. Law felt Zoro tighten his hold around his pinky. "Are... are you... are you leaving?" The way Zoro hesitated made his heart break a little. He left his phone at home, so he had no way of knowing if someone was trying to get ahold of him. Even though his car was parked outside, he didn't want to leave just yet. "I have to go home and make sure everything is okay..." Law bit his tongue, holding back from saying pet names once they had just gotten into this relationship.

"Can I come with?" It was that tone. The one that Zoro would use when he didn't want him to go back to whatever could be troubling him. "Of course, are you going to tell your friends?" A nod. Law lifted his free hand and ran it through the short green strands, a comforting motion for the two of them. Zoro pulled away after basking in the touch and rushed around the room to pack away a few things into a bag. "..." Zoro was playing with his fingers by the window, cheeks pink as the bag rests next to his feet. A look of confusion crossed over Law's face but it changed into a soft loving one when Zoro made a motion. Zoro's random bouts of being muteness were no surprise, especially when he wanted something. Law made his way over and pressed a chaise kiss to waiting lips, a smile on both their lips.

"Are you all ready?" Law asked, their foreheads pressed together. "Mhm..." Zoro murmured, eye closed and brows relaxed from their usual furrow. They gathered whatever else they may need that is in Zoro's home and left, their pinkies joined together as the doctor drove. As they pulled up to the penthouse Law lived in, a car that was parked not too far from the home caught the eye of them both. Law gripped the steering wheel until the knuckle of hand turned white. The injury, which has barely healed completely twinged in pain. He never bothered putting on a splint so know it seemed to back to bite him in the ass. Law parked the car in the driveway and glared at the offending pink metal of the car, his hand now pressed against Zoro's chest.

"Can you stay in the car?" Law asked, voice soft yet terse. Zoro felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand, a voice in his head telling him not to do it. Zoro couldn't find the words to tell the man no so opted for shaking his head. Law opened his mouth to protest but the look he got in return made his face soften. "Just... I don't know who that is so we can... act normal I guess?" The words came out as a jumbled mess, Zoro now nervous of whoever could be waiting inside Law's estate. A chuckle pulled Zoro out of his head and the hand that was pressed against his chest now holding his hand. "We are far from normal but we can most certainly try." The sad smile that followed made Zoro's heart ache but he said no more. 

They got out of the car, mostly acting like nothing was wrong. Zoro wanted to ask what was wrong but the look that crossed Law's face begged him not to ask. So he didn't. They grabbed their things and walked to the door, not a single word mentioned between the two. Law opened the door and stepped in first, toeing off his shoes and leaving them in front of the little hallway. Zoro stepped closer behind Law, a hand grabbing to the back of his shirt. They stepped into the living room and the noise that Law made freaked Zoro out. It was a mix of pain and frustration. Zoro hid behind Law, afraid to see who was sitting on the couch. "Doflamingo!" Law growled out, a hand pressed to Zoro's back to keep him close. 

The man sitting on the couch nearly sat at the same height as Law, most of his face obscured by pink glasses. "Ah, Law." His drawl made goosebumps run across both their skin. "What do you want?!" Law snapped, Zoro flinching and pulling away to cover his ears. "What? I can't come to check on my _family_?" Zoro looked up at the man, face white as a sheet as the man who Law most obviously disliked leered at him. The doctor stepped in front of him and glared daggers at Doflamingo. If only looks could kill. The arguing between the two drove Zoro insane, it reminding him too much of his parents arguing every night. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head a few times, words coming out a mumbled mess as he tried to get Law to stop yelling.

Doflamingo only smiled and laughed, reclining back on the couch and waving a hand around all nonchalant. "Law..." Zoro huffed, sounding out of breath. Law quickly stopped the pissing match the two of them had to turn his attention to the younger man. Zoro shook his head and covered his ears, afraid Law would yell at him. He was pulled close, the doctor saying something softly before turning his attention back to Doflamingo. "I need you to leave. Now." Law narrowed his eyes as the older man stood, towering over both men. Zoro let out a frightened whimper, never in his life encountering a man like this one. He took a step closer and leaned down a bit to get a better look at Zoro. Law was turning to hide Zoro away from Doflamingo when the said man was snatched from him.

Zoro let out a frightening noise, tears welling up in his eye. Law rushed forward, trying to grab Zoro's hand when Doflamingo smacked it away. "So this is the one that took you away from us, hm? Fuffufuf..." Zoro watched as the other hand tilts his chin and look closer at his face. A loud crack and the sound of glasses shattering on the floor made Zoro open his closed eye. There was blood on the shirt he was wearing, and he was on the floor. Law was beside him, blood smeared across his knuckles as Doflamingo covered his face. "GET OUT!" Law roared, ready to kill the man. Blood dripped off Doflamingo's chin, it pooling into a mess on the floor. Zoro clapped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from getting sick, hiding away on Law's chest.

Doflamingo uncovered his face and sent a blood-curdling glare at Law. "Don't ever contact me again! YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Law shouts, covering Zoro's ears. "You nearly ruined my entire life and then threw me to the streets! And NOW you want to come back and try to start over AGAIN?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! If I ever see you again, I'LL KILL YOU!!" Law screamed, face red with anger. The older man just scooped up the broken glasses and left without a word, the slam of the front door nearly making the entire house shake. Law took a few deep breaths to regain his composure. When was the last time he blew up like that? Had to have been years, with his hands shaking violently even though he was holding Zoro, he wanted to draw blood, to watch someone bleed out.

He took one look at Zoro and pushed him away, punching himself directly in the nose. Zoro let out a scream of horror as blood ran down over Law's lips and chin, staining the white shirt he was wearing red and caking his tattooed fingers red. Zoro could feel his stomach clench, his mouth water, and his teeth sit in his mouth incorrectly. He could feel the way his body gave out and he laid on the floor, listening to Law let out wet gasps and coughs. Zoro thought he was going to be sick, vomit burning in his throat as he pushed himself off the floor. But he fell back down, knees banging against the floor as he tried to hide the two pools of blood on the ground out of his sight. Law watched as the stain on his shirt got bigger, dazed a bit.

What happened for this to go wrong? Law thought as a clot of blood dripped slowly from his nose. Zoro made a gagging noise that tore his eyes away from bloodied hands to see what was happening. Zoro had drool dripping from between his fingers, face looking a little green as tears rolled down his cheek. A shaky finger was pointed down the hall and Zoro ran, coughing and hacking all the way to where the bathroom could be. The lid of the porcelain slammed open loudly as Law took it upon himself to clean up the mess, feeling awful that all of this happened in front of Zoro. This was bound to happen, Law knew. He cleaned himself up as best he could, fixing his nose and shoving gauze up it to hide the bleeding. He even took the liberty to change his clothes.

He leaned against the door, back against the cool lacquer finish of the door. Law could hear Zoro pant, his pained noises as he vomited for who knows how many times now. Should he ask if he's okay? Should he just leave it be? What's going to happen to Zoro now? Law rubbed his face a few times, his head bumping against the door gently. "I'm sorry..." Came from the other side of the door, the weight shifting behind his back. "Don't apologize, I should've seen it coming," Law murmurs, eyes sliding close as he let himself side down the door. "I understand if you want to leave now." Law propped his elbows on his knees, playing with the messy black strands of his hair. 

Zoro sat on the other side of the door, eye cast down on the white marble floor of the bathroom. He felt so wrong, so dirty. It wasn't Law's fault, he never saw it coming, but Zoro wanted to hate him for that. It felt like his trust was broken in a way, but it wasn't at all. Completely untouched and left alone. It was quiet on Law's side, maybe he'd gotten up and left Zoro to himself. _But I didn't want him to leave._ Zoro opened the door to see him still sitting there, facing away from him. At first, he hesitated, but slowly reached out and hugged Law's broad shoulders. "I'm sorry Zoro-ya." Law whispers, struggling to hide the pain in his voice. Zoro shushed him with a kiss pressed against his jaw, nuzzling his nose behind the pierced ear.

"It's okay..." Zoro whispers. His trust was fine, the voices in his head are just twisting the words that had no malice in them. Law set a hand over Zoro's, hand holding his own tightly. 

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

Some things are meant to be, while some aren't...

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for using the term mute as some may find it offensive, but because Zoro is neither deaf nor hard-of-hearing, I had to use this term. Please forgive me!


	8. Have the time of our Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro and Law are spending time with each other, the lurking threat of Doflamingo ever-present. The two confide with each other and Law does something that makes Zoro dizzy. Isn't it great that he's healing? Even after being together for months now, Zoro feels good as does Law.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Tengoku he Ikou by Kikuo. I thought I would try to write their first time together so I hope you all enjoy this token of gratitude, seeing how I did fast forward in their relationship a bit. All mistakes will be fixed.

_Let's go to Heaven, let's go to heaven,_

_A fun farewell for me and you, just the two of us._

The hand on the back of his neck was comforting, Zoro found. 

They were curled up together in Law's bed, a hand rubbing up and down his neck as he was pressed against his side. A soft sigh and a kiss to his ear, the lips trailed down from his ears to the corner of his lips. Law whispered a few sweet nothings before nuzzling his face into the younger's neck. "It's okay..." Zoro whispered, talking about earlier. It was quiet between the two of them, Law at first too scared to talk to him. "I..." Zoro listened to him choke up, the words caught in his throat. The younger sat up, rubbing Law's back as he clung to him like a newborn babe. "Zoro-ya... I-I..." The hand on his hip balled the sweater he was wearing up. 

Hot tears dripped down his neck, the doctor's breath stuttered. Zoro felt his own eyes water, he hated seeing Law cry. "I love you so much Zoro-ya." He said through a hiccuping breath. Zoro felt his face flush a soft red, Law pulling away to wipe the tears. A hand cradled his face and Zoro thought he was going to burst into tears. 

_Let's go to Heaven, let's go to Heaven._

_Without being bothered by anyone anymore, in a sky just for us._

Law had a sweet smile on his lips, eyes half-lidded, and hair a mess. A kiss was pressed to his lips, a soft and chaste one. Zoro reached out for him when he pulled away and slithered out of the bed, watching with a curious eye as he shuffled through his desk. He pulled out envelopes, folded papers lightly browned with spilled coffee, and more papers sticking out of envelopes with ink stains. He took the small stack and sat down on the bed, his cheeks red with an embarrassed look on his face. "I-uh..." Zoro thought it was funny that Law was at a loss for words, flustered and tripping over his words. 

"I made these... when we first met," He set down the stack in front of the younger and played with his tattooed hands. Zoro took the first sealed letter on top of the pile, it a nice clean white with a word in cursive on the front. Snow. He raised an eyebrow, a little shy as Law looked at him intently. He pulled open the letter, gently tearing open the lip and taking out the folded paper. Smooth cursive letters filled the page, his cheeks red as he red the poem. It talked about someone, but at first, he couldn't tell who it was. **_White skin, smooth like freshly fallen snow. Hair green as the grass..._**

It was talking about him.

_In a quiet place with nothing in it,_

_To you, who has become only a body,_

_I'll give you my arms and legs_.

The more letters he read through, the more he realized they were about him. He picked up another letter that was titled, Corazon. "When I wrote this one, I was reminded by another person by you..." Law spoke softly, Zoro pulling his eyes away from the poem to look at Law. "Um! Well, it doesn't matter now though," Law leaned in to peck his cheek, his face warm when he pulled away. "All of this is for me?" Zoro asked softly, leaning into the touch. Lips ghosted across his ear, his earrings chiming softly. Law wanted to kiss him senseless, to pull him close and love him until they both rot away, hold his hand even after death. Law wanted everything of Zoro- the smooth skin, the way his lips parted when he leaned in for a kiss, the way his lashes flutter when a hand ran through his hair- _everything._

Zoro was the light of his life, his whole world. His everything. Law would do anything to make sure that light never disappears from his hands, to make sure that his love wouldn't suffer. Zoro would lean against him, a quiet move that he has always done even when in public. Every day from so on, every morning and before they turned in for the night, Zoro would read a poem or a haiku. It made Law feel warm inside like someone was hugging him and sharing their warmth. Law was so madly in love with Zoro.

"Zoro-ya..." Law would whisper with each kiss, taking his time to love every inch of skin under his lips. 

_To me, who has become only arms,_

_You give me your body._

Law would run his hands across the lithe body, pressing sweet kisses to the lips that parted only for him with soft sighs. He wanted to take his time, to let Zoro stop him he needs to. "Zoro-ya..." Law whispers once more, a hand roaming over the scar that bisected the pale chest in front of him. How would this skin look kissed by the sun? How would this body look with beautiful and plump muscles? How would this body look with his marks? The black ink that mixes with his own? Their bodies together as one? Zoro's chest swelled and caved with each breath, cheeks pink as a hand was fisted into the bedsheets. "Are you okay?" Was asked, hanging between them. The green eye looked away shyly, teeth pressing against the inside of his lip gently.

There was a nod, but that's not what Law wanted to see from the younger. He leaned down, pressing his bitten lips to his neck gently. A soft gasp left red lips, a sweet noise in his ears. What a beautiful noise. "Y-yes..." "Are you sure?" It would break his heart if Zoro was doing this just for him, to make him happy instead of himself. Zoro brought the hand fisted into the sheet to cover his face, ears red as a chuckle left the doctor poised above him. Law gently moved the hand away and pressed a sweet kiss to the green halo of hair. Law loved his body, worshipped it like a God he doesn't believe in. He wanted to hear those soft breaths, the sweet sighs, and moans that left him as a hand ran down the expanse of his body.

Zoro wanted to melt into the bed, the way those hands were warm against his skin. He wanted Law to kiss him more, he wanted those hands to make him feel things he's never felt before. Zoro made a noise in the back of his throat, Law stopping his roaming hands on his hips. Zoro felt the flush travel down his neck, bottom lip quivering as he couldn't form any words. Then Law gave him that _smile_. The one that made his heart melt.

_This is Heaven, the two of us as one,_

_Spinning on a merry-go-round, getting spun around and around._

_From you to you, from me to me, we say good-bye._

Lips pressed against the soft swell of his chest, Law taking in every subtle curve of Zoro's body. It was a way he's never done, taking his time to take someone in. Law was giddy, but his fingers tingled with each touch. He skimmed his hand down the front of his lover once more, lapping over a rosy bud with his tongue before nipping it gently. The moan he was given was like giving water to a dying man. Law drank in the noises, rubbing his fingers ever-so-gently against the sensitive skin of his lover, the skin like silk beneath his fingers dampened with water. Zoro whimpered softly, closing his eye to relax into the bed. The space between his thighs dripping with want, Law just wanted to eat him up. So he did.

"My beautiful, strong, amazing Zoro-ya..." Law huffed gently, slicking up his fingers with a lube that was beside Zoro's heaving chest. That flushed face drove him crazy, but his heart beats faster at the thought of Zoro submitting himself so willingly when he was scared made him feel good about himself. Not once has he felt this way towards someone, but it felt so good to be like this. "Sweet, caring..." Law prattled, unable to stop himself from praising the younger below him. He caressed that sensitive place between his thighs, a sweet sound dripping from covered lips. He leaned forward to kiss his lover, running his other hand through the messy green hair that has gotten a bit longer now. 

"Law..." Zoro breathed, eye scrunched with pleasure as the finger pressed inside. He was warm inside, the walls smooth and accepting him gratefully. "Law..." He chants, making grabby hands. A smile danced on both their lips as they kissed gently, Law taking his time to prepare Zoro until he was a panting mess. He loved the feeling of raw passion, the feeling of their roughened skin rubbing together like molten silk. Zoro wanted more, to be eaten whole by this pleasure and to never escape this feeling of being whole.

_Let's go to Heaven, Let's go to Heaven._

_Me and you want to enjoy breaking apart, just the two of us,_

_So let's go, Let's go to Heaven,_

One finger turned to two then to three, Zoro wanting to melt into the sheets once more. He felt so good it was unbelievable! The way those fingers pressed inside him so gently made him feel so close to the man he's been with for almost two months now. Kisses were pressed incessantly against his own, teeth gently pulling on his bottom lip before a tongue ran over his teeth gently. Law just couldn't stop kissing Zoro, loving the way he just leaned into the kiss and pressed against his body as silently asked for more. Law wanted to give him everything, and he will. "My loving dear, my beautiful and strong love..." Law whispered against his other's lips, drawing in the soft moans as he stretched his fingers.

It was so easy to get carried away in the moments of holding his lover close, the chest below his own rising and falling at a fast pace with each whimpering breath was more than Law could ask for. He pulled his fingers away, pressing another kiss to Zoro's bruised lips and positioning himself. Seeing this man who has been through so much, too much, beneath him with such a loving look in his eye made his already red cheeks darken and spread to the tip of his ears. What did he do to deserve this man? Law felt his eyes water a bit but he willed himself to not ruin this moment, pushing in slowly as to not hurt this man he loved so much.

_Without being bothered by anyone, to our wedding._

The moan that left Zoro was amazing, a sweet and soft noise that flowed between them as Law pushed to the hilt. His breath stuttered, Law steadying himself with a hand on the bed when Zoro took it and intertwined their hands together. He was pulled down by Zoro, a kiss pressed against his collar as he began to move slowly. It felt so right, to be like this. To be one with the one he loved so much.

_Let's go, let's go to Heaven._

_Me and you will give a wedding ceremony for just the two of us,_

_We'll give it in Heaven,_

_Me and you, just the two of us, slowly say good-bye..._

Zoro felt so complete, letting go and letting Law take care of him was more than he could ever ask for. The way the bed creaked underneath them, the way Law leaned over him to kiss him, or how his arm slipped under his head to pull him closer into the kiss was like a dream come true. Zoro moaned into the kiss, the tattooed hand in his hair rubbing his scalp gently as the other hand ran up and down his body in loving motions. Law had that look in his eyes that made Zoro dizzy, his head spin even though he was still laying down. His eyes a stormy grey filled with passion and half-lidded as he pushed in and pulled out at a slow and loving pace. The hands running down his body, worshiping him and loving every part of him.

Across the scars and down the spine of his back as he was pushed onto his side gently, between his thighs where the scars of scratches reside, on his ankles with a warm kiss, his hands pulled above his head. Hands run over his chest, nails running across over every scar on the front of his body, a sweet sigh escaping Law as he pushed in. Zoro moaned, the hands now on his back dancing up his back once more. The silver lines of individual scars of a belt are traced and outlined. Even as Law canted his hips in the slow rhythm they made for themselves and the soft sighs leaving the older man, Zoro couldn't find it in himself to even want to fight back with each touch to the scar. This man has seen so much of him, so, so much.

Even with his spine arching like a taut bow, or the glittering tears running down his cheeks as Law slipped a hand under to cup his chin or the way he was pushed into the bed with his stomach buried into the sex scented sheets, Law kissed away those tears each time he pulled away and pushed back in. It was nothing he's ever felt before. Law pushing in and silencing his soft cries with sweet kisses, or how when the pull of his hips left him wanting more was too much! Zoro felt those sinful fingers press against his lips, slipping past the plush and wet skin and past the teeth dripping with drool. Law pressed deeper into him, draping himself across the arched back and pressing wet kisses to the gold pierced ear.

_Your fingers, wrists, arms, and shoulders disappear,_

_Toes, heels, and knees disappear._

Zoro felt so safe even when he was exposed like this. It was the best feeling in the world to let go of all the things that made him scared, even when Law murmured sweet nothing's into his ear. 

_Thighs, back, stomach, chest, neck,_

_Face, head, all disappear._

Law wanted to make sure Zoro felt good, to let him know that he's safe. A kiss pressed on the corner of his jaw, sliding down to pepper the shoulders and upper back. "I love you..." Law murmurs, Zoro clenching around him. A sweet and honeyed moan left his parted lips, the muscles that are developing rippled underneath his hands. He traces the outline of the ribcage underneath the thin skin and muscles. He can imagine the beautiful ink spiraling up his skin, it kissed by the sun, and the muscles developed enough to sit aesthetically pleasing on the body. But he didn't care how Zoro develops, he'll still love him then. A cry brought him from his thoughts, Zoro clawing at the sheets as his head was thrown back, eye wide and glassy with tears as white splattered on his front.

He tightened around him, Law grunting as he pushed through his orgasm with a few more pumps of his hip. Zoro had his face buried in the pillows, ears red as Law pulled himself out. "Are you okay, Zoro-ya?" Law asked softly, skimming a hand over the lightly sweat peppered back. "I-I... made a mess..." he whispered, embarrassed for releasing like that. A smile crossed Law's features, him leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of his head. "Don't worry about that. Come, let's get cleaned up." Law helped Zoro stand up on shaky legs, the scent of sex and sweat permeating the air around them. 

_Me and you don't need to be two people anymore,_

_So happy Birthday today._

_Me and you light one candle,_

_Let's dance around the_ cake.

After their shower the two changed the sheets and cleaned up the room, Zoro flopping on the bed and laughing when Law followed after. Their legs tangled around each other, hands worming through soft and blow-dried hair. "How do you feel?" "I feel better..." Came the shy answer. Law looked down at him with loving eyes, a finger dancing through the golden earrings that chimed a beautiful melody in his ear. A few kisses were pressed all over his face, a chuckle leaving the both of them. "As long as you feel better, I don't care," Law spoke, cheeks pink as that boyish smile danced over his lips. Zoro gave that smile back, the one that made Law see stars. He was so stricken with this man with him, the one that made him feel like a kid in the candy shop.

They dozed off in each other's arms, Law pulling one of the many blankets on the bed to wrap around them. Zoro gave a sleepy blink, body blissfully sore and every worry in the world gone as he only thought about his one and only. 

_This is Heaven, with one person as zero people,_

_Because zero people are the same as everyone, the same._

_With you as you, and me as me, because we are somewhere._

It was warm against his neck when Zoro stirred, his stomach gnawing at him to eat. It was way past dinner, seeing how they slept through it, but Zoro made no move to get up at the moment. Law's face was pressed into his neck, lashes fluttering now and then as he slept quietly. Zoro loved this so much, to be awake and admire this calm face in front of him. Suddenly, Law's eyes opened slowly. They're grey and muggy with sleep and he's lifting a hand to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Zoro blinked, startled when Law pressed a sleepy kiss to the corner of his lip. "Are you hungry?" His voice was gruff, but Zoro nods anyway. They get up, with Law still half asleep to eat their late dinner. "Do you work tomorrow?" Zoro asks as he eats the food presented in front of him.

"Mm, I may come home late. Will you be returning home?" Zoro didn't want to go home, but it would be odd to stay at Law's home for more than a few days at a time. Law wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind the chair. kissing his cheek gently. "What will you do about him?" Zoro asked softly, finishing his plate of food. "Him?" Zoro fidgeted in his seat and Law immediately knew who he was talking about. "Don't worry about him Zoro-ya, I promise to keep you safe." Those words made him feel fuzzy inside as they got up to go back to Law's bedroom.

_Let's go to Heaven, Let's go to Heaven,_

_Me and you languidly mix together above the sky._

_Let's go, let's go to Heaven,_

_Becoming clouds, becoming the sky, becoming the stars, becoming a dream,_

The hand holding his own was warm to the touch, a smile on Zoro's face as they made their way through the home. As he was pulled through the living room Law turned around and pulled him close, still holding his hand. It seemed to be one of those nights. A laugh exploded from Zoro as he was picked up and spun around. Law laughed along with him, setting him down to pull him by the waist. So much for sleeping the rest of the night. But Zoro didn't care as long as he always got to see this happy face of his. A hand settled on his back and the other took his hand as they danced to non-existent music. It was like right out of the movies he and Law would watch sometimes, where they would dance in the middle of the night without a care in the world.

It was a great feeling, to be this close to someone he only met months ago. 

_Let's go, let's go to Heaven._

_Me and you will give a wedding ceremony for just the two of us,_

_We'll give it in Heaven,_

Law would spin him, kiss him, do anything and everything with him. 

_Dancing around and around to exhaustion, until we can't tell each other apart._

_We're happy, we're happy in Heaven,_

_Even though we can't see anywhere anymore, we can be together anywhere._

_We're happy, we're happy in heaven,_

Zoro would smile, he would smile. They would kiss as they fell onto the couch together, laughing and breaking apart. Nothing in this world could take away what was happening between them. Nothing.

_No one can bother us in the sky with the two of us,_

_We're happy, we're happy in Heaven,_

_Even though we can't see anywhere anymore, we can be together anywhere, right?_

Even when the glittering tears fell down those cheeks, I would still be in love with you after we split. But, will you still look at me in the same way? You mean the world to me and so much more, you make me believe in things I never once gave a thought of. You light the world that once was dark and bloody, and I wish to do the same for you, my dear. Even when your hair grew too long and you cut it, with the wind carrying off the green strands I love, I'll still love you. Even when the scars you once hated are overcome with the ink of the needle, I'll make you mine all the same. With the curve of your back, the warmth of your lips, and the glimmer of your eye... You make me everything. Even if you pull away and fall back into those old ways, I'll still love you.

Even if you scream and cry to the world, turning your back on me and leaving me behind, I still love you. Even when those words you whispered in nights of passion, I love you. Even when the skin and muscles are pulled away, the bones broken and bloodied, lying in your own puddle of blood I love you. Will you say the same when I fall and shatter my bones? Break my arms and bleed out? Will you clean up the mess I made and still love me? When I'm floating in that red haze, sitting on that fucked up cloud 9, will you come to me? 

Even with the blood running down your face I still love you. Even when you fall and shatter your bones and break your arms I love you. Even when you bleed out in that mess of red and gore, I'll clean it up and kiss you goodnight. I'll follow you to that cloud 9 so we can be together. Sitting with your guts in hand with a knife through your heart I'll do the same to myself. You came to me when I didn't want anything new, and here I am sitting with you above my open body, willingly letting you cut me open and fold back the muscle and skin. Even with the knife cutting open my stomach and your fingers toying with my heart I'll look at you with that loving look. I'll let you clean my insides up and sew me back together.

If I cut you open and do the same, will you still love me? Will you call my name as I play with your intestines? Will you tell me you love me even if I tear your heart apart with my hands? Cut you down to pieces and then piece you back together? Will you kiss me even if I have no tongue? Will you look at me even if I'm blind? Will you still let me kiss you even if you're dead in my arms? Will you eat up my love and still give it back? Will you?

And if I say no, what will you do? 

We were never meant to be.

And if I say yes?

Will you do it for me?

What you have done for me?

Yes.

_We're happy, we're happy in heaven,_

May I? Take your hand in mine and we'll have the time of our life.

Can you? I'll put my hand in yours and follow you up to the heavens.

Broken and lying in the blood as the clouds go by, I'll rot away with you.

I'll rot away with you too and find you in the next life. 

_Let's spend forever and ever just the two of us, dancing together._

Let's spend the rest of our life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please R&R I love getting your guy's comments, it makes my life so much better! Also, check out my new story that will be coming out called Crown of Smoke, I promise it won't disappoint.


	9. Fall back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, Zoro falls apart one night. Everything is breaking and Law doesn't know what to do. When everyone goes their separate ways, everyone is left lying in their own puddle of blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> Heavy Religious themes  
> Dysphoria  
> Very little body dysphoria  
> Light body horror
> 
> If you cannot handle any of these themes, I do not recommend reading this story anymore.  
> DYSPHORIA: A state of unease or general dissatisfaction with life. (There are different types but this one is more or less geared towards my version of mind dysphoria.)

Zoro sat on his bed, the morning dew clinging to the window he looked out of. Everything around him crumbled, falling into small pieces the reflected each whirling emotion inside him. He counts each drop, the morning sunlight grey with monochrome colors. How long had it been since Law last touched him? The bed he laid in, cold and barren without any trace of him left. The sheets rumpled, no longer drenched in the scent Zoro enjoyed. None of those lingering touches that made his body feel warm, full of invigorating life. The vines clinging to the window wilt, the dew doing nothing to save them from what lies before him.

The sweatshirt tossed over the chair, the smiling face of unspoken ways, laying there in the cold morning. The curl of ink, warm hands tracing the sharp plains of his body long gone as the singing of the morning no longer reach his ears. Lips that grazed his own melting away into the cold breeze as death tapped the pale shoulders of his body. The cool of the tattered black silk crossing his back, bony hands cradling his chin. Drops of blood run down his cheek, tears of the dead running, staining his skin red. Metal biting his skin, pulling him apart gently. Hands of his own touch the skull poised above, eyes blinded by his own forgetfulness.

Zoro wilts, breaks. _Falls apart._ The drops of dew clump together, the ways of his errors haunting him. Black hair, falling from his view as he turns. The door is cracked, but no one is there. Beyond the halcyon awaits his fortitude, the beckoning of whispering voices past the window hanging in the black. He sits in the white, warm touches of halo's touching his worn skin while he gazes. His eyes are tired, his body aches, but the reason for everything falls through his fingers. The strings pull apart, the fabric splitting as worn wood presses to his skin. Wells of blood, dark and red, roll down and drop into a puddle, lost within his own mind.

The scrape of nails, rusted with grime. The pull of his hair, green falling like dead leaves. The passing of his wills, the cackle of people in his ears as he pulls his legs to his chest. In the blink of an eye, everything will disappear. Everything will fall apart, tear itself, and rip open. The creak of his ribs, the tautness of his skin, the pop of his joints, the rolls of his spine... Everything pulls apart. The bones snapping, strings of muscle ripping as nerves fray and pop, his skin opening with a clean line. Blood pools under his feet, the gleam reflecting his tired face. The cry of his voices, arguing in unison until their words are muddled together.

The succor of those who pardon him, long forgotten as the muddled clouds of the sky rain down in lone drops of rain. The tree's of yore, ethereal in the grey light as they wilt and decay. Blossoms of the dawn give way and fall back to the evening, begging for the light as water washes away the blood staining the white petals. The glass panes, fogged of the cool water and the warmth of the inside, hide away the hidden faces that cry. In the bed of white, with angels sitting beside him, and Death spreading the cold touch of his ways. Even if they weren't actually there, he's never felt more alone. Dull luminosity, gold light that has no warmth leaves him with that chill.

Impressions of the body, pillow curled where his head once stowed. How Zoro longs to fix himself. The black curls, swims. The sill of the window a shy grey as the outdoors looked untouched. There's no blood, no smell of metal. There's no snivels of torment, caterwauls of cries, groans of bones. Nothing. Zoro pulls at his hair, scalp prickling in shards of pain. His body hurt. The slam of metal echoed in his ears, rusty nails hammered into the wall. The clang of chains crusted over in blood, whipped against his flesh. Ichor splattered on the ground, wailing barely heard over guffaws of laughter.

Tissue rips from him, bound to the wall as they tear into him like wolves finding dinner in days. Viscera prodded at, eyes in a bloody haze as he stood beside his open body. Dark faces, barely recognizable. Blood drips over the tip of his nose, throat raw and hemorrhaged. Effervescence popping, dripping down his chin. Needles browned, thread grimey, pulling him closed. Innards put back in place, muscle pulled together, fat pushed and moved, skin covered and sewn shut. The scene vanishes, sitting back on the bed of white. Red exudes from the wall, the window still sitting in front of him. The Angels are sleeping, wings spread across the sheets as their haloes drip their viscous light. 

He falls back against them, white skin tangled in the sheets. Hands are dancing across his body, trails of gold left behind as patterns are traced. Far from holy, but not close enough to unholy. Zoro opened his eye, staring blankly as the Angels rise. Their eyes stay closed, dainty hands cold. Nails of gold, wings of shimmering light, skin of white porcelain, nothing and everything. A glance at the window makes his eyes water, mouth moving but nothing heard. Behind the glass, a hand pressed to the window. Grey eyes, full of pining. Liquid gold drips down Zoro's curved spine forming intricate designs.

Eyes open, ceiling white. The room no longer black makes him sit up. The window is the same beside him, dewdrops still there. The heavens split, rain pouring down in a heavenly torrent. Tridents of gold, arrows of silver, fists of copper. Everything drenched, flowers rising up to greedily drink more rain as the trees dance. But, there Zoro is, bare. There's no smell of food, the taste of skin, the sound of footsteps, the touch of pleasure, the sight of red cheeks. Nothing. His touches, empty. Zoro shied away from those touches, berating himself for each one that drapes across his skin. The pull of cloth, trousers not his own as he stands. Letters, open and read thoroughly. 

Words are lost, used beyond real meanings and fake melancholy. The petrichor tapping against the window, beckoning for green eyes to come. The floor cold to his feet as he walks, the door open. The bathroom is still warm, the soft drips of water as humidity curled around him. The mirror sparse with droplets, the curtains drawn and the brush cuddled by the porcelain of the sink. The single towel damp with water laid across the metal beam, drying slowly. His mind focused on empty thoughts, wandering with him. He leaves the bathroom, wandering to the kitchen. The smell of coffee lingered, early brew now cold.

Dishes are in the sink, a cup stained with coffee full of water. Chairs pushed into the table, straight and in place. A note, sitting on the fridge. Zoro takes it and quietly reads it. 

_'Gone for the morning dear, stay warm._

_I'll be home soon._

_\- Love, Law'_

The note's crumpled in his hand. Zoro tossed it away and entered the living room. The blanket from the night before is thrown over the back of the couch. His hand ran across the sex-scented cloth, not knowing what to feel. He never heard the door open, or the footsteps. Lips pressed against his nape, that familiar tattooed hand set atop his own. "Sorry..." Came the soft apology, Zoro pulling away from the touch. Law furrowed his brows, pulling back from Zoro. "Is everything okay?" Zoro wilts under his gaze, head turned away. "..." Zoro bit his tongue, words caught in his throat. Law took his hand, running his finger over the pink knuckles.

"Zoro-ya?" Law asked again. Zoro can feel the tears, his eye stinging. "... please..." Whispered, fingers loose against Law's tight ones. "Stop... stop touching me..." Law stopped, lips parted in surprise. "Does it... am I hurting you?" Law lets go of Zoro's hand, eyes shining with worry. Zoro looked at the floor, unable to raise his eyes. Law was baffled, why is this happening? Zoro seemed fine just a few days ago. Zoro shakes his head, playing with his fingers. "Then... then why?" Law doesn't take his hand like Zoro thought he would. Green eyes lift to look at grey. Zoro's taken aback. Law looks... hurt.

It made Zoro feel like he ripped out his heart and tore it up. "I..." Zoro doesn't know what to say. "... don't like using you..." Zoro whispers, afraid. Law shook his head, cupping his lover's chin and raising his head. "You're not using me. I'm doing this because I want to." Law explains, stepping closer to press a kiss to a scarred over eye. Rejoice! Sing to the heavens! but Zoro can't, it still doesn't feel right. Maybe he should talk to Robin about this. The light of the outside dims. It's just him and Law. "I'm sorry." Zoro murmurs, closing his eye. Law says nothing, tired. "Come to bed with me." Law offers, tangling their fingers together.

Zoro shakes his head. "No... I..." Law squeezed his hand to ground him, listening quietly. "Never mind." Law frowns. What changed? Law didn't move at all, lifting one of his hands to caress Zoro's face. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" Law whispers, leaning his forehead against Zoro's. Saccharine words drenched with worry. Zoro shook his head, a fake smile on his lips. "It's nothing, c'mon..." He pulls the other man's hand gently, wandering back to the room with him. They fell onto the bed, quiet. Law hesitates to wrap his arm around Zoro's waist and it hurts to see him second-guess like that. 

Law flexed his fingers, tendons rippling under his tan skin. Words mock him, the warmth doing nothing to warm Zoro's chilled body. Law closes his eyes as his lover settles against him, drifting off. When he wakes, Zoro is gone. Law sits up quickly, the rain pounding against the window. Spiraling thoughts consume him, pushing him to stumble out of bed and look for Zoro. The house is cold. Law stops when he sees the note on the table, messy handwriting, and a few teardrops on the table. Law takes the paper and reads the words over and over again, unable to process anything he's read.

_'Left for Robin, won't be back._

_Sorry I didn't say nothing._

_-Zoro'_

The paper withers in his hand, fingers creasing and crumpling it. Why did he leave? Why isn't he saying anything? Was Law stopping him from talking? His hands shake as he drops the paper. Law brings the heel of his hand to his temple, pressing it hard as bites back the tears. His shadow grows until it's looming over him, snuffing out any light around him. Eyes are closed, unknowing. When eyes flutter open, he stands alone. In front of him is a table made of metal. Law looks down, a faceless carcass resting on the table. A hand sits on his shoulder, taught strings ensnared around his bleeding wrists. 

Rot fills his nose, flames cleansing away dead bodies. His sister, laying at his feet, sobs. Law stares down. Her face white melts away as the flames eat her body. Bodies draped over each other, men in hazmat, white jewelry scattered all over the ground. The sky is dyed black as the hand pulls at the string. Glints of color bounce off the string, fingers forcing his body to move. Law wants to close his eyes, to forget all of this happened, and look for Zoro. But he couldn't. A smiling face, one he knows too well. The familiar angles of the bones, the trapezius of well-defined muscle. The laugh that reached his ears.

The gunshot. Snow. White then red. The hand pulls away and the strings fade. The hand returns to cradle his face thumb pressed against his throat. A single cigarette lays before him on the table, gloves smeared with blood. A scalpel, a mask, scrubs... Law watched as red hands covered his eyes. He stands alone in white, the black of his shadow ruining everything. Angels point tridents at him, the halo's once gold now silver and spiked. Lost. Hands pull away, arrows of gold piercing through him. The devil sits beside him, skin black as tar as he stared up at him with yellow eyes. Beside him stands a weeping angel.

Tears of runny gold drip down their face, through their fingers. White skin, charred wings that bleed, shattered halo. Why this? Why something he doesn't believe in? Unable to speak the truth because of ignorance. Law watched, passive and a hand clutched his chin. The broken trident laid before him, the angel still weeping. The devil blinks slowly, gaze unmoving. Everything then melts away. He's cold, alone. Law rubs his face, rocking from foot-to-foot. Where can he go now? If he loses Zoro, everything won't be the same! Everything that Zoro helped him enjoy would no longer give him anything.

His house that had been so warm would lose it, becoming cold and empty once more. The sheets covered in their mingled scents now smelling like bed-wash. He can hear the guttural laugh of Doflamingo echo, mocking words of fake warmth rambling around in his abused head. Tears ran down his face the more he thought about it. He was so lost, so alone. Everywhere he went he was constantly under scrutiny, people whispering horrid things about him. Even his own coworkers didn't trust him, barely able to look him in the face during operations. He can see Corazon, sitting on one of those white puffy clouds frowning at what he's turned into. 

Rusted over scalpels, unmoving hands. 

_Cannot speak the truth because of Ignorance._

_Blinded by your Forgetfulness._

_Cannot hear the truth because of Fear._

_Cannot touch the truth because of Aggression._

_Cannot taste the truth because of Suppression._

The words cry out, like laughter of the dead. Hands pull away at his skin, expose what he hides inside. The fear, the ignorance... everything. Sometimes, he would want to rip away at himself until nothing is left. Effervescence pop loudly, every ideal he had built around Zoro disappearing like nothing. The light he tried so hard to keep close, falling away like the access makeup tapped off the brush. What if Zoro doesn't love him anymore? What if he's disgusted by his touch? Law had offered to worship his body, take care of it when he couldn't. Law wanted to make the love of his life feels good about himself, feel like he was worth something.

What is pulling him back? What is ripping him from his hands?! WHY?! Law wanted to punch the wall, take out his aggression. Were words of saccharine compliments not enough? Were the sweet whispers of pleasure undoing him the wrong way? Were the compliments he sugared taking a toll? What was it that he did to drive Zoro away? What was it?! Law bites his tongues, the taste of metal washing over his palette. What must he believe in to fix this problem? Law painfully swallowed the blood in his mouth, coughing as it grated against his throat. He runs a hand through his hair a few times in an attempt to calm himself.

_Why?_

"You're repulsed by his touch?" Robin asked, a look of concern written all over her face. Zoro looks down and nods, playing with one of the many stuffed animals Robin had gotten for him. "Is there a reason? Did this happen out of nowhere?" She scribbles down a few things as Zoro talks, rubbing her temple as her brows furrow. "Did he hurt you?" Her glasses slid down the bridge of her nose. "N-no! No, he uh... he didn't..." Zoro worries his lips gently, sweating nervously. "I just... when he touches me... I feel so... so scared. I'm n-not scared of him, but..." Robin writes a few more things down. 

"When did this begin?" Robin queries, setting down her pen. "Last week..." Zoro answers. Robin pulls off her glasses, a serious look on her face. "Zoro, listen," Robin starts, her blue eyes shining with a sweet worry. "Are you relapsing?" The question took him by surprise. Why would she assume that? "You've been doing very well on recovery and now you take multiple steps back. What's wrong?" Zoro took steps back? When? "I... don't know..." His mind has been everywhere, confused on why Law would sometimes disappear. He was panicking, breath stuttering, and shallow. Robin took one of his fidgeting hands and rubbed the back of his knuckles slowly.

"Are you overwhelmed?" Robin questions, her voice soft on his sensitive ears. Zoro nods, pulling his hands away from the older woman to paw at the stuffed animal. "Zoro, I need you to talk." Robin gets up from where she was sitting behind her desk to sit in the chair next to him. "Yes! yeah... yeah..." Zoro nods again, trying to get the words stuck in his throat out. "Can you tell me why?" Zoro rubbed his face before playing with his hands, unable to sit still. "I uh... don't know. I don't know..." Robin rubs his arm gently, coaxing him. Zoro relaxed against the touch, his brain working in overdrive.

"Do you get tired of seeing him?" "No." Zoro quips, covering his mouth at the quick answer. "No, uh... I don't but I feel like every time I move away from his touch he's upset with me." "Did you talk to him about this?" Zoro shakes his head. "Then maybe he's not upset at you, just upset over the fact that you haven't told him how you've been feeling." Robin stands up and fixes the skirt of her dress. "I can't really help you with this. I'm glad you came to talk to me about it though," Robin give him a smile that washes away some of his fear. Zoro gave the stuffed animal one last squeeze before leaving.

Why did he feel like this?

~~_Because you hate it._ ~~

Why did the hands he come to love make him feel like this? 

~~_Because you hate him._ ~~

Zoro shook his head. He doesn't hate Law! He doesn't at all. He loves his smile, his eyes, everything. Instead of heading back to Law's home, he went back to his own. 

_~~This is for the~~ _~~_best_.~~ ~~~~~~~~

His house was cold, water sticking to his hair. His feet squeaked against the floor as he walked to his room, the hands of loneliness wrapping around his throat. His clothing drops in a wet heap on the floor, the door to his bathroom open slightly. He stares at himself in the mirror, eye tired.

White porcelain hands beckon him, gold nailed fingers waving at him. A better place, right?

_WRONG._

Cold hands, tracings of gold. Haloes of runny yellow light. Closed eyes, glittering gold. Hands would cradle his face, ambiguous figures of above drift forward. Open eyes, no words. He stands in front of his bed where the angels lay, sheets rumpled. Saintly bodies, laces of weaved gold, runny silver bleeding. Devotees to those of the lost, hands pulling at him to move. So he does. Gracelessly falling, virtues press lingering cold kisses. Intricate patterns curled around his neck, filling each scar in the gold of tears. Down his spine, a tail of solid gold. Silver drips down his nose, over his lips as he looks out the window.

Clouds of bygone days linger in his sight. Broken tridents lay before him, torn feathers drenched with red blood. Gold pools around his feet as he stands, intricate patterns that have lost their meanings reach over his biceps, curling around his forearm in a holy lance with heavenly markings. Bodies lay before his very eyes, some reaching out to pull at the black shawl over his hips. Growing pools of silver, metal lay deep in his throat. " ~~ _You do not need him._~~ " The angels would whisper. Voices of the in-between lost eons ago to those of jealous rage. The golden trident bejeweled with gems unseen from man lay in his hands.

Thrust downward, the shriek of untamed voices. Silver caked his arm, his face. The shattered head of the angel lays, gore that was pure white spilling all over his feet. _Kill the ones you hate. Become the one who made you._ The trident drips, silver thick on his tongue as he licks it off his fingers. Cold winds of Death, knells of the holy bell reach his ears. Empty eyes, cold and indifferent as more angels of countless times are slaughtered. Each knell is louder than the last. A river of silver, feathers caked in red. Each strike is colder than the last, an emptiness that haunts the dead. Indifference of the dead.

Coils of gold around his scarred ankle drip silver tears. " ~~ _You resent the man who loves you._~~ " The angel laying in front of him says, eyes like his own. " ~~ _Beg for forgiveness before our God. You, who have forgone everything given to you, shall see beyond the halcyon days of bygone yore. Forgiveness is not your salvation. Forgiveness is for your inability to see the truth. You walk the fine line between us all, nothing and everything. Embrace what was give to you, for it is a gift from God himself._~~ " The angel was like him, empty eyes. "I don't believe in you or god. Safe this pettiness for someone who deserves it." Zoro says, lifting the trident.

" ~~ _Far from Unholy, but not close enough. What we would give to be someone like you..._~~ " Melded voices, sad and happy. Eyes drip gold, silver flying up as the trident bites through the white flesh. His hands run up his silvered torso, bringing it to his lips. He smears it over his tongue, dripping down his chin. The knell rings before him, a faceless person with white veils and flowing hair of gold and silver. With no thought to spare, he runs them through. "I want no thanks. Everything is your fault." Black hands wrap around his throat, suffocating him. Powerless against it, he washed away everything and opened his eyes.

There was his bed, no angels, nothing. Instead, there was blood. " _Welcome back, I've missed you._ " Came the voice that has been gone for months. " _What brought you back? Lover-boy not good enough?_ " The voice laughs, a hand pushing Zoro to the bed. The sheets are slick, squelches of blood pooled under him heard. A hand presses to his throat, that crazed look smiling at him. " _Resent the man who loves you. You're not good enough for him._ " They laugh, running their bloodied hand through his hair. They lean in close, breath smelling like rot. " _I told you. You belong to me. I'll follow you for the rest of your life._

 _Kill the man whom you loved. Kill him._ " Zoro closes his eye, letting the crazed person above him talk. " _His touch disgusts you, no? Reject him. Break his heart._ " Zoro opened his eye and looked up at them. " _Watch him fall apart, tear him to pieces. DO. IT._ " Zoro's hand moved to his phone, typing in his passcode. They move his fingers for him, typing in the words he never once thought of.

_I want to break up with you._

Why fight against it? Nothing is worth it anymore. " _Good. Now, suffer the consequences of your actions._ " They fade from his view, blood drying up and fading. Zoro looks at the message he sent. Under the bubble showing what time it was sent and that it was on delivered. His hands shook as the speech bubble appeared, tears clouding his vision. 

_Why? Is it something I did?_

He doesn't blame Zoro for anything.

_I don't want this anymore._

Zoro cried softly, air caught in his throat. The one man who understood him better than anyone else, gone.

_Zoro, I don't understand. Tell me what I did wrong!_

Zoro left him on read.

Law looked down at his phone, drops of water on the screen.

**_I DON'T WANT THIS_ ANYMORE.**

Why? What did he do wrong? Law chokes back a sob, setting his phone down. Why is he so torn up about this? He scorned love, hated it for all its worth. Yet, here he is, crying over someone. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HE DIDN'T WANT! Tears roll down his cheeks. Law covered his face, sitting on the couch. He waited for Zoro, sitting here for hours just waiting. Law rubbed away the very things he hated but they kept coming back. What can he do now? 

A hand of black covered his eyes, his shadow whispering lost words. Soft sobs reached his ears, sitting on the black couch. The devil sat beside him, staring down at the crying angel from before. Their hair dyed blonde instead of white, skin pale instead of white, eyes green instead of white. Tears of gold became clear, the trident of gold swept away from them as they cry out. " ** _Your soul belongs to me._** " The devil spoke, yellow eyes unfazed. Law sat there idly, wondering why this is being showed to him. " ~~ _I do not! He will come back for me! You damnation of a man, who is the embodiment of sin, shall not take what belongs to God!_~~ " The angel sobs, wings broken.

Law opened his mouth, but the devil beat him to the punch. " ** _Holy sentiment, broken beyond your years. I have lived as long as you say I do, and speak louder than any of those virtues may say. Yore of eons gone forgo the thought of divine retribution for it is no longer yours. Command the strong and destroy the weak, eat up the prayers meant to fill. Lay waste to enemies, take away the divine right for the single mistake made. Salvation is a lie, made for those blind to the truth. Saintly fires shall do nothing, enchanted words will break no spirit, for the thought of sparing one soul not worth it over millions is a joke reserved for the lowest of the low._**

 _ **Beyond the names given by all, I am man. You are nothing before my feet. Drink the blood of the divine and you shall ascend, but there will you meet judgment. You, who has broken the universal rule that governs us all, shall be damned to eternal hell. Rise the ranks of sin, become the embodiment of Pride. The representation of Humility shall be shattered. The Angels of heaven shall rejoice, for you now bound by chains of rock shall no longer discolor the definition of Purity. Your body, mind, and soul belong to me.**_ " The angel cries harder, sobbing.

Law closed his mouth, what is this exactly? What was he seeing? Why is he seeing this? The devil turned to him, yellow eyes empty as the ex-angel screams in anguish. " _ **You question the credibility of your ways. You, who is touched by death and worship no deity of the above and below, will be clouded. The truth yet hidden from view hides in plain sight. Beyond the days of old, where you rejoiced for mending the hurt in your body, you hide away the doubt. No one's eyes are all seeing as they say and no one will reach enlightenment as said in many of those. Let go of the fear that claws at you, for in mind and body, you belong to me. In the eye of the soul, which shall perceive the truth behind the lie, will fix broken ways.**_

 _ **Take the time to understand the fallback, for rushing makes nothing better. Even Before the feet of God, whose divine judgment is no better than mine nor man, should you see that broken minds think alike. You have fixed the brokenness of your mind, you have healed the body but the soul is still shattered. The man you love, who with empty eyes will kill God, belongs nowhere in both the realm of the living and ours. Reap what you sow, for this is only the beginning of what heaven has to offer. Take this to heart, even if I am words in this book or I'm the voice in your head. Time will heal all, even after it kills you.**_ " The black of his body moved with him, Law confused by words spoken.

The ex-angel got to their feet, pulling the pure silver dagger from the sheath. Law watched, silvered blood dyed red as they get to their feet. " ~~ _Begone! Words of empty mean nothing to those with a broken spirit!_~~ " The devil let the dagger pierce through him, taking the hand that held it. " ** _Where there is good, there is evil. Where there is white, there is black. Divination means nothing to those who walk the line between._** " Law wiped away the blood that splattered on his face, watching the scene. " ** _Whether you or the person reading between the lines don't understand, nothing is everything and everything is nothing. We may not exist to you, but to someone else we do. Do not take what you love for granted, for it will haunt you in ways you don't expect._** " The angel was pushed away like nothing, falling to the floor.

Law didn't know what to say, the devil maintaining eye-contact with him as he shifts. "I see..." Was all that he could manage. For something that is unfathomable to many, maybe this means nothing. " _ **We are what your mind expects us to be. We come in many forms. Do not lose sight of what your goal is, for, in the end, everything is within reach**_." Law nods, the defeated look on the ex-angels face speaking in volumes. A wave of the devil's hand and everything around him changed. Bodies of angels, torn open and speared lay around them. A chain hooked around the fallen angel, pulling them towards the devil as they shriek.

Blue flames swallowed them up, a single feather charred black left there. Puddles of silver, tears of gold, and bodies of white. " _ **This is purity destroyed.**_ " Law looked around, a form wearing black not that far in front of them. The black shawl around their hip painted with the blood of the angels laying in their path, a trident in their hand. A bell rang, its knell shaking Law to the core. " ** _The one you love killed all of them. Not to prove a point to us, but to himself. With no control over himself, he will draw the blood of countless that tells him otherwise. He is past the point of breaking._**

 ** _Past the point of all of this, behind him will always have a trail of blood. Holy Divinity cannot hold him back, nor can the temptation of sin. Though you are nothing like him, I will come for you when the time is right, he will be forever untouched._** " Law looked closer, eyes wide with surprise at the green hair that caught his eyes. " ** _Cannot speak the truth because of Ignorance. Blinded by Forgetfulness. Cannot hear the truth because of Fear. Cannot touch the truth because of Aggression. Cannot taste the truth because of Suppression. Words you have always told yourself. Though they ring true, nothing no longer means what it means._** " Law steeled himself from running forward, from reaching out.

Law bites the inside of his cheek, blood pooling in his mouth. " ** _Beyond what you think lies in another. Reconcile, for then everything will make sense._** " Red drips down his chin, tracing and mapping out his body. Designs of the forgotten, etched into his skin. Will of the dead at his fingertips. A single person stands before him, the smile familiar. As Law reaches out to catch them, the bell rings once more. On the second knell, everything turns black. 

" ** _Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is not told. Do not lose faith just yet, make amends with those you hate and fix the wrongs of your ways. I will show when I am needed again._** " 

Law blinks at the darkness, the living room now manifested before him. He let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. His phone was vibrating incessantly, annoying him. "Trafalgar." Law answers, rubbing his face of dried tears. " _Trafalgar-san! I'm glad you answered, I need you at my office right now._ " Came Dr. Nico's voice, full of a worrying amount of concern. "Can I ask why?" Law grunts, sighing silently. " _I'll tell you when you get here. It has something to do with Zoro._ " Law was up and moving the second she said that, moving to clean himself up. "Alright, I'll be there in a few." He ends the call after a quick goodbye.

He clumsily tugged on his loafers and grabbed his keys. The drive there made him jittery, ignoring everyone who sent him worried glances. Robin was on the phone with someone when he entered her office, her blue eyes focused on words only she could understand. "I'm sorry, I'll have to call you back now that he's here. Yes. Okay, I'll try again tomorrow. Tell Nami-san? Okay... I see. Thank you, that's all." The click of the phone drew him from his stupor. "Sit. I need a bit of help here." Robin motioned for him to sit down. "What's wrong?" Law asks softly as he sits. "Zoro seems to be having a relapse. A very severe one." Robin states, lacing her fingers together.

"Care to elaborate?" He raises an eyebrow at her, not very impressed. She closed her eyes with a sigh. "Zoro seems to be experiencing dysphoria. He seems upset that your touch does not appeal to him anymore. From how he was acting today, I'm assuming he did something drastic." Law lowered his head, thinking back to the random text that seemed to be a spur of the moment. "Yes. He broke up with me." "I'm sorry." Law snorts, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. "Don't apologize for something beyond your control." Robin shakes her head and shrugs. "Anyway, he showed signs of relapsing back into harmful ways."

Law bites the inside of his cheek. "This is going to be personal, but have you hurt him at all during your times together?" Law shakes his head only to pause. "What do you mean together? Like in the same room?" "Yes, and when engaging in sex." He shakes his head again. "I could never hurt him..." Law whispers, looking down at his hands. Gloves stained with blood flicker over his hands before he looks back up. "I see. I wonder what has spurred this sudden change then..." Robin rubbed a hand over her arm, brows furrowed as she thought. Law couldn't even tell her, one day he was fine and the next he was just... backpedaling.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know Nico-ya," Law says after a long moment of silence. "That's quite alright. I'll have to have someone monitor him until we see what's wrong." Law nods and sits back.

Where did they go wrong?

Zoro laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. No hands dancing across his skin, no kisses of warm lips to worship the body he hates. He runs a hand over his chest, feeling each indent of the space between under his skin. The lone light of his lamp lights up the darkened room, a stifling feeling of regret lingering over him. Why does he feel like this? Is it because he dislikes his own body? Is it because he doesn't feel good enough? Would those visions help him? He closes his eye, tired of staring at the ceiling. He opens them moments later and it feels like he's drowning. " ~~ _ **Suffer the consequences of your actions.**_~~

~~_**You, lost between, call for help but make no move to make ends meet. Cast below the oceans of sorrow, reap what you sow for this only the beginning of what we have to offer. Understand the unbalance, stabilize it. Do not play with your words and expect others to understand. In the eyes of God, you mean nothing. In the eyes of man, you're only worth is sin. Mend the lines that tear you apart, fix the splinters in spirit. Eons of luckless battles will not triumph the great ocean of life. Ensnared by wires of old, stuck in ways that no longer work.** _ ~~

~~_**The gap between, filled with the vastness of emptiness. Your actions stand for reason, clouded judgment that you cannot pass. Shall the bell of sovereignty ring, deigning what your punishment shall be. You call to those you do not believe in, expecting us to bend backward and fix rules we did not create. Eternal be damned, for without recreation nothing shall cease to exist. People of the damned, shunned for life eternal belong to neither of us. You stand before divine judgment, ignorant of the damage done. Expect nothing done, for now, you must fix ways made by thyself.** _ ~~

~~_**Repentance is for the weak, made for those who cannot choose what to set in stone. Beyond the veil lies the error of your ways. Tear it asunder and fix it.**_~~ " The voice speaks, two of the same and yet of other people. Zoro makes no motion, floating in front of the two deities that talk in unison. Hands are over his throat, choking him as bubbles slip between his lips. What is there to say?

Nothing.

Zoro weeps, sobbing as the bells ring in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who do not understand the point of this chapter, this is what I think Dysphoria of the mind is like. Especially for Law who faced more of the worse end of it. I don't want any of you to question anything you may view religiously, but this is to show that just because someone looks okay doesn't mean they are on the inside. Please respect everyone's ideals and beliefs. Thank you for reading my dear Lovelies, this has been such a roller-coaster and I'm glad all of you stuck around.


	10. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro learns that he isn't fit to do anything anymore. Law wants him but holds himself back from doing anything too brash. Where did we go wrong? Sometimes, rigorous work is the best medicine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter contains rape and rape themes! If you cannot handle it, please do not read then.

He was so, unbelievably, worried about Zoro. He wants to know what's wrong, what he did wrong. He was at a dead-end and Robin seemed at a loss. Luffy called him who knows how many times just to ask what's going on, wanting to know why Zoro wasn't answering. When Law couldn't give him a straight answer, it was like it was the end for him. Blinding light, grey with worry. Rain drizzles, tapping against the window. Those taps remind him of those days, counting each string he was locked below, hungry and tired. Eyes look out the window with a tired look, the glare of the morning sun reflecting his saddened eyes. Law rubs his face, ink staining his hands. His breath stuttered in his chest, hands clenching and unclenching as he counts in his head. His head hurt, his eyes burn, and his bones are sore. A sigh escapes him, chest sagging in defeat as he stood up. Law couldn't fall back into old ways just because he didn't get what he wanted. Singsong voices in his head, echoing words of mocking laughter. His hands are set on the sill, it cold to the touch. When was the last time he slept? Maybe two nights ago?

_One, two, three, four... How long have I been counting? Five, six, seven, eight... When was the last time I ate? Nine, ten, eleven, twelve... The days already ended, I'm tired._

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen... Already at time's end.

Harsh eyes, staring into tired ones through pink lenses. Law had enough, he wants to rip away that taunting smile that's haunted him since he was young. A hand runs over his back, ghost touches over each individual scar that covered his own back drenched in ink. A hand, pulling at his hair until blood trickled down. A tongue lapping at the blood dripping from his nose. The torment squeezes his insides, flames dancing in his eyes as screams echo around him. He lived in that moment, eyes wide and crazed as people scream. A sword glinting with blood, sizzling in the flames. The snow died black and red, a broad chest pressed against his back as he screams out.

The lick of the blade across his chest as hot tears drip down his cheek, stings of disinfectant. A throaty laugh echoes around him, too tired to even care.

Hands run over his chest, flat. The bump of his ribs, the indents of each space between make him sick. Why? Why can't he like his own body?

_Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty... Where has the touch gone? Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four... Where did the rest go? Law rubs his eyes and begins counting again, silent. Each string from the ceiling, dirty and stained with his blood. How old is he? Sixteen? Law sits on the dirty floor, eyes focused on each string he counts. The door opens and he tries to hide, covering his mouth with one hand. Footsteps that aren't familiar scare him. The bedsheet smells like blood and sex from where he's hiding under the bed, it rickety and creaky. The person makes a noise of disgust, the sound of a lighter flicking to life._

_Smoke fills the room. The smell of tobacco making his head light. Law shakes his head and pushes himself further under the bed, trying to hide. Brown glossy shoes step in front of the bed and his eyes go wide. No, no, please... Law bites his lips to stifle a whimper. A hand lifts the sheets a man with makeup on his face and a cigarette in his mouth invades his vision. Adrenaline is a crazy thing, his hands shaking violently as he crawls forward and smacks the man. A yelp leaves him and Law moves, nails catching on his shirt. Buttons fly, the cigarette falling from his lips. Law's tattered shirt does nothing to hide the marks._

_Bite indents, cuts, bruises that turned yellow and ugly, scratches. Eyes have bags under them, grey eyes glaring into amber. The man looks nothing like Doflamingo, a dress-shirt covered in pink hearts and a pair of slacks. "Oi!" The man yelps, grabbing Law's small wrists. A leg kicked into his stomach, a grunt leaving him as the foot hits the same spot again. Law is breathing heavily. He won't go down without a fight! Law growls and tries to bite the man. He was let go, dropped onto the ground. Law looked up and noticed the upset look in his eyes. They made him pause, the makeup odd on the man's pale face._

_"Done yet?" Law growls, face sunken and ill-looking. The man sighs and stubs out the cigarette, fishing out more from his pocket. "Look kid, I'm letting you go before my brother comes back. Do you want this?" The orange light casts dancing shadows over his face in the dark room. "And why should I believe you?!" Law roars, backing away until he was up against the wall. What if he was just trying to use him? He makes no move, standing where he was with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. His hands move to cup the cigarette, smoke curling from his nose like a dragon. The light flicks close and hands unbutton his shirt._

_Scars and new marks alike litter his front, his whole torso bandaged with raggedy and stained wrap. Law's mind does a double-take. "See? So do you want out?" And what if he said yes? What would happen? Law hesitates before saying yes, eyes betraying how unsure he is. "Rosinante, that's my name. Call me Corazon, though." The smile the man gives him is blinding._

_What would happen?_

Law rubs his face, shaking his head. His body was fine, he liked it. He liked the tattoos, the way muscle sat aesthetically, how his weight was carried. Everything was perfect to him, but those touches made him second guess himself.

_A bite, two... Law sobs, screaming for him to stop. The tear, the blood, the gross smell. He felt so used._

Shit... Law bites his lips as he leans his forehead against the cool window. When will he stop reliving those moments?

_Rosinante held him close as they ran through the hallway, his legs barely able to keep up. Law had tears running down his cheeks. They had been caught, one of Doflamingo's underlings chasing after them. "We're almost out Law!" Rosinante heaves, pulling him forward and picking him up. Law yelped, his arms grabbing onto Rosinante's arm as he was carried. A gunshot rang through the manor, Law hiding his face into the coat that smelled like smoke. Ruffled blond hair shined with sweat, the man's breathing short and dry. The sound of yelling and glass shattering made him lift his head. The night sky filled his vision and he screams._

_Rosinante hit the ground below hard, both of them tumbling through the grass. Law pushes himself up, whimpering at how his arm hurt when he was picked up. "Walk it off, you've been through worse and so have I." Rosinante grunts, blood running from his nose. The grass crunched under Rosinante's feet, his makeup smudged and wet with the sweat that trickled down his face. His face was flushed from exertion, the foliage that surrounds the manor ruffled as they ran through. Law doesn't know what to say, panic set deep in his chest. Rosinante grunts as the street fill their view, people hiding in alleyways giving them weird looks._

_"Hospital," Rosinante grunts, his head dizzy as blood dripped from his chin. Law was no better, feeling ill from being so hungry. He was set down and the older man leans against the wall. "How old are you?" Rosinante asks, wiping the blood. More followed, his nose swollen. "Sixteen." "Shit." Law couldn't even move his arm, it hurt so bad. "Fuck, uh... Okay..." Rosinante pats himself down, reaching into one of his pockets for his smokes. Law watches as the blood on his shirt grows bigger and bigger, his eyes widening. "You got shot!" The guy laughs as they move through the alleyway. "Yeah, but I'll be fine." Law's legs give out from under him, dropping into a dirty puddle of water. Rosinante picks him up, the gross water soaking into his shirt._

_"Law, almost there..." His speech is slurred, Law's head spinning. His face is flushed red and snot drips from his nose. He feels like he's going to be sick. Rosinante is so pale, looking almost catatonic as they walk through the night street. It had to be somewhere in the morning, the sun beginning to rise. They collapse on the sidewalk, the blood from Rosinante's wound nearly black. A puddle grows around them as he breathes shallowly. "Sorry.. give me a sec..." Rosinante mumbles, arms too weak to push himself up. Law's going to pass out, lying in a puddle of someone else's blood. A scream rang out, people looking out their windows._

_Law startles, eyes blurry. "Oh my god! Someone call an ambulance!" People gather around them, Laws eyes are wide and scared. A person pulls of Rosinante, Law yelling at them to let him go. The push against the wound that was still bleeding, his breathing nearly gone. Law tears up as people pull out their phones to call. He can't move, his head hurts too much and he's so sick. Why?_

His eyes flutter, the world changing around him as the smell of blood makes him sick to his stomach. His vision was dark as he tried to control his breathing, head-heavy. Was he like this when Zoro was around? No, there was no way. Whenever he was with Zoro, he felt at ease, like everything in the world couldn't touch him. He misses those kisses, the hand comforting him, the sweet noises, the smell of him. Law misses a lot of things about Zoro, but he misses all of him, not just those things. He brought a hand to his mouth as he gags, saliva gathering in his mouth as the flashbacks pushed and overrode all other thoughts.

_There was an IV in his arm and a cast on the other. When the hell did he get there? He blinks his bleary eyes and looked over to see Rosinante sitting up in the bed. A smile on his face when he sees him awake. Law smiles back. Then it fell apart. Doflamingo had made everything fall apart._

Law coughs, moving from his bedroom to the bathroom. His throat burns with acid as he coughs, the porcelain cold in his hands. His head was pounding, so he closes his eyes to rest for a minute. Law swallowed thickly, cottonmouth a bitch to deal with. Law sits up once the nauseous feeling went away. His phone buzzed in his pocket, just a notification for some random text. Law pushes it back into his pocket and leaned against the tub, sighing.

His hands ran through his hair, frowning. Zoro looked at himself in the mirror, frowning. He hates his body, how did Law even like it? Too thin, no muscle, not even a little bit of fat. His skin was pale, unlike Law's sunkissed skin. Scars, too many. Zoro tears up, crumpled against the counter of the sink. His body was ugly, gross. But... Zoro wants Law back. The fresh memories of his touch are ingrained into his mind.

_Hands run up the curve of his back, fingers splayed over his hips as warm kisses press between his shoulder blade. The rock of his hips makes Zoro cry out, rosy cheeks pressed into sex-scented pillows._

Zoro's face flushes, red. The thought bothers him, but he finds it better than looking at himself cut open. The touch of Law is different from all the other touches that pressed into him. The ones ready to inflict pain, friendly ones, ones with secrets. No, Law had no intentions, his touch pure and warm. They trace pleasured patterns into his skin, lips leaving behind a trail of heat as he's pushed into the sheets gently. Law rarely left marks, and when he did, he'd silently berate himself. Why? Those marks made Zoro feel something he's never felt before. Zoro wants to change. So he does.

Zoro begins talking to Robin more, explaining to her that he wants to become more social even though his illness is held against him. Chopper was more than happy to help, smiling the whole way even when Zoro has his moments. 

Law heaves a sigh when Robin texts him, the room dark. He was tired, wanting to find ways to vent but unable to. A knock on his door pulled him from his drowsiness, peeking his head out from under the covers of his bed to see Robin. "I didn't say you could come over, Nico-ya." Law grumbles, tired. "I thought I'd let you know about Zoro since you stopped answering your phone." Robin turns on a light and he winces. He grumbles under his breath, sitting up. "He seems to be doing much better now that a week has progressed, but it seems the break-up you two went through is affecting him." Robin crosses her arms over her chest.

Law looks down at his sheet, feeling like shit. "I'm glad he's doing better," Law sighs rubbing his face. "Have you tried talking to him?" Law shakes his head, sighing again. "No, I think I should forget about this," Law waves a hand, Robin frowning. "You two had a healthy and steady relationship for over four months and you want to forget all of that?" Law closes his eyes, trying to ignore her. "..." Law looks out the window pointedly. "I'm not one for scolding, but grow up. You're lacking in work and some of us are worried." Worried? Law snorts, his tired eyes sharp. He runs a hand through his hair and leans back on one of his hands.

"Please, don't tell me people are worried." Her brows furrow as the frown deepens. "Zoro misses you." His world freezes around him. How? "Now that I seem to have gotten your attention," Robin sighs and straightens out her rumpled shirt. "Zoro seems to be doing this to possibly get your attention back. I'm not saying this to goad you into dating him, nor is he, but he is putting in the effort." Law rubs his face and pushes the sheets off his legs. Those visions of what Zoro would look like filled his head, a small smile on his lips. "I'm glad, but what if we won't work out?" Law looks up at her, tired eyes betraying how happy he feels.

Robin smiles at the sight. "I'm sure you two will. For now, start working on yourself before you begin to worry about him." Robin watches as he stands, lanky body stretching out the muscles. "Yeah, I guess so..." Law mumbles, running his hand through his hair once more. "Good. If you need anything, you can always shoot me a text." Robin nods as she leaves the room. Once she left, Law let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Zoro was doing better. _Zoro was doing better!_ Law wanted to cry happy tears, sob out with a happy smile. Law smiled to himself, feeling more invigorated than he had for the past week. Law called his boss to let him know that he would be in soon, brushing his teeth.

He let out a groan, body sore. "You're doing a good job!" Chopper squeaks, running over with a bottle of water. Zoro felt like absolute shit, throwing the weight he was holding to the side. "Don't push yourself too much though... You'll get hurt." Zoro rubs his face, head light as Chopper talked. "Zoro?" He blinked his eye open, the sun beating down on him. "Wha'?" He slurs, feeling like he was going to be sick. Those voices in his head have been bothering him for weeks, telling him things that make his skin crawl. A bottle of water was thrusted into his face, Chopper's face full of concern. "You need to drink this," Chopper pushes. Zoro doesn't feel like drinking the water, his stomach churning at the thought. "I-I'm good," He gives a shaky smile. Chopper frowns as Zoro stands up on wobbly legs.

_Look at how pathetic you are. Why don't you come inside and hideaway with me?_

Zoro shakes his head, taking the towel that's discarded in the grass and wiping down his face. "I'll be... I'll be back," Zoro mumbles, stepping into the house. Cold hands envelop him, whispers in his ears. His eyes are tired as he walks further into the house. He hadn't been putting on any weight like he's been wanting to, skin red from the sun and peeling. 

_Aren't you hot? Why don't you come with me?_

Zoro bites his lip, running his tongue over the scar on his lip. The hand runs down his back, cold touch spreading across his body. Zoro leans against the counter of the kitchen, head pounding. Blood drips down his chin, a fat drop of red splashing on the glossy top. A sharp pain runs across his temple, the nail of the finger digging into his temple. More blood. The finger smears blood down his face, cradling his chin. " _I love watching you suffer._ " A voice whispers. " **You look good in your own blood.** " Another one whispers. A hand wraps around his throat, his breath stuttering.

Zoro leaning onto the counter, holding his head. Soft shuffling barely heard in his ears. "Zoro?" The hands reaching in his vision disappear and he looks down to see Chopper looking up at him. "Are you okay?" The boy asks, playing with his fingers. Zoro smiles softly and nods, ignoring the headache clawing at his head. "We can take a break, you've been working a lot..." Zoro takes the water that was held out to him, looking down into him. "It's fine." "No, it's not! Stop lying to me!" Chopper all but wails, looking very upset. Zoro looks taken aback, almost... betrayed. Zoro looks away, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Zoro you're not okay! And... and I don't like seeing you so down!" "I'm sorry Chopper.."

Chopper looks more than upset.

_"Please! I'm sorry!" Zoro wails, raising up his hands to try and deflect the hit directed towards his face. "Shut-up!" His father roars, shoving him to the floor. Zoro sobs, trying to push himself away. A hand grabs his hair, pulling him forward. His nose slams into the floor, a sickening crack ringing in his ears. It was so hard to breathe. "You faggot," His dad spits, eyes narrowed. Blood ran down his face, a puddle forming on the ground. He pushes himself up, holding his nose. The hand grabbed his hair again, the clatter of metal in his ears. "I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget." A knife was held to his face._

_"Please!! I-" Zoro screams as the knife slashes into his eye. Red filled his vision, pain tearing his insides up. Zoro thrashes against his dad, screaming and crying for him to stop. The knife was tossed to the side. Blood caked his front, the hand ripping out his hair. "Shut the fuck up! You're such a faggot, huh?! Thinking I wouldn't find out?!" Zoro gasps for air, the pain constricting his lungs. A hand grabs his throat, slick with his blood. It felt like his throat was being crushed. Zoro grits his teeth, trying to fight back to the best of his ability. Zoro had no idea what his father was talking about!_

_His ankle burns in pain, his father kicking it to try and immobilize him. Choked noises left him as he tried to fight through the pain. "You stupid bitch!" Zoro cried, the tears burning the gash on his face. Zoro brings up his knee to his father's stomach. He lets go of his son and rolls away with a cough. Zoro gasps and scrambles to his feet, holding his face with one of his hands. He leaves as fast as his injured legs. He swings the door open and runs as fast as he can, limping as he rushes. He can hear his father shouting for him to come back. Zoro made it to what was probably the main street far from his home when he collapses._

_"Oh my god! Are you okay?!" A voice called. Zoro was so disoriented, head spinning from so much blood loss. Zoro lifts his head to see a woman trying to help him up, a phone to her ear talking to someone. "Please..." Zoro whispers, grabbing her wrist._

_"Don't call my parents."_

Zoro blinks away the memory, sitting down on his bed. It was now the evening and the sun was setting. 

Law looks out the window from his office, sighing as he goes over papers. It was a late night again. His pen taps on the lacquered table, looking through documents. He felt much better being in his office, but he can't get Zoro out of his mind. Law pushed the papers back into the manila folders, setting them down and off to the side. Law finds himself doodling quietly, drawing nothing in particular on a blank piece of paper. A knock makes him raise his eyes, a nurse standing in the doorway. "Can I help you?" Law asks, looking back down at the paper to go back to drawing. Better than picking at his nails.

"A person is here to visit you." Law knows who it is, but... what can he do now? He can't cause a scene lest he loses his jobs. "Let him in then, but don't expect me to be very nice." The nurse nods, stepping out of the way for a man to step in. Law's eyes sharpen considerably, the pen clenched tightly in his fingers. "Ah, Law... how nice of you to let me speak to you..." The man speaks, a throaty laugh leaving them. "Doflamingo... what do you want?" Law sighs, not having it in him to even try arguing with the man. Doflamingo laughs again, running a hand through his hair. "I heard about you and your little... boytoy..." 

Law's eyes narrow at the word, sitting straighter. "I don't have times for you to come here and talk shit." Law hisses, not moving from his spot. He can see those calculating eyes behind the glasses, his eyes narrowed. Law clicks his tongue, contemplating whether or not he should jump his desk to try and stab the man. "Fufffuffufu... I was just offering my presence..." Law can feel his will snap, taking the pen and standing up quickly. Doflamingo let out a startled noise, stumbling back when Law jumped over his desk. A nurse shrieked as Law pushed the taller man to the wall. "I fucking hate you, you disgusting fuck!" Law hisses, pressing the pen tip to his throat.

Doflamingo raised his hands in defeat, that damned smile never leaving his face. It was a quick shuffle of movement and he found himself pinned to his desk, back screaming in pain. Law yelps as the older man knocks things off his desk, a nurse shouting for someone. "Get off of me!" Law shouts, baring his teeth. His foot connects with Doflamingo's torso, eyes stinging as he pulled away to clench his stomach. Law took the pen in his hand and stabbed the other, dragging it down his chest. Blood ran over his fingers as he was pulled away by two nurses. Law growled before he snapped. 

"You damned fucking rapist! This is my last warning! The next time I'll kill you!" Law seethes, seeing red. Doflamingo frowns as he tries to stop his wounds from bleeding all over the place. "I'll get back at you."

"Over my dead body!" Law screams.

_Zoro... why did you leave?_

_I promise I'll be a better person._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes will be fixed.


End file.
